Listening as a Means for Effective Interpersonal Communication
For this assignment, the situation will focus on the dynamics of the listening process between two sisters, Kaitlyn and Tonie, whose mother recently passed away. Kaitlyn works in a different state, and thus, has not been able to take care of their ailing mother. On the other hand, because Tonie opted to find work within their neighborhood, she had all the time to bond with their mother and foster a closer and more meaningful relationship with each other. Upon their mother's death, Kaitlyn was overwhelmed with guilt for not having been able to mend her relationship with her mother, especially after an altercation that happened between them six months prior. As Kaitlyn poured out all her misgivings, anger, and guilt feelings, Tonie was beside her sister listening and offering advice.
Listening Styles
Listening is both an action and a response to certain stimulus. Oftentimes, it is the most neglected aspect of the communication process that is why results vary depending on how a person perceives or understands a situation or communication exchange (Kline, 1996).
In the case of Kaitlyn and Tonie, Tonie is the receiver of the messages, and is considered as the "listener". In her role as the listener, she effectively used various listening methods and responses that are very appropriate to the situation at hand.
First, Tonie used empathic and objective listening while her sister was talking about her feelings. Putting herself in her sister's shoes was the best approach because she understood her on a personal level considering their close ties. Although both sisters' relationship with their mother is a study in contrast (Tonie was closer to her mother than Kaitlyn was), with Tonie being more empathic, she was able to share her sister's feelings and understand where she was coming from. At the same time, it is not enough that listeners use empathy when listening.
Effective listeners must also be objective enough in their assessment of the situation and the message being conveyed. In Tonie's case, she could have fallen trap to prejudice considering she is privy to the issues concerning Kaitlyn and their mother. Instead, she disengaged herself from the situation and viewed it from an outsider's point of view. Thus, she was able to be empathic and objective at the same time.
This leads to another listening method that Tonie unconsciously followed. Her objectivity towards the situation shows that she can be a nonjudgmental listener. Her aim to understand the situation and validate Kaitlyn's feelings without judgment qualifies her (Tonie) as a good listener. Despite Tonie knowing her mother's sentiments, she opted to hear out Kaitlyn's side of the story with an open mind even though she knew that some of the details of the altercation might not be in accordance with what her mother told her.
In addition, Tonie also tried to engage Kaitlyn in an active conversation by asking questions and echoing what her sister meant by her words. When Kaitlyn said, "I feel terrible that Mom passed away without me having the chance to say how sorry I am", Tonie explored further by asking which instances did Kaitlyn felt sorry about. This gave Kaitlyn peace and strength to say what was on her mind, giving her the chance to elaborate and explore her feelings deeper, without fear of being judged. Tonie, on her end, refrained from asking leading questions that could have swayed Kaitlyn to respond differently or feel defensive. By actively listening to her sister's words, Tonie was able to ask the right questions that gave way to Kaitlyn opening up her real thoughts and feelings without feeling threatened.
Because Kaitlyn felt secured that she could trust Tonie with her thoughts, her initial apprehension of showing her feelings and sharing her thoughts slowly vanished. Tonie did not only depend on Kaitlyn's verbal cues, but had the mind to observe her non-verbal communication signals as well. Although Kaitlyn talked in a calm and soothing voice, her actions betrayed her real motivations. Like, for instance, when Kaitlyn would not look directly at Tonie, how she twisted her fingers every time she mentioned her unresolved gap with their mother, and the straight, unbending posture she initially had at the beginning of their conversation. As Tonie gained Kaitlyn's trust, the more Kaitlyn opened up her thoughts and feelings.
Wrapping Up
Most of the time, miscommunication happens when individuals go about the communication process with preconceived notions about a specific situation. At other times, listeners "feed" or lead a person to answer in a particular manner. Again, such method only makes way for communication breakdown. In all these, it only shows that Tonie is indeed a good listener by the way she handled the whole situation. She may not have consciously applied the methods of listening during her interaction with Kaitlyn, but she did very well in giving Kaitlyn a chance to express her feelings with less guilt and in a relaxed manner.
The whole conversation between the sisters only strengthened my resolve about how important listening is in any type of communication. In addition, I believe that we should not only listen with our ears, but with our eyes and heart as well. Otherwise, we will only understand what the other person wants us to hear, instead of understanding and hearing the deeper meaning of their words. We should also be very observant about what the other person is not saying as opposed to what he or she is expressing. The saying, "action speaks louder than words", is so real when it comes to listening because many people use words to express their topmost feelings, but their actions say more than what their words actually mean.
References
Kline, John A. (1996, April), Listening effectively. Retrieved from http://www.au.af.mil/au/awc/awcgate/kline-listen/b10tp.htm
