The article "Close Relationships Sometimes Mask Poor Communication" illustrates the gaps in communication and understanding that are often found when people assume that they are able to communicate better with those close to them. This leads to an overestimation in people's communication skills, where they think they do not have to be as explicit in what they mean simply because they have spent more time with them. This is dubbed the 'closeness-communication bias', and is proved by a study wherein close couples can misinterpret signals couched in vague language (Anonymous, 2011). As a result, we simply do not work as hard to make our meaning clear.
What does this mean? The fact that we don't try as hard with those close to us is part of our estimation (or hope) that these individuals understand us better than would strangers. As we use communication to convey our identity, we like to believe that people are absorbing that and studying it to become aware of the way we move and communicate (Sole, Chapter 3.1). If someone has a quick temperament, they may also be less willing to 'dumb down' their language if it does not get through to the other person.
I have most certainly had problems communicating with someone whom I thought I was close with. Working with my boss of nearly five years at the company I work for, we had disagreements with how a particular project should look and be implemented. These conflicts were seemingly unending, and I could not find the ability to get him to admit there was a problem. He started to believe that my impassioned objection to a project was a personal slight against him, when I simply wanted to express that this was a better idea for him. He simply cut off some communicative ties with me, as I had no real power over him. As a result, my attempts to collaborate with him ended in failure. A collaborative conflict interaction style does not work if the other person is not willing to work with you to find a solution, for whatever reason. Often, it seems as though people need to 'win' an argument instead of finding a mutual solution, especially if they think you are being confrontational. I just wanted to show him I was passionate about making the project perfect.
There are many ways in which I could change my modes of communication to make them clearer. First, I need to make sure to keep communication explicit and clear; using body language or couched metaphors may not be very effective in getting my meaning across, even if I think we have shared these phrases before. Oftentimes, I find myself joking around with close friends, trying to reference an inside joke they may or may not remember. What's more, they may simply expect me to make my feelings clearer; when I am upset, I should just tell them instead of 'acting upset' and hoping that they will pick up that I am mad at them about a specific thing. In the end, it is all about making our communication and our behavior less vague and presumptuous. I should take care to make sure my friends and family know what I mean when I say something, and not presume that they will pick up on it necessarily.
References
Anonymous. (2011 Jan 24). Close relationships sometimes mask poor communication. US News
and World Report. Retrieved from Proquest.
Sole, K. (2011). Making connections: understanding interpersonal communication. Ashford
University.
