Introduction
Having the knowledge and capability of introducing a newly engaged couple to the entire framework of interpersonal communication and providing them with the details so that they can maintain a healthy relationship is the core purpose of my letter. Interpersonal communication refers to the use of conversational skills from one person to another. The feedback and reaction to the message of the sender is necessary to ensure that successful interpersonal communication has taken place. In addition to this, it is highly significant to understand the ways through which effective communication takes place and to avert any kind of conflicts. In order to guide you through the world of interpersonal communication, it is important to thoroughly study the basic principles which are involved in using the interpersonal skills in an effective manner, while recognizing all the relevant misconceptions related to it. Moreover, it is important to apply suitable levels of self-disclosure and to identify all the barriers that need to be eliminated in order to ensure a healthy interaction; I shall also discuss the power of words and the strategies that are required to manage the interpersonal conflicts if they occur; the strategic guidelines can only be developed when personal shortcomings are assessed so that communication competency can actually be improved. In order to ensure the success of your relation, you must be familiar with all these issues that can provide obstacles in the maintenance of the interpersonal relationship between couple.
Dear Sara and Tim, first of all, I would like to congratulate you on your engagement; as I have already stated that interpersonal communication is a very delicate matter which needs to be addressed very thoughtfully in particular for a newly engaged couple as you are. I believe this is the right time that you understand the significance of the interpersonal communication between a couple; this is going to be the building block of your future relation and it must be strong enough so that you can lead a successful and happy life as a married couple. I would like to thank you for giving me this opportunity to share my knowledge which I have gained through my course of Interpersonal Communication.
Principles and Misconceptions in Communication
As a couple you should be familiar with the four principles of interpersonal communication and certain myths about communication. First of all, as you have been recently engaged, I would like you to realize the significance of interpersonal communication; it is so obvious that you cannot avoid it at any cost as a couple. This is the time when you shall be spending more time together and obviously you would try to understand each other which means that you would be communicating frequently with each other. Don’t forget that communication is not always about applying your linguistic skills and making a speech; it can be in the form of facial expressions, a nod or even a frown.
The way through which you communicate without uttering a word is known as the non-verbal language or the body language in general. A frown can mean dislike while a hug can indicate your love and willingness. So, you both should keep in mind that whenever you communicate with each other, you must align your verbal and non-verbal skills so that your words and your gestures/actions convey similar meaning. I would like to add something very critical here; never ignore each other. Ignoring is not about not communicating; rather you are communicating through your non-verbal skills that you are angry or you don’t feel like talking to the other person. It is obvious that there is no option of not communicating.
My dears, the second principle is again very important so please pay attention to it; this process of interpersonal communication cannot be reversed once it takes place. You should always think before you speak or behave as a couple; never act selfishly or it will ruin your relation. You must always realize how would your partner react to your words or your actions in advance because once it happens, you would not be left with any option to reverse it (Scollo and Carbaugh, 2013). Being engaged means that you have planned for a long time commitment which means that you should be very cautious with your communication skills and should always consider how it shall affect your partner. Remember, that you are on equal terms here and so both should act empathetically and try to communicate in a way that would flourish your relation. Mind it, don’t ever comment on your partner negatively or else you would hurt your relationship.
I have seen many couples taking interpersonal communication for granted, but I would request you not to make this mistake. It is not as simple as it seems to be; communication is a highly complex process where direct and indirect meanings of words play their role. You should always make sure that there is no hidden meaning which would unintentionally send wrong message to your partner. The last principle is to acknowledge the context of communication; you should be aware of the reason of the communication. In particular, you should be aware of who you are and your relation with the other person. It would be very helpful when you realize this and respect each other (Nicotera, 1997).
There are some misconceptions also regarding interpersonal communication; you may also have such beliefs that I would like to rectify: first of all, we tend to stereotype people and make inaccurate misconception; we assume that everybody is aware of what we are saying; emotions are not to be shown; we are always right; communication is always a good thing (Cheney and May et al., 2011). All these notions are wrong; trust me! These should not be believed. These are also known to be the myths and are not true in any case; you must always avoid these myths.
Self-disclosure in Relationship
Personal communication or disclosure is critical in a relation. Self-disclosure means to reveal personal thoughts, experiences, feeling and even likes/dislikes so that one becomes transparent to the other person. Moreover, you should be open and share with each other all your secret thoughts, feelings, fears and even your shortcomings. “Couples need to assure that their conversations are a means of sharing what means most to both of them” (Gibson, 2011). I read this article by Gibson (2011) where it was stated that not all the conversations qualify to be known as communication; you should focus on strengthening your communication skills. Being a newly engaged couple, you should realize that your partner desires to be valued; he/she wants to know that you care and that you understand your partner. Self-disclosure is all about conveying your feelings, your thoughts and even your desires. Try to enhance the quality of your conversation so that it can truly be attributed to a communication rather than focusing on the quantity.
You must convey all the significant traits so that there is a mutual understanding between you guys; trust me, this is going to be the foundation of your relationship (Forgas, 2011). This is the time when you need to give voice to yourself and it would decide your future. Sara, I would personally request you to remember this; I know you are a bit shy but your relationship can only deepen when you both willingly disclose yourselves to your partner. It should be about sharing and trusting your partner with what seems to be your secret thoughts.
Communication between couples should involve being transparent and open to your partner. Emotional problems and issues are created due to weak interpersonal communication between the couple. I would again emphasize that both of you must communicate with each other in this manner; it would build trust, mutual respect, and love in your relationship.
Building a romantic relationship like yours means that personal boundaries should be eliminated so that there is no secret which could hinder the communication. In order to maintain a romantic relationship, it is important to be transparent and open which includes the “exchange of personal information that is not generally revealed to others with whom one is not close” (Derlega, 1984). It has been researched that the couples with higher levels of mutual gazing have a more satisfied romantic relation; it is obvious, “speaking with eyes” is a non-verbal way to communicate which is only possible when you are open to your partner and have a strong bond of love and trust. “Genuine intimacy requires spontaneity and the willingness to speak freely” (Derlega, 1984), so I shall again ask you to be open with each other and develop your intimacy.
Barriers to effective Interpersonal Interaction
Communication is hindered by certain barrier which is also known as “noise”. Eisenberg (2010) states that, “four types of barriers are process barriers, physical barriers, semantic barriers and psychosocial barriers.” Without identifying these barriers, the couple would soon become disjointed; it is important to realize that each individual is different from the other. The communication link could be broken over time if these barriers are not identified and removed; so expressing ourselves and eliminating these barriers is significant.
As a couple, you would frequently fact emotional barriers; it occurs when there is some fear or mistrust. As I already said that you need to be open with each other and develop a relation where you do not need words to communicate; there must be mutual respect and trust in your relationship. You must not let this barrier disrupt you; be sure to open up and discuss whatever is affecting you with your partner. Remember not to dominate or be dominated; a romantic relation requires equality; with equality, you would lose any kind of fear or mistrust.
There could be some physical barriers too like the lack of proximity; make sure to relate with each other as two halves who must be fixed together to form a single complete unit. So, you should always focus on finding some time when you can share all your fears and your ideas as a couple and engage in your future plans (Neff and Beretvas, 2013). Tim, I would specifically point you to find time for Sara because your overindulgence in work can become a physical barriers for her. And if this is not paid attention to, it can make you two apart.
Interpersonal communication is also affected by the linguistic and cultural barriers. Each individual has a different upbringing, belongs to a different cultural or ethnic background. In your case, both of you have different ethnicity and linguistic skills; so, this barrier can hurt you in many ways. You should be well aware of the mode of speech and the context for the speech. You should try to use words that are polite and intimating towards each other and make sure that there is no unintentional rudeness.
In addition to this, there is another barrier that can destroy your relation and that is the prolonged silence. This is usually the reaction when one is angry and either lacks any kind of skills to communicate their feelings or it can be the willingness to punish the partner. Sometimes, people tend to remain silent due to the combination of these reasons (Schoenberg, 2010). Don’t ever do this, silence is more painful than negative words; it can depress the partner. Silence is not the cure; ignoring the problem does not means that the problem has vanished. This is the time when you need to make use of your trust and disclosure, you should openly engage in communication so that you can restore your relation.
Yet another barrier for your relation my dear Tim and Sara could be the overriding of your feelings and to conciliate your partner. I have been repeatedly telling you suppression of feelings would eventually lead to misunderstanding as those feelings would sooner or later be signaled to your mate and it would hurt the intimacy in relationship. I would like you to consider it my wish for both of you to be authentic and genuine with each other and never compromise your true identity by hiding your feelings as your self-worth would be impeded (Sole, 2011). I have personally seen couple breaking up due to negative interaction or what is known as a blame game. Don’t ever blame your mate for your own shortcomings like it’s often heard: “now look what you made me do,” it only enables you to manipulate the impression of your partner (Simon, 2009). Again, the easiest solution is to be honest and open with your partner and accept your accountabilities.
Power of Words in Interpersonal Communication
As a couple both of you should realize the significance and the power of the words. Bruna Martinuzzi once said, “Words have great power. They can make us erupt into laughter or bring tears to our eyes. They can influence, inspire, manipulate and shock. They can build and destroy.” Words are actually the externalization of what one is thinking and so they determine your behavior as well as your perceptions; further, they cannot be taken back once they have been uttered. Being careless with your speech can hurt your relation and cause misunderstandings in the long run which would soon result in breakup. Make sure that you do not treat your partner as some friend or colleague; you should avoid careless utterances and consciously use words so that the relationship can flourish in the future. Careless words can hurt and cause negative perceptions which would make it impossible to tolerate each other and live together. I believe you will always make sure to select your words carefully so that disagreements can be avoided (Ladd, 2007).
Strategies for managing interpersonal conflicts
Having differences, it is very common to face conflicts; it is important to identify the strategies to resolve interpersonal conflicts. Daniel Canary, Professor of Arizona State University noted, “a lack of conflict is assured in one of two extremely unlikely conditions: when people are entirely constrained from thinking, feeling, and acting, or when they are talking to clones of themselves” (Ladd, 2007). Avoiding the conflict is not the solution; rather the conflict should be faced as soon as it occurs.
Whenever a conflict arises, don’t play blame games and do not initiate a discussion in the middle; it is far better to step back. Empathizing is very important in the relation or else misunderstanding would become huge obstacles. Seeking help from a neutral person can be a good act but it is far better if you revisit the issue amongst yourself and try to solve the problem. Amongst the various forms of communication, the most effective is the face-to-face communication and when you intend to resolve a conflict specially when in your case, you seek to save your romantic relationship, you should communicate face-to-face with each other. And mind it, your non-verbal expressions would be helpful in resolving more than your verbal skills; when this actually happens, it means you have good understanding, trust, mutual respect and a highly intimating relationship.
Conclusion
Being a couple you should realize the significance of interpersonal communication; and ensure that all critical issues are addressed effectively so that a healthy relationship can be maintained. In order to ensure a successful relationship, it is important that couples improve their interpersonal communication when they start dating. As a couple you should realize that communication is based upon some solid principles and certain misconceptions too. It is a complex process which can neither be avoided nor reversed. Whenever uttering any word, you should be very conscious to not hurt your partner and give special attention to your relation. Being open and honest helps to build trust and avoid conflicts. Dear Tim and Sara, I hope my knowledge would be helpful to you and guide you through your relationship; I would still love to assist you whenever you require any further.
References
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