An Open Letter to Marriage Savers
Marriage and family are the foundation of the society. While it is ideal for a family to be together, some marriages don’t end up successfully and ultimately ends up in a divorce. No matter how unappealing it may be, divorce has always been a part of the American society. It has been an issue of concern, especially so in the year 1970s until the early 1980s, when it reached its highest rate. Thankfully, records today show that its number has considerably decreased over the years, and has not increased since then. It is encouraging to know that people nowadays are making a conscious effort to stay in their marriage until death parts them. Itis comforting to know that children will grow up in the middle of a family who will care for them. There is strength in knowing that the society is held together by families which is bonded together by love and mutual respect. However, while these scenarios are ideal, divorce continues to exist and demands to be addressed.
I share and strongly support your position and efforts in maintaining and enriching marriages, as long as it is also what the couples want because they love each other. A strong marriage bonded by love makes children feel secure because the children know and feel that the whole family is together because of their love for each other. Children then grow up comfortable of themselves and what they can do because they know that their parents are always there to support them. As a result, children grow up with good disposition in life, taking on a positive attitude in almost everything in life. While I agree with your position on maintaining and encouraging good marriages, I also feel that divorce should not be stopped, especially when staying in the marriage is only destroying the couple and their children.
Although divorce may generally result to negative consequences that could directly impact the children in so many ways, there are some good things that can be derived from it. One positive impact that children can get from their parents’ divorce is the ability to handle distress. Divorce is generally ugly as it is, in most cases, punctuated by a series of loud and constant arguments. This kind of environment is not good for children, but according to Dr. Gail Gross (2014), a human behavior, parenting, and education expert, speaker, and author, when the children sees a parent make mistakes and regain his/her true self, the children are given a chance to see their mom/dad make human mistakes and recover from them. In the process, they can learn how to value one’s self and use it as a model for handling their own distress effectively.
In another study published in year 2000, by Dr. Catherine M. Lee, an expert in Community Psychology, and Dr. Karen Bax, a renowned clinical psychologist, children may also be able to learn some valuable problem-solving skills from seeing their parents work things out and resolve their issues, such as finances, visiting arrangements, and other factors that mostly involve the children. Being a single parent also requires both parents, especially mothers, to make efective plans regarding the children’s daily expenses, both at home and in school, as well as all other monthly payables. It is also a part of the parent’s task to make plans for the children’s future, and when children see their parents working things out, it is possible for them to learn the benefits of being able to solve conflicts.
When children get to see their parents separately, their involvement with their parents’ lives gets better (Lee & Bax 2000). They find an opportunity to talk with each other more and know each other better when they are with their mother or father. As such, the children’s lives become more enriched as they learn different things from and about both parents. In another study by Mohi (2014), it was also found that divorce which ended amicably teach children to have longer-lasting relationships with others when they grow older. In the same way, their relationships with their fathers are also found to be unaffected, which echoes the results of Lee and Bax’s (2000) study.
Dr. Lee and Dr. Bax (2000) also point out how communication between a parent and a child may also be improved, as when they are not with each other, the parent tends to call their son/daughter to check on them. These calls could lead to longer conversations as the child shares what s/he has done with the other parent. There may also be benefits for children when their parents communicate regularly to dicuss their children. Dr. Lee and Dr. Bax (2000) recommend this as by doing so, parents could dicsuss and maintain similar rules in both households, as well as support each other’s authority and parenting role on their children. With all these positive relationship and influences surrounding the children, their well-being is given an opportunity to improve as they are removed from their once high-conflict household. Although some may argue that the negative effects of divorce far outweigh these possible positive consequences, they are worth considering and taken into consideration in the discussion of divorce. Parents may find it hard to stay with each other, but the welfare of the children, that they are happy and well-taken care of, should be a priority in a good divorce. (See Fig. 1)
Divorce predominantly connotes a broken family, problematic children, physical and emotional abuse, abuse of drugs and alcohol, out-of-school children, and many other negative images. However, this may not always be the case. Like the cliche “something good comes out of bad,” a divorce may not always ruin children’s lives. When taken on a positive perspective, a divorce may also work as a good influence for both parents and children to be better persons. I hope that the arguments I have provided would also make you see the good side of a divorce, and that instead of insisting that couples in an already problematic marriage stay together, they should be allowed to get a divorce to prevent future problems from developing.
References
Gross, G. (2014). Positive outomes of divorce. The Huffington Post. Retrieved from
https://owl.english.purdue.edu/owl/resource/560/10/
Lee, C.M. and Bax, K.A. (2000). Children’s reaction to parental separation and divorce. NCBI,
5(4). Retrieved from http://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC2817796/
Mohi, G. (2014). Positive outcomes of divorce: A multi-method study on the effects of parental
divorce on children. (Unpublished dissertation). University of Central Florida, Florida. Retrieved from http://etd.fcla.edu/CF/CFH0004550/Mohi_Grant_W_201405_BA.pdf
