Dean Krishna,
What is a man if not his internal doubts? It is only an irresolution that is capable of guiding a person into new discoveries. Curiosity, fear, uncertainty. Life does not advance without tension. Eagerness and hesitation are ultimately synonyms. Two opposite ideas. A paradox. Self-development comes with confusion. And yet you ask me to pursue knowledge at all costs.
It is hard to understand why. Things have no motives to be. Beings have no motives to exist. You say that we always are, notwithstanding the physical condition. That we never cease to be, before or after our passage on earth. Why? Isn’t what defines a man that what goes on his mind? How is it possible that a deceased mind still simple is?
When we are brought into this existence we have nothing but our intellect. What we do with it is what makes each person an individual. Some believe that life is a blessing and we should be overwhelmed by it; others insist that being is a terrible omen, a punishment for a misbehavior. Which one is correct, Krishna? How one must approach our mortal presence?
You say that in serenity all sorrows dissolve. That with inner peace comes tranquility. You say that to achieve this all one have to do is pursue knowledge. Rightly so I am here now proud of what I am, certain of the things I want to do and deferential to those I should be thankful for it. I wonder how I am supposed to move on when everything I believe is on my way.
Surely my questioning comes from an incertitude of thought. I cannot find the discipline required to detach myself from terrene objects. Lord Krishna, is it acceptable that one seeks pleasure in all actions? Not as an end, but as a mean. To fully enjoy any given moment is to completely understand it. No lesson is learnt if by a demeaning exchange of ideas.
All I can see is that the consequences of our actions are the reason for why we most likely look for help when in course of doing something. No-one wants to carry the burden alone. Sharing the anxiety leads to an agreed end, and both sides bear half of the aftermath. This is why I come for you, Krishna. I need your aid in order to relieve my conscience.
Shall I move forward on my own expenses? Shall I disregard whatever comes up betwixt me and my destiny, hoping to find a clear path or maybe a decent way to make it up afterwards? These are questions that I might be able to forge an answer in my mind alone, however to speak it loudly I need an assertive response from some higher instance.
I thank you already. For everything. All my gratitude for saying that understanding is the most important thing, even though it just alighted more and more question in me. I thank you for showing me the duality of this world, the dichotomy in which we have to strive to reach peace and, accordingly, joy. Above all, I praise you for sharing your wisdom with me in the most intriguing manner, because no man is full while merely reproducing the ideas of others. In dissipating my anger you turned me into a real individual: full of doubts.
Arjuna, prince of Pandava
