Love Machine
I agree with Gottman’s assessment of what it takes to sustain a relationship. This is because the relationship is between two parties and for that reason both parties should always make an effort to ensure that the relationship work by allowing the other partner influence their decision. Dr. Gottman’s assessments show’s that is not always about the scientific approach of the experiments of marriage, but in hearing more on the issues that the couples present during their sessions in the lab.
The lab video presents various issues that I did not understand about relationships. For example, couples that share a very strong feeling annoyed how they meet have a stronger relationship compared to couples who speak less about how they met with each other. Additionally, couples do not separate because of their financial problems or disagreement about children, but more profound issues in a relationship. The research in the lab further identifies that people who base their relationship on sex do not have a successful relationship.
Therefore, I feel that the Love Lab is sufficient in the information on that it gives and the dealings that go on in the lab. The process that is used to solve the problems of couples is not long and the couples are given a platform to say what they feel about their relationships in the questionnaire before they undergo the lab test. Dr. Gottman does not base his judgment on the couple on the information and analysis conducted in the lab, but by listening to the issues of the couples carefully and on a more personal level. Hence, it shows that Gottman gives good advice on how to make relationships work in a relationship.
There is no formula for a successful relationship because all people need to have is understanding and respect for their partners. This is because all couples have different issues in their relationships and no single formula can be formulated to manage and help relationships work. Dr. Gottman listens to the couple of problems individually and not in a group. This shows that whatever couple A is going through is not the same as what, couple B or C is going through. The doctor has been experimenting on the couple’s for thirty years and up to date he has not found a formula for successful relationship.
The Love lab video shows that all couples have different problems and they react differently to the issues that they face. For example, conflict technicians fix the machines that see how the heart rates of a person are when they are asked certain questions. Some may fidget because they are upset and some because they are flirting the same as marriages people have different reactions. For that reason, no psychologist can be able to come up with a formula for a good relationship.
The ideas in the lab video compared to other scholarly articles are the same in the sense that Dr. Gottman determines the stability of a relationship by looking at what he calls the Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse. The four horsemen include criticism, defensiveness, contempt and stone balling. Therefore, Gottman establishes that there is a need for stability in a relationship and this can only be achieved by having the following principles a relationship. First, there must be mutual respect for a relationship to work. Both partners must respect one another opinions and if an issue arises then it should be talked about and not ignored. However, this does not mean that couples should always accept what their partners say if they think that, it is not right.
The issue of mutual respect should go to the extent of love and trust throughout the relationship. For instance, in the study made by Gottman it shows that couples who talk a lot about how they meet and they are enthusiastic about it seem to have a stronger relationship. Such couples have a respect for each other and it shows that they understand each other as well as how far they have come all through their relationship.
The second, the principle is arguing and not fighting where the couple is allowed to argue in any relationship because it is said that couple’s that do not argue do not have a healthy relationship because it is right and okay to argue in a relationship. When couples argue and find a solution, they become stronger in a relationship. In the lab test, in the love lab, we see that couples are given twenty minutes to cool off before they rejoin with their partners to discuss issues that affect their relationship.
Active listening is also important for a relationship to work because through communication couples can resolve their differences amicably. This is because when couples listen to each other, they realize their weakness and they find a way to collect their mistakes.
The other principle is having common goals and values reason being when couples have the same goals and values they tend to understand each other better. However, it is not a requirement that couples should have the same interest they can have different interest. What matters the most in a relationship is whether they share the same values. If the couples share the same values, the marriage works even better. This is because when they work together in achieving these goals they strengthen the bond they have in a relationship.
Lastly, couple mostly fights on the chores and how to raise their children. According to Yorio (2007), it is always right for couples to note down what is expected of their partner in a relationship and what chores they should do while taking care of their family. By so doing, disagreements will be reduced at a higher rate, hence, strengthening the relationship.
The love lab video shows that people are different and the relationships in that case are not the same. Gottman has tried to find a way to reduce divorces in the country by communicating and listening to couples. It is not through scientific research or study that people can solve marriage or relationship issues, but it is through listening and communicating. When couples communicate, then they find stability in their relationship, which is the most important thing in any relationship.
References
Yorio, N (2007). The Dirty Truth about good marriages. Redbook, 209(5), 93.
Wagner, C. G. (1999). Predicting successful marriages. Futurist, 33(6),20.
