Parents, especially mothers are the ones responsible for the upbringing of the children and maintaining order in the household. At times they are overwhelmed when they need to deal with their child’s temper tantrums in order to achieve peace in the household. It is not necessary that their methods used while dealing with such issues could be fruitful in the long term. For instance, the techniques used by Mr. and Mrs. Harsh in teaching discipline to their children and in making them obedient may be helpful for the time being however it is not teaching the children any life skills. The harshness, the stern discipline routines used by them and spanking their children might work in the short run but is not so effective for teaching them the appropriate ways of living. This may cause them to become rebellious and socially aggressive as they reach puberty, moreover; they would develop similar habits to solve such issues in the future. Even if they make it through this time without confrontation, they will have negative emotional issues in their relationships with other people as well as their parents.
On the other hand Mr. and Mrs. Easy Going’s ways of enforcing rules upon their children is better because it will leave a long lasting effect on the children and they will grow up to be a better human being. Having regular family meetings and setting up boundaries will help the family in creating an open atmosphere in the household where everyone knows their limits and the consequences also they can share how they feel when everyone sits together for the meeting.
Current studies suggests that spanking, no matter frequent one or seldom, is not as effective as the other disciplinary tactics which use non-physical punishment with reasoning. Also, research suggests that spankings are most detrimental when parents are angry, cold, or insensitive. It is not an acceptable punishment and is referred to as being a cruel approach. Spanking children is connected with various behavioral problems, including increased aggression and poor emotional regulation and also results in slow mental development. Older children are more likely to be susceptible to the negative effects of spanking which makes them antisocial or distressed. Moreover spanking is not as effective as non-physical punishment that involves reasoning.
Sometimes parents resort to spanking after they have tried to use other tactics to control the misbehavior of the child which indicates that their kids are particularly more aggressive or defiant than others. Child aggression triggers spanking, and spanking makes kids more aggressive, hence it doesn’t mean spanking is a effective way to handle defiance. Toddlers who are spanked are more likely to be psychologically maltreated, physically abused, or neglected and maybe they are more likely to witness domestic violence or their mothers are more likely to be depressed or stressed out.
Some kids create more trouble and they provoke parents towards strong disciplinary action. Research has found link between antisocial behavior and grounding or punishing kids by taking away their privileges to go out, and also antisocial behavior is linked with psychotherapy.
All children need to be disciplined and hence parents need to set limits for them so as to keep their children safe and happy. Also it is the responsibility of parents to teach their children the importance of self discipline that will help them become better adults in the future. Good disciplining means that parents should reward and acknowledge appropriate behavior, and on the other hand calmly address inappropriate behavior by assigning practical and realistic consequences. Discipline becomes easy once the child learns to comply with it. Therefore it is important that parents decide upon the rules and consequences before the child begins to misbehave. Punishment is a very small part of discipline or rather it should be considered as a nominal part, because a more effective way would be to think more in terms of consequences. Parents are responsible for the punishment whereas, the child is responsible for consequences. The goal for each parent is to become effective at discipline so that the consequences are rarely necessary.
Effective discipline helps children learn to control their behavior so that they act according to their ideas of what is right or wrong, not because they fear punishment. For example, they are honest because they think it is wrong to be dishonest, not because they are afraid of getting caught. The purpose of punishment is to stop the child from doing what you don’t want. A swat on the bottom is a mild punishment, however, it is not causing any physical harm, it is also not teaching the child to develop conscience. Instead, it is teaching him that physical violence is an acceptable way of dealing with problems. Hence parents should avoid using physical punishment, if they find themselves using it then there is something wrong in their methods of discipline that are not working. They may think that spanking is effective for the time being however; it is not helpful in teaching the child self-control. Hence harsh punishments and verbal abuse cannot be justified as ways of disciplining children.
Physical punishment usually does not work for several reasons, for instance it makes the child hate himself and others, it makes the child think there is something wrong with him that he is treated so badly. If the children come to believe that they are “bad” then they will act “bad” and so a vicious cycle is formed. This is because the child who has been treated harshly has no reason to be good or he may just do good to avoid being punished instead of thinking that it was the right thing to do. Moreover spanking frees the child from feelings of remorse which are needed to prevent future misbehaviors. Another disadvantage of using physical punishment is that parents have to find other discipline methods when the child becomes tall and strong and mature enough to speak back at the harsh comments used to discipline them.
Reward and punishment teaches the child to be good as long as we are looking, however, encouragement and reality targets towards disciplinary actions. When rewards are the main way of motivating the child to behave appropriately then he is always expecting a return whenever they do something right. Hence encouraging the child for his right behavior will be fruitful for a long term discipline method than reward and punishment.
Children should be allowed to experience the consequences of their decisions. This would be a hassle free way to discipline young people. Children like adults learn through experiences and this in known as learning the “hard way”. This way the child learns that, with every act comes the consequence for which he will be responsible. For instance, parents can declare that if the child does not come to table for dinner then he does not get any dinner that night, hence hunger is a natural consequence of not eating. If the child complains then parents can calmly say that he has to wait for breakfast even if he is hungry now. The child who experiences the unpleasant consequences of his behavior will be less likely to act that way again.
Consequences with appropriate reasoning should be shared with the child prior to the occurrence of inappropriate behavior so that the child can make the choice for himself. He must understand that he has a choice and he must accept the consequences for it. Moreover, it is important that the parents are strong enough to accept the child’s decision. Hence always give a couple of choices, keeping in mind that as parents you will have to stand by these choices.
Natural consequences allow the child to learn from the usual order of the world. The parent thus allows unpleasant but natural consequences to happen when a child does not act appropriately. On the other hand, logical consequences are arranged by the parents that follow the child’s behavior, for instance, not having clean clothes to wear is a logical result of not placing dirty clothes in the hamper. Some parents would not be willing for their child to go to school in dirty, rumpled clothes. Only they can decide if they want to offer their child that particular outcome. Using consequences can help the child develop a sense of accountability. It leads to warmer relationships between parents and children and to fewer conflicts.
Natural consequences cannot be used in all situations for instance wanting the child to play safe outside without running on the road may require a logical consequence to be given such as staying indoors till the child learns to play on the driveway and not run blindly on the road. The purpose of using consequences is to help the child learn to make decisions and to be responsible for his behavior; hence these are learning experience for children and not punishments. It is not easy to use consequences as a way to discipline children. It is hard work to think of consequences that really are logical. It requires a lot of patience and sometimes it may take many weeks to achieve required results.
Spanking is an action which brings pain along with it and ethically this is considered to be inappropriate. Through spanking you are teaching the child to be obedient though you have to teach the child to honor and respect you. It is a divine duty of the parent to build the child’s personality and manners, but spanking leads them to a negative emotional stage hence should be considered unethical. Moreover, spanking is a disciplinary abuse for the child hence it should be avoided. It is not justifiable to hurt a child physically; hence you may be termed as an unsuccessful parent using a cowardly act to teach discipline to the child. Majority of the baby boomers were spanked, however, a few are in the present anything but law-abiding citizens. This is correct but it does not prove that spanking is harmless, similar to the fact that two-thirds of heavy smokers do not die a smoker’s death, which does not mean that smoking is harmless. Consequently, the profusion of evidence point out that physical punishment has many damaging side effects, in combination with the evidence that other disciplined reactions are just as successful or more effective. This creates an ethical requirement to advise parents – to never spank.
Beating a child mercilessly is not preferable to teaching him with experiences where he would grow up to become a much confident and extrovert adult. Hence Mr. and Mrs. Harsh-Heart’s methods of discipline won’t be as effective as Mr. and Mr. Easy-Going’s because they are not teaching their children self-control instead teaching them violent ways to stop inappropriate behaviors. To sum up if parents learn how to discipline in a way that brings out the best in both the parent and the child then both can experience more quality time together, greater moments as a proud parent and more peace in the house.
Works Cited
- Straus, Murray A. “Children Should Never, Ever, Be Spanked No Matter What the Circumstances”. Current Controversies about Family Violence.(2nd ed., pp.137-157). 2005. Web. 22 March 2013. http://pubpages.unh.edu/~mas2/CP67%20Children%20Should%20Never%20be%20Spanked.pdf
