Williams (2004) claims that almost all of us genuinely believe we are good listeners, and therefore have no need to actively develop skills in listening. I must confess that I included myself in that majority. However, I became conscious that my intensity of listening slipped from time to time. Examples: someone tells me a story I have heard before; in a meeting my thoughts unintentionally wander to dwell on some pressing personal issue of current concern.
A listening issue that I personally find irritating in others is when I can see that they are not really listening to me; when I am speaking and I can tell by the other person’s “glazed” facial expression he/she is simply waiting for me to pause for breath, to grab the opportunity to interject – quite possibly on an unrelated topic. Similarly, a college lecturer must feel annoyance if he sees a student staring into space – clearly not focused on his lecture. I am aware that by allowing my mind to wander, I risk not receiving vital information or of misunderstanding an important point. I have to admit that there was an occasion in class when I was unable to answer a question because I had not fully taken in what the lecturer had said.
Using what Williams calls “Effective Listening” has helped me to become a better listener. That entails making a conscious effort to absorb what someone tells me, then providing feedback (either asking for clarification, or just making a comment on what was said) thereby demonstrating that I was actually listening and received the information given. I have used this technique frequently in meetings, mainly to ensure that I fully understood the assigned task(s).
Another strategy – as published by the U.S. State Department – is called “Active Listening” (n.d.). Essentially, it requires following four simple rules: try to understand before trying to be understood; do not be judgmental, give the speaker your undivided attention; make effective use of silence (don’t interrupt!). Using either this strategy, or the similar method (Effective Listening) recommended by Williams, has made me a better listener.
References
“Active Listening.” (n.d.). U.S. Department of State. Retrieved from: http://www.state.gov/m/a/os/65759.htm
Williams, Scott. (2004) “Listening Effectively.” Raj Soin College of Business, Wright State University, Dayton,Ohio. Retrieved from: http://www.wright.edu/~scott.williams/LeaderLetter/listening.htm
