I first met Mrs. Mangala Deshmukh when my mother, who was her father’s colleague, took us to her place after we were invited for dinner. I had never visited an Indian family before that and Mrs. Deshmukh warmly welcomed us with an offering of the signature Indian beverage called the Lassi. ‘A perfect drink for a gorgeous summer time’, Mrs. Deshmukh said. She loved and cherished the summer season as it brought back to her the fond childhood memories of summer vacations. ‘Vacations were an interesting part of my childhood’, she said. ‘A chance to experience the complete joy of childhood after a tedious academic year without any burden of homework.’ She also credits the role of summer vacations, even more than school, in her personality development.
Her childhood home was located in the Basavangudi neighborhood. She told that it is one of the oldest and most important residential areas in Bangalore. The name Basavanagudi translates to English as ‘Bull Temple’, named after a popular bull temple situated in the central region of the neighborhood (Bora, “Basavanagudi Club: Embedded in Rich History, Tradition”). ‘It is an upper middle class neighborhood’, she said. ‘Most gentlemen I knew from my childhood days were Government Officials, Professors, Lawyers, Engineers and Businessmen. During his retirement, my father was the Chief Engineer in the Public Waterworks Department.’ Naturally, she grew up to become a thoughtful, rational, sensible and intellectual woman.
She had preferred to play with the children of all age group, and she never let anyone sideline her. ‘I acted like a commander-in-chief, although I lost most of the games we played,’ she said. She made an interesting point as she discussed her childhood saying that she loved to play with analog toys as a child. ‘It must have been a time when Digital Electronics was still in its infancy, and we only knew the attractive analog gadgets such as the watch, pendulum clocks, radio, record players and typewriters. Let’s not forget the cinema, me and my friends preferred going to the movies more than playing out in the sun. I clearly remember how my grandparents despised my lack of interest in playing with wooden toys and traditional board games. They also wished that I preferred to read the Vedic literature instead of coffee table books or magazines. Therefore, I don’t think that the modern day children’s preference for electronic toys isn’t as alarming a phenomenon as it is touted to be,’ she said.
For the purpose of this essay, I asked Mrs. Deshmukh some detailed questions about her upbringing. When asked about her parent’s marriage, she said that most Indian marriages remain strong till the end and her parents were no different. There is still a matter of stigma associated with breaking up of marriages (Fried, “Divorce in India”). Motivation is provided to solve any issues that arise in family life for the sake of their children’s future. Elders instruct their children to avoid encouraging such destructive thoughts along with an advice to learn to cope up with the stress involved in running a family. Thus, the culture has enabled many families, including the dysfunctional or semi-dysfunctional ones, to stay together till the end. She affirmed that albeit a few occasional differences in opinion, her parents did exceedingly well in their marriage. As it was basically a patriarchal family, her mother wasn’t allowed to directly question her father, and her father wasn’t the head of the family until her grandfather passed away during her high school.
About her high school, Mrs. Deshmukh feels very proud of how it ended. ‘I was constantly reprimanded by my teachers in high school over trivial matters. I couldn’t help but get frustrated,’ she said. ‘I was happy when my results turned out to exceed my own expectations. It was a moment of vindication. In my 10th grade examinations, I passed with a score of 72% which was a score of distinction in our days. I gave my family more reason to celebrate as we were already holding a ‘Grihapravesham’ (house warming) ceremony of our new home.’
In India, students of central syllabus complete their school after 12th grade. A student under state syllabus complete their school after 10th grade, and must take up two years of Pre-University education before applying for graduation. Mrs. Deshmukh, who studied under state syllabus, took up her Pre-University education in a reputed institution of the city called MES (Mysore Educational Society) college. Science was her major discipline as she had dreamt of becoming a Science professor. She also completed her Bachelor’s degree in Science from the same institution.
She aspired for a career in University very early on in her childhood. Her influences came from dignified Professors who lived in her neighborhood, and she had always looked up to them as her role models. As soon as she finished her college, she started working as a Junior Professor in the Maharani College after delaying her plans to pursue her Masters. She continued to work there for the next five years until she was completely disillusioned with the education system of India. She explained that she first believed the problem was with the poor reputation of the Bangalore University where she graduated. It took her some time to realize that the entire education system worked to only produce hirable employees. Very recently, an international poll ranked just one university from India among the top 500 of the world (Dhar, “Only One Indian Institute in the Top 500 World Universities”).In her opinion, students learnt only to get distraught with the process of learning, rather than appreciate its developmental aspect. ‘As I no longer felt I belonged in that academic machine called Indian Education, I quit my work indefinitely and spontaneously took up a career in writing instead,’ she said in summarization of her brief career in teaching.
According to Mrs. Deshmukh, bringing up the kids is nothing short of a creative activity. She describes that the children look up to their parents for different needs in different stages. As infants, they needs their parents to nurture them into grown-up kids. As grown-up kids, they look up to the parents for moral support and mentorship. She tells that it was after moving to America that she learnt the importance of treating children like a friend, explaining that it helps the children to open up about all their pleasures and pain. She never opened to her parents about her confusions regarding sensitive matters such as sex and insecurities after puberty, but she gives her children a fair chance to open up about both their brighter and darker sides.
She has no hard feelings about her old age. When anyone asks her about her youth, she snaps back saying she hasn’t gotten old at all and comments on her own attitude to remain young at heart. ‘I never let any younger relatives in India address me in a way that makes me aware of my aging,’ she says with a laughter.
She looks forward to move back to India after her husband retires, but is really not sure if that plan would be practically possible. ‘It is hard for anyone who have lived in the US to even think about moving back to India. However, I enjoy visiting my home frequently,’ she says.
Works Cited
Bora, Sangeeta. "Basavanagudi Club: Embedded in Rich History, Tradition." The New Indian Express. The New Indian Express Group, 16 May 2013. Web. 14 Apr. 2016.
Fried, Michael. "Divorce in India." Postcolonial Studies. Emory, June 2012. Web. 14 Apr. 2016.
Dhar, Aarthi. "Only One Indian Institute in the Top 500 World Universities." The Hindu. 16 Aug. 2013. Web. 14 Apr. 2016.
