The Marius readings for this assignment discuss paragraphs and sentences (see pp. 89-111). Apply two of Marius' ideas, one from each chapter (one on paragraphs and one on sentences), to the essay provided below. In a paragraph that provides coherence for the following questions, answer them for part 1: 1.Find one paragraph error in the essay. Quote the sentence(s) from the essay in which the error occurs. 2. Quote the statement from Marius which applies to the error that you chose in the essay (be sure to give the page number in parentheses). 3.Explain what is wrong with the selected error in your own words, applying Marius' idea in the process. For part 2: repeat questions 1-3, using a sentence from the essay (rather than a paragraph) and the chapter in Marius on sentences. Again, please write a coherent paragraph. (worth 27 points total) Here's the essay:
Searching For More Than What You Call, Bliss
Everyone searches for something that makes them feel “at home,” but feel like they can never attain it. In Linda Hogan’s Memoir, The Woman Who Watches over the World, she tells the stories of her searching for bliss. As Joseph Campbell has discussed in his book, Pathways to Bliss, “It really is your adventure – if it is a journey that is appropriate to your deep spiritual need” (116). In this case, Hogan searches for her need in finding bliss. Throughout her stories, Hogan does not stick to one aspect of her life. She shares many fractions of the different journeys she faces from when she was a young girl, to a fully fledged woman. Never will a journey be an easy thing to accomplish. There will be times where one feels they have already accomplished and received their bliss, but at other times they will have the taste of failure.
In Hogan’s memoir, she tries to find her place in the life she lives, never satisfied with what she has. There are countless of struggles and battles she faces on no account in giving her the right outcome. Her life transforms into something of helping others, receiving bliss, finding hope and so much more. Hogan tries to grasp an understanding of the complicated bliss throughout her long journey and experiences many times of what this “happiness” really is. At a young age, Hogan always dreaded her life. She had no point in living, always “praying each night for death” (42). There was nothing she looked forward to in her future but only the desire for love.
At 12 years of old, she had found herself in a deep relationship with a man twice her age, Robert. He was a man that gave her the warmth, and something she even considered a marriage. The love deprived Hogan, at the age of 12, wanted to have a baby. This was to quench her need, and she “needed something or someone else to love” (42). She was a girl not yet been able to know what true love is. Never having the touch of a mother’s care, all that was in front of her was the taboo relationship she called a marriage as a child. She thought if she could have a child, she can fulfill her empty heart with the desirable affection she searches for. At this point in her life, there were not many options she could choose from. No love, or be loved were her only options even if the adoration she received was not the right option.
Split between the two choices, most human beings would pick warmth over being shunned. At this point in her life, she figured that “love” was the only thing that could satisfy her needs, and even considered it her bliss. As time moved on, things began to change for Hogan while moving to America. On her way there, she could not help but feel at peace on the rocking boat, pushed by the strong waves. She compares her life through water and how it “rushes towards a destiny, a balance, a harmony” (33). At this young age, Hogan has already captured an essence of what bliss really is. She herself has already set a pace that flows like water in an exploration for happiness. Even through the rough moments she had in Germany, water was considered her “safe place,” a place where she could submerge in. On her way to America, Hogan elaborates on the feeling of the sea and how in the boat she had “been water all along” and could rest in [herself]” (38).
Feeling like she is one with water, she found herself on a blissful joy ride with all the turns and rocking from the rolling waves. This is not the overall bliss she still searches for, but she draws closer to this element throughout her journey even in her later years. Hogan realizes this comfort as a piece of her bliss she has always had beside her; the cooling element of water. Hogan gradually begins to realize that on her journey, bliss has always surrounded her. Still, she does not feel the satisfaction in her life. As she grows older, Hogan realizes she still wants to help others and give them fulfilling happiness. Her journey has progressed in making a decision to adopt a couple daughters of her own. They too, had a difficult life as young children; deprived of love and contentment. Hogan wanted to give them the warmth they needed in order to fulfill her own self with the bliss of helping others. They were only children, but their stories revealed them as unbearably broken with “sudden coldness and danger in the world” (72).
Hogan tells the story of the two girls and comes to the realization that people from all over are broken in different ways. Knowing that, she wants to heal the two girls who went through so many hardships. Although she wishes for the better of the two daughters, it becomes a fact that not all people can reach the happiness everyone wishes to achieve. One of her daughters, Marie, never succeeds in leaving her past life, abandoned, raped, and abused. Marie is not able to recover from her past where it becomes “the result of a shattered world” (77). Undoubtedly, this proves that bliss cannot always be reached. Hogan realizes that she cannot make the impossible happen.
The other daughter of Hogan becomes quite the opposite of Marie. Released from her past, she becomes a caring mother of her children. Sometimes people are not able to recover from their wounds no matter how hard they search for some kind of enlightenment of sheer bliss. Without noticing, bliss can be in front of you in no time. For others, it will never be. As Hogan reached the point in her life of children of her own, she realized the hardships and pain of others through her journey. She has achieved more than the selfish acts of bliss one wants for themselves, but has helped others gain happiness through selfless acts, giving her the pure bliss she searched for.
It is true that Hogan did not always make the right choices throughout her long journey. Still, she never gave up in wanting the fulfillment she wished for and continued forward. It came in all sorts of states and emotions: love, death, abuse, healing, crying, and more. As said before, Hogan experiences many pieces of contentment she gained in life. Throughout all the people she has met, Hogan could only evolve and grow in aspects of reaching her happiness. Instead of calling it quits at her young age, she managed to carry herself farther throughout life. Hogan tried searching for more than what you could call, “the limit.” In the end, brought her to the greater feeling of accomplishment achieved in her life by helping others as well. Through it all, she accomplished her journey, understood it, and found her pathway to bliss.
Part 1:
1. Find one paragraph error in the essay. Quote the sentence(s) from the essay in which the error occurs.
Supposedly a Paragraph Error: Split between the two choices, most human beings would pick warmth over being shunned. At this point in her life, she figured that “love” was the only thing that could satisfy her needs, and even considered it her bliss. As time moved on, things began to change for Hogan while moving to America. On her way there, she could not help but feel at peace on the rocking boat, pushed by the strong waves. She compares her life through water and how it “rushes towards a destiny, a balance, a harmony” (33). At this young age, Hogan has already captured an essence of what bliss really is. She herself has already set a pace that flows like water in an exploration for happiness. Even through the rough moments she had in Germany, water was considered her “safe place,” a place where she could submerge in. On her way to America, Hogan elaborates on the feeling of the sea and how in the boat she had “been water all along” and could rest in [herself]” (38).
Quoted Sentence/s: Even through the rough moments she had in Germany, water was considered her “safe place,” a place where she could submerge in. On her way to America, Hogan elaborates on the feeling of the sea and how in the boat she had “been water all along” and could rest in [herself]” (38).
2. Quote the statement from Marius which applies to the error that you chose in the essay (be sure to give the page number in parentheses).
“Sentences repeat something earlier and push forward something new” (Hogan 96).
3. Explain what is wrong with the selected error in your own words, applying Marius' idea in the process.
There is an error in the sentence because there is no specific background information or additional details about the author’s experiences in Germany in connection with her transfer in the United States of America. The author of the essay should have made some explicit connection between her previous experiences with what he meant by “been water all along and could rest in [herself].” The author should consider who her readers are and do not leave some significant details in the essay unturned. Overall quoted sentences above connect with the previous and added new information. However, details that are needed should appear in the essay and leave insignificant details out. I want to comment more on the whole paragraph and not just on the quoted sentences, but the instructions say that I should only apply one of Marius’ idea from the chapter on paragraph for part 1.
For part 2:
Repeat questions 1-3, using a sentence from the essay (rather than a paragraph) and the chapter in Marius on sentences. Again, please write a coherent paragraph. (worth 27 points total)
1. Find one paragraph error in the essay. Quote the sentence(s) from the essay in which the error occurs.
Supposedly One Paragraph Error: It is true that Hogan did not always make the right choices throughout her long journey. Still, she never gave up in wanting the fulfillment she wished for and continued forward. It came in all sorts of states and emotions: love, death, abuse, healing, crying, and more. As said before, Hogan experiences many pieces of contentment she gained in life. Throughout all the people she has met, Hogan could only evolve and grow in aspects of reaching her happiness. Instead of calling it quits at her young age, she managed to carry herself farther throughout life. Hogan tried searching for more than what you could call, “the limit.” In the end, brought her to the greater feeling of accomplishment achieved in her life by helping others as well. Through it all, she accomplished her journey, understood it, and found her pathway to bliss.
Quoted Sentence: “Hogan tried searching for more than what you could call, “the limit.”.
2. Quote the statement from Marius which applies to the error that you chose in the essay (be sure to give the page number in parentheses).
“Somehow as writers we must find the golden mean between a clarity that sounds childish or otherwise monotonous and a complexity that is beyond comprehension” (Hogan 111).
3. Explain what is wrong with the selected error in your own words, applying Marius' idea in the process.
The quoted sentence contains an error because the word “limit” might leave out a minor question or doubt in our readers’ mind as to how we end up concluding or summarizing our work. Although the whole paragraph, where the quoted sentence was culled out, contains sentences that follow logically, the word “limit” is for some readers not readily comprehensible. No previous mention of what this limit was in the whole essay except that it may have been stated implicitly in the introduction or body of the essay. For my part, good writers should not leave their readers “gasping for air” except when writing a suspense story. We should not leave our readers guessing because of the way we end our essay. Remember: A few details (clarity) in the use of a specific word will make our piece an interesting read. (Clarity in the use of words will make any piece an interesting read.)
Work Cited
Marius, Richard. A Writer's Companion. New Jersey: McGraw-Hill College, 1999. Print.
