“If I speak in the tongues of men or of angels, but do not have love, I am only a resounding gong or a clanging cymbal” (Corinthians 13:1)
My most treasured possession if my copy of the Corinthians 13 of the Bible. To me, these few verses are a crystal clear reflection of love, that emotion that we humans struggle lifelong to understand. We love, and we part; we get hurt and most of the times we hurt others for the same reason. To many people love is a blessing, and to some, it is an overrated human emotion that is a source pain, suffering and illusory happiness to all those involved. Others question the very existence of love.
I do not exactly know where I stand on this, except the fact that I have once fallen victim, and at a time when I not only least expected it but was also very vulnerable. While it is difficult to lose a girlfriend, at 27 years, it is much more debilitating to lose an eight-year-old relationship, and for the first time ever. Twenty-seven years is old enough to take a blow as soft as this into my stride, go out for a beer and sleep it over. However, it was not as easy.
I had grown used to being surrounded by people who loved and cared for me. I never had to deserve their love, I got it unconditionally, which is why being deserted was difficult and I felt betrayed. I took to drinking, and if I did not find happiness at the bottom of the bottle I would call her just to feel better. Night after night, even after a great day, I sobbed myself to sleep. My academic life took a blow too. I was depressed, had low self-esteem, jumped classes and, in the end, called off the semester when I realized I was ill-prepared to seat examinations.
“When I was a child, I talked like a child, I thought like a child, I reasoned like a child. When I became a man, I put the ways of childhood behind me.” (Corinthians 13:11)
Having lost over 20 pounds in weight and in poor mental shape, I let go of everything that I had held very dear to me up until the time of my heartbreak. I did not love anymore; neither did I appreciate love from other people. However, in the depths of self-pity, I received an enlightenment which has inspired me to become even stronger as an individual. Firstly, my sadness drove me towards my love for music, which I had ever since sixth grade. My guitar was a year younger than the relationship that had broken. For some strange reason, I took to it with a religious determination to succeed. I became more absorbed into Jazz and mercifully, music not only helped me pull through a difficult episode in my life, but reaffirmed my commitment to it.
I also realize that I had been immaturely arrogant to fail to accept that a relationship simply ended, and since I had done nothing wrong, it was not a reflection on me. It is normal to feel inadequate, frustrated, bitter and cynical about love, but in order to love other people, while at once appreciating other people’s love, it is important to give rather than receive. Years after leaving with honor, Cum Laude, Berklee College, this experience remains a major revelation to me. Love, and let love.
“It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres” (Corinthians 13:7)
The 1 Corinthian 13 has been my guiding light as I was able to see the truth about love clearly after reading it. I would like to pass this, and my diary where I have recorded my journey to finding the true meaning of love, to my future generations.
