The short story “I’m a Mad Dog Biting Himself for Sympathy” by Louise Erdrich tells the story of the narrator who got into a series of troubles which started from an impulsive decision to get a Christmas for an ex-girlfriend. Despite the gravity of the predicament he got himself into, he narrated all the events in a light manner as if he found all of them more of an adventure instead of the crimes that they really. However, despite the somewhat fun story he delivered, it was apparent that he was a person who was in so much pain, a pain that he had been carrying around with him for some time already. The first line “Who I am is just the habit of what I always was, and who I’ll be is the result.” (Erdrich 148) reinforces this idea. He himself may not be aware of it but despite being a good man, his method of crying out for help was guaranteed to lead him to self-destruction. The story thus reveals that humor, or making light of a situation, can be a way of dealing with pain and sadness. Symbolically, the author suggests that expression of human emotion and suffering may be reflected on things that may appear simple but actually carries with them a deeper meaning.
The narrator’s tumultuous experience was ironically triggered by a mere stuffed toucan, something he thought of purchasing to give to his ex-girlfriend, but ended up stealing it just to see if it’s going to cause him misfortune like the toucan implies in his native culture. This toucan symbolizes the narrator’s desperate call for help, of letting the people he knows and loves, that he needs saving. This was evident in the line ‘I begin to think if I show up at Dawn’s, even with nothing, on a Christmas Eve, she will throw me out.’ (Erdrich 153). It was obvious that the toucan was just an excuse to see Dawn again and that even without it, he still wanted to see her because he didn’t want to be alone on Christmas. “She will have to take me, let me stay in the couch” (Erdrich 153).
Far from the humorous manner the narrator related his story, his own musings and
thoughts are honest and straightforward, indicating that he has already accepted certain aspects of his life that brought him pain. It is clear that he has been wrapped in it for a considerable period of time, if his words “Who I am is just the habit of what I always was, and who I’ll be is the result” (Erdrich 148) is any indication. Through symbolism, he emphasizes that he represents his own pain; the he himself is that pain. He fell into the ‘habit’ of carrying his pain until it became an integral part of him that he couldn’t separate himself from it any longer. His mention of his parents does not only emphasize his idea that he has no one, but is also a telltale sign that his parents were largely the reason why he was alone. He hasn’t seen them for a long time because he “just can’t see them” (Erdrich 150), that if he closes his eyes, he would only be able to see his sister, but not her parents. It can be assumed that he was abandoned by his parents, as indicated by the line “people will leave you no matter what you say there’s no return” (Erdrich 149). His reference to “the emptiness” that one feels all around “with you in it,” that despite “singing up from the bottom of a well,” no one would be there to help you until there comes such a time that “you harm yourself” (Erdrich 154). These are all allusions to all his experiences of being isolated, and how ultimately he has resorted to harming himself just so he could get over the pain.
The cold was another symbol he used to represent the pain that he has grown to accept. Being alone makes one feel cold, and it was this feeling that made him associate himself with cold. He loves “the winter when the snow is a few hard gray clumps” (Erdrich 149) and welcomes the falling of a heavy snow, saying “let it come down” (Erdrich 153). The narrator also knew that kidnapping the young boy in the car left in him, the young Mason, the feeling that “he will always be inside him, cold and black” (Erdrich 154), and that the ‘thin ice’ that he put to the kid will always be there like it was in him. He was cold and ice, symbols that accurately despite the way he felt, thus the symbols that represent him. He was the ice that he imbedded in Mason, and as such he, the narrator, would always be a part of Mason’s life.
However, despite the pain and criminal acts, it was undeniable that he was innocent and was more a victim of his own circumstance. The part where he says the baby “shouldn’t have been there” at the back of the car, and that if he didn’t steal the bird, the baby would have been safe with his mother in the car instead of being left on his own inside the car after the narrator chose to leave him there to keep him warm from the cold weather outside (Erdrich 154). He felt remorse and worried about the baby the whole time during the chase, and this shows that he was not originally a bad person. His fascination over the baby, as if it was his first time to see someone so pure, was a welcome distraction. For someone who has been living in pain, the sight of “a child this little,” whose “face is tiny and dark, almost reddish, or copper, with its fingers splayed out against its cheeks” showed his real fascination for someone that was so far from his jagged self. Through the author’s symbolic use of Mason to illustrate the apparent contrast between them, to be contradicted by the narrator’s surprising show of gentleness, shows how pain can change a person.
Despite his crimes, the narrator was, more certain than not, a person who was suffering emotionally on his own without any other way to express it. His impulsive and irrational decision that day characterized his state of mind as an influence of his feelings. Perhaps this loneliness was triggered by Christmas, and the idea that he would be alone. Despite his mistakes, it was clear and worth taking notice that he did not mean to steal the toy or the car, or even harm the baby. He was still thinking straight and knew what he had to do. This reinforces the idea that the narrator’s symbolic journey was all a part of his elaborate method of coping with pain.
In the end, he ended up getting caught, but that fateful day when he met young Mason marked him. In his emotionally broken state, he remembered the boy as someone he marked with his “cold and black” self, that he gave the boy a “thin ice” that like himself, would always be a source of cold and loneliness (Erdrich 154). What he fails to realize was that it was the boy who marked him, that despite being in prison, he would always remember the boy that made him see something pure and clean. In his mind, thinking that even if the boy grew up, he was more to Mason than his own father because he taught him what he knew about the cold was his feeling that he was able to connect to someone, to share even a small part of the pain he contained within him. Even if it was shared with someone who was too young to even understand it, or even remember it when he grows up, the narrator found peace in the idea that he was able to establish a link with someone and have his feelings communicated. After all, for a dog like him who was already biting himself for sympathy, anything that would offer comfort and solace even for a brief time would be more than welcome.
The short story was one that was rich in symbolism that made it an interesting story. Though it was short, it was interesting to feel that while reading it, you are taken into a wild journey where one starts something in motion out on a whim, only to see it grow like wildfire in front of you, then gradually die down where you feel exhausted but alive and better. Indeed, the story of the narrator was full of irony and contradictions, a suitable characterization for someone one wouldn’t call good nor bad, but perhaps a shade of grey that stands out in the background of vibrant colors.
Work Cited
Erdrich, Louise. “I’m a Mad Dog Biting Myself for Sympathy.” Easybib.com. Web.
7 March 2016.
