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A good and healthy level of communication is integral to a successful relationship. A good communication in any relationship including the one we share with friends and family is pivotal to its success. Lack of communication leads to misunderstanding, resulting in disaster in some cases. I have a friend who broke up with her boyfriend because of their lack of communication. 'He doesn't like talking much', my friend complained. Having pressed a little further, my friend revealed that her boyfriend didn't like talking about and listening to what he termed as 'female gripes'. She is new in town, shares a dorm with couple of her batch mates. In her day to day life of living in a new city where she is still struggling to get acclimatized, she has a lot to share with her boyfriend whom she considered the only 'friend' in town. If her boyfriend refuses to give a patient ear to her emotional outpouring regarding it as something of little significance, then the whole dynamic of their relationship comes under question, because it is very important in a relationship to respect the feelings of the other person. By hearing out our near and dear ones, we just extend our mute support to them and that is where communication plays a big part. It is an exchange of emotions, patiently listening to a person offloading her heart and communicating to her feeling that make a good communication. Lacking this, the relationship or friendship is bound to fall apart. Carrying this discussion forward with the instance of my friend's break up with her boyfriend owing to lack of communication, I would like to delve deep into the subject of how bad communication affects relationships.
According to my friend, she was in this relationship for last 3 years. They have studied together in the same high school and share a bunch of common friends. In fact, he has met her mother and shares a good rapport with her brother. Her boyfriend was thoroughly impressed by her mother's outgoing nature and opinionated personality. According to him, “her mother is 'a woman of substance who runs a successful business on her accord and has been raising two children independently”. My friend, on the other hand, is not as outgoing as her mother. She is more of reclusive and introvert type. She is one of those people who take time to open out and pour forth their feelings. She allows emotions build up inside her and when the pent-up emotions come to the point of choking her, she bursts out. Her emotional outburst is often viewed in the light of her being extra sensitive in nature by her mother as well as her boyfriend. Her boyfriend, she confided, "has the tendency to compare her with her mother." He wants her to follow in her mother's footsteps and make a niche in her career. This propensity of making comparisons reminds her exactly of her mother who constantly compares her with her brother. She said, "It's like I have left the home of my mother but have started living with her alter ego in the form of my boyfriend."
Though her boyfriend is a charming young man but owing to his lack of empathy for her issues, there was a void created in their relationship. The void later turned into a chasm, ultimately resulting in their break-up. Though her boyfriend was supportive, meant well for her but one bad quality in him was his inability of listening and coming to judgment right away before even she finished with her tale. His habit of not listening is an instance of poor communication skill as he could not evoke a sense of security, faith and build esteem by paying proper attention to what his girlfriend had to say. When he told her to follow in her mother's footsteps by creating a position for herself in this world, he meant well. It just shows that he wanted her to be professionally successful, but the way he totally ignoring her feelings of grievance against her mother came to a judgment and started giving his opinion on the matter putting the finger of blame at her shows that he is not attentive to her feelings. This lack of communication dragged the void between them to such an extent when she, unable to hold her emotions any longer, gave an outburst to her feelings and the matter went worse leading to their break-up.
This break-up could have been thwarted had he showed little wisdom in dealing with the situation by trying to communicate with her in proper way, without trying to dominate the conversation. If only he had let her speak her mind, if only he had listened to her carefully without butting in off and on with his judgment, they could have been together. For a relationship, it is very important to nurture a healthy communication. Since communication is a process of exchanging emotions, ideas, concepts, feelings where both the parties take part in, if one way or the other, the exchange part turns into one party dominating the other in the conversation, that communication turns into an unhealthy one where one party always feels being suppressed.
In conclusion, we see how communication plays an important part in any relationship and how bad communication developed by non-listening habit, judgmental attitude and dominating nature lead to failures of relationships. We see how my friend feels lonely because of not being understood by her near and dear ones. It is imperative to practice listening in order to show empathy and respect for a person. If a person is judgmental and is not a good listener, he would not be able to strike a good communication with anyone.
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