Cohabitation before marriage has been a sensitive issue not only in the United State but also in other places in the world. First of all, it is important to note that the institution of marriage is a covenant that has its own regulations and governing rules. Society as whole, in most cases, has viewed marriage as the source of companionship and child bearing. However, the maintenance of the covenant in a marriage is a subject that has been difficult for many couple today. Many researchers both in the academia and within other fields have embarked on research to determine some of the reasons to why marriage as an institution is facing many stability challenges in today’s society. Out of the statistics that have been collected, cohabitation before marriage has been found to correlate with the increased number of divorce cases in society today. Meg Jay, of the New York Times, in her article, The Downside of Cohabiting before Marriage, capitalizes on the same idea.
Jay takes the central preposition that cohabitation is a destabilizer to the institution of marriage. Many people, in the United States and other parts of the world find themselves in situations whereby the fall in love with people. Despite the admission of love and affection for their mates, there is a general fear of responsibility among people. Responsibility and commitment to the institution of marriage is viewed by people as a way of making life unbearable. One thing that many people fail to understand is that if marriage as an institution is going to last, parties to the marriage contract have to take certain trade off. First of all, parties have to be ready to commit themselves to living with one partner. This means that other activities such as the cohabitation of parties with other people have to stop. However, commitment in the perspective of many is seen as being a limiting fact to the enjoyment of life. In order to enjoy the privileges of life that come with living together, as provided by marriage, many love partners often decide to live together before they are legally married. This means that these people can enjoy conjugal rights and live intimately with each other yet they have dedicated themselves to the provisions of the marriage covenant.
Considering the current economic challenges that face the world today, many people find it convenient to stay together because it reduces cost in terms of housing, and other factors such as the paying of other related bills. However, all these benefits that arise as a result of living together are short-term gains. This is because the gains are not bound to live forever because there is no bidding agreement involved among the parties who are living together. One thing that is worth noting is the fact that the lack of binding agreements between members allows them to be free to terminate their living agreements at their own will. As much as freedom to depart from such an agreement might be advantages to the parties living together in the short-run the fact remains that it is a foundation of marriage woos in case the parties involved extend their partnership to the level of marriage.
Cohabitation before marriage creates a scenario whereby the parties see the institution of marriage is not been a commitment but a convenient arrangement. This means that in most cases, people who cohabit before marriage agree to get married so that they can continue to derive the benefits that they obtain from each other. This notion and mentality is carried into marriage. This mentality of convenience makes partners not worried about the stability of their partnership, but are most concerned with whether the marriage is convenient or not. In this case convenience would be in terms of socio-economic benefit. For example, if one of the parties within the institution of marriage falls short of the capability to provide what they used to provide initially, the other partner is not ready to make an adjustment to the changes that have developed within the marriage. Instead, the other party views the most convenient thing to do is to break from the marriage, and look for an alternative arrangement that meets the needs that the previous marriage partner has been unable to provide. This accounts for reason is to why some partners cannot live with their marriage partners if they are disabled or if they lose their jobs. This is because the most important thing that these kinds of people derive from their marriage partners is not love but the materialist benefits that their partners bring into marriage.
Owing to the great divorce rates associated with cohabitation before marriage it is clear that the process of cohabitation brings into marriage an effect of non-commitment on the parties. In her article Meg Jay refers to this effect as the cohabitation effect (Jay 1). One thing that is worth noting is the fact that the pleasures that come with cohabitation are short-term. One cannot learn whether they love their partners through sex resulting from cohabitation. In some incidences, cohabitation is as a result of infatuation. Infatuation refers to the attractiveness that is instigated by the sexual desires of a given individual. Once the sexual desires of an individual are met, a person is not attracted to other person any more. This often results into resentment or in some cases separation. Therefore, many people who cohabit before marriage make their marriage decisions in many cases based on the sexual satisfactions that they derive from their partners. This means that there is a high likelihood that in some incidences people make wrong marriage partners because their love is not driven by love but is as a result of infatuation that emanates from the cohabitation that takes place before the institution of marriage is established.
Cohabitation before marriage is a practice that is not native to many cultures. Many cultures and societies have traditionally vehemently opposed to cohabitation before marriage. However, dynamics in society have changed. The recent advancement of technology has introduced things like birth control. The availability of this kind of technology has allowed many people especially the youth today to exercise some of the habits that were initially against culture. Birth control paraphernalia have created a general acceptability of cohabitation within society because it is believed that the consequences of such activities are controllable. Considering that current technology such as birth control increases assurance among the youth that their actions of cohabitation are safer, cohabitation before marriage has continued to increase among various societies. As much as technology solves the problems associated with cohabiting before marriage in the short run, the fact remains that technology is not a solution to the problems associated with cohabitation in the long run. This is because birth control technology can be used to prevent short term effects such as unwanted pregnancies, but the process of marriage instability resulting from the cohabitation effect cannot be solved using technology.
In addition, it is worth noting that cohabiting before marriage is easy because many partners view such a move as being a step closer towards getting married. However, the fact remains the fact remains that cohabitation as a process is addictive. It is easier to start the process of cohabiting, but over time moving from the practice is difficult. Many people tend to be inflexible towards change. Not many people take it easily to move from one life-style to another. Similar not many people would be willing to shift from the process of cohabiting to a committed marriage. Therefore, even though parties often move from cohabiting to marriage, they still maintain the conventional mentality and understanding about the institution of marriage. This makes it easier, for these types of partners to easily divorce because they view the lack of commitment as being a life-style to which they are accustomed to.
Therefore, the overarching question underlying cohabitation before marriage is its short-term and long-term implications to the institution of marriage. In the short-term, cohabitation might be a source of sexual pleasure, and also a convenience in terms of economics and life styles. However, the fact remains that in the long-term, cohabitation before marriage possess the risk of destabilizing marriages because the partners involved do not approach marriage with the seriousness in terms of commitment as it is supposed to be. The lack of adequate meditation resulting from cohabitation before marriage, unless checked by society, will continue to be a source of marriage instability now and in the future.
Works Cited
Jay, Meg. "The Downside of Cohabiting Before Marriage." New York Times 14 Apr. 2012: n. pag. Access U.S. Newswires. Web. 24 Nov. 2012.
Works Cited
Jay, Meg. "The Downside of Cohabiting Before Marriage." New York Times 14 Apr. 2012: n. pag. Access U.S. Newswires. Web. 24 Nov. 2012.
