Soldiers, despite their initial conviction and training to kill, are beset with the heaviness of their first kill. Although some are reluctant in showing their mental state affect, others are more heavily affected by the things they have seen and committed in battle. Noah Pierce, a soldier who ultimately ended his life due to his traumas incurred in his two trips to Iraq, is a vivid example of PTSD. Murder, whether it is committed in war as an act of defense, is a heaviness that will haunt the soldiers who do survive and return home.
Noah Pierce, being described as a sensitive person, developed a case of PTSD, which is more severe in nature (Gilbertson). This might generally be the trend for people who are considered to be more sensitive than their peers. Pierce, despite being exposed to hunting and killing of animals as a child, is unable to bear the weight of having to kill people. He considers the war they are waging as a pretense to invade the country and kill innocent people. Despite not being trained as an infantry unit, Pierce was ordered to be a part of raiding houses (Gilbertson). His description of having to shoot point-blank an enemy soldier who was on his knees was probably the start of the trauma that he experienced in the long-run. Not knowing what to do, and never having been trained in how to react to that situation, he instinctively killed someone out of fear that he might have been shot. This made a huge impact on his mind due to him having essentially killed a person who had no will to fight.
Indifference and violence became factors that further corrupted Noah Pierce’s personality. Pierce, having no choice on the matter, knew that he will have to kill more people and he could not let this affect him every time. This led to him taking up a persona having a penchant to killing and violence. Although he hated the things they were doing, he did not consider the option of leaving the battle for good. He was waiting for his chance to die on the battlefield, because he knew that he will have to deal with everything he has done once he had the time to settle down. As stated by one respondent in an assessment of Iraq Veterans: “It is coming back and looking back at everything I had to put up with. That is really stressful.” (Stecker et al 1360). His indifference is shown through his running over of a child and of his seemingly nonchalance regarding his friend’s accidental murder of a 3 year old (Gilbertson).
Although people who suffer physical wounds of war seem to exhibit more tendencies to develop PTSD, Noah Pierce’s exposures in battle led to him being unable to cope with his traumas. Aside from physical wounds of war, the psychological trauma of seeing your comrades dying and of exhibiting violence on the enemies is also equally important (Greiger et al 1781). Pierce recounted of how he watched his best friend get blown up by a bomb and of how he had to pick up the pieces in a plastic bag (Gilbertson). This led to a fear of roadside bombs and his increasing tendency for violence. This is evident in his letters that show his itching and twitching to kill people, whoever they may be (Gilbertson). He almost kills a driver who gets too close to his truck whether it is due to security reasons or simply because of his increasingly irate nature (Gilbertson). All of the things he committed, despite being drowned down by more violence, continue to haunt his dreams even after the war.
Noah Pierce’s return to sanity seems to have occurred after his killing a person who turned out to be a doctor. Pierce, out of guilt for killing the doctor, continued to use the picture of the scene as his wallpaper before being told to discard it. Pierce’s PTSD is influenced by all of the murders described and mentioned in his letters. Pierce’s personality transitioned from a man easily influenced by his environment to that of an indifference and tendency for violence. Despite having contemplated his actions after his murder of the doctor, the things he has been drowning down with violence also begin to resurface. Pierce is unable to live out a normal life due to this, as he exhibited episodes of indiscriminate violence whose triggers have not been pointed out.
Not being able to die in the battlefield after the things Pierce experienced and committed led to him being suicidal. The traumas and the murders he committed haunt him and he finds ways to drown these thoughts out. Despite having promised that he will not take his own life, the isolation brought about by this decision and the haunting traumas led to Pierce being stuck in a situation which will only turn worse. There is also the stigma regarding mental health problems which further isolates the individuals suffering from it. Noah Pierce, knowing full well that he has killed innocent people felt that he deserved the same kind of retribution through his death.
Pierce felt guilt and remorse not only for the murders he committed, but also for his indifference to this during his time in Iraq. The culmination of all these events, further deteriorated by his alcoholism and depression, made Pierce end his life. Although he tried to live out his life, the severity of the guilt that he felt over the war has made this impossible. It can also be correlated that his having chosen his favorite spot, the hunting ground as the place of his death is tantamount to his desire to die on the battlefield. That he was able to send out last messages to his family and friends show that this was a conscious choice to escape his traumas.
Works Cited
Gilbertson, Ashley. “The Life and Lonely Death of Noah Pierce.” Virginia Quarterly Review (VQR) online edition. 84.4 (2008).
Stecker, Tracy et al. “An Assessment of Beliefs About Mental Health Care Among Veterans Who Served in Iraq.” Psychiatric Services 58.10 (2008). 1358-1361.
Greiger, Thomas et al. “Posttraumatic Stress Disorder and Depression in Battle-Injured Soldiers.” Am J Psychiatry 163 (2006). 1777-1783.
