Undoubtedly, parenting can be truly rewarding. However, there come times when parenting is challenged, especially when the family structure changes for some reason. It is estimated that more than one million children in Western families have to cope with parental divorce, which in turns affects families to “the levels of behaviour and adjustment problems of children, the parenting styles they perceive and the attachment styles they develop” (Sirvanli-Ozen). It becomes obvious that parenting styles change after a divorce, which affects the child’s cognitive and emotional behavior and development. Moreover, parenting is affected by the parents’ status, emotional, social and financial, the role fathers take on their children’s bringing up and whether ex-partners manage to cope with their negative feelings and move on with their lives.
Being a parent and performing your parental responsibilities is definitely different compared to parenting a child prior a divorce and the parents’ financial status and emotional state, among others, play an important role in it (Wallerstein & Lewis 359). For one thing, mothers tend to be more attached to their children after a divorce, which ultimately changes their relationship with their off springs, one way or another. Of course, there are cases when parents have disparate parenting among siblings after a divorce, which has proven devastating results when the children enter adolescence and end up feeling completely marginalized (Wallerstein and Lewis 360). A parent’s task is also burdened by the need to sort their feelings for the failed marriage, their anger and disappointment and the struggle to keep them away from parenting. If one adds the possible economic difficulties one has to confront, things can get really tough. Unfortunately, some parents never manage to get over their negative feelings, which are finally passed on inside the family and bring stress and negative atmosphere to the children. Others, on the other hand, finally move on with their lives and turn a page, bringing back harmony and happiness to the female-headed household.
Children experience different parenting styles after a divorce that affect their self-esteem and the way they perceive the family structure, which makes the father’s role equally important for the child’s wellbeing and development. Results from studies have revealed that parenting patterns coming from fathers are also different, depending on the father’s involvements in the child’s life after a divorce. Fathers that participated in their children’s upbringing have proven to have better relationships with their off springs and play an important role in career choice later one (Wallerstein & Lewis 366). In the opposite cases, children could not restore their trust in relationship (Wallerstein & Lewis 366). Studies have also shown that children that have experienced their parents’ divorce are more likely to have a poorer mental health compared to children living in families where both parents are together (Lucas, Nicholson and Erbas). Parents seem to fail to identify the importance of both parents being integral part of a child’s life and end up fighting or ignoring one another, letting their children unattended, which in turns are shown with poorer mental health among their peers that live in intact families. (Lucas, Nicholson and Erbas).
Children, especially boys, have behavior problems triggered by their parents’ divorce. Such, happens because depression and conflicts before separation reduce the capacity to parent, which in turns leads to poor child adjustment (Trinder, Kellet & Swift 185). In other words, parenting has started changing before separation, when ex-partners were fighting and had no real time for their parental roles. Of course, this situation leads to children unable to adjust to their new family structure and parenting.
Parenting when parents decide to divorce is definitely challenged. Ex-partners tend to fail on their parental roles when they allow their negative emotions for each other and the situation they are living to block their children’s proper growing up. It has become clear that both parents are needed to balance the family’s “equation”, which in turns will help bring up happy children. Admittedly, parents have a lot to sort out after they divorce and the sooner they are over them, the sooner their child will feel more balanced again.
Works Cited
Bastaits, Kim, Ponnet, Koen, & Mortelmans, Dimitri (2012). “Parenting of divorced fathers and the association with children's self-esteem”. Journal of Youth & Adolescence. Vol. 41 Issue 12, p1643-1656. doi: 10.1007/s10964-012-9783-6. Epub 2012 Jun 28.
Lucas, Nina, Nicholson, Jan M, Erbas, Bircan (2013). “What about Dad? The role of non-resident fathers in child mental health”. Journal of Family Studies. Apr2013, Vol. 19 Issue 1, p53-69. 17p. Article
Sirvanli-Ozen, Dilek (2005). “Impacts of Divorce on the Behavior and Adjustment Problems, Parenting Styles, and Attachment Styles of Children: Literature Review Including Turkish Studies”. Journal of Divorce & Remarriage, Vol 42(3-4). pp. 127-151. Print. US: Haworth Press. < http://psycnet.apa.org/psycinfo/2005-05265-008>
Trinder, Liz Kellet, Joanne & Swift, Louise (2008). “Child & Adolescent Mental Health”. Nov2008, Vol. 13 Issue 4, p181-187. < http://onlinelibrary.wiley.com/doi/10.1111/j.1475-3588.2008.00484.x/pdf>
Wallerstein, Judith, Lewis, Julia M. (2007). “THE UNEXPECTED LEGACY OF DIVORCE: Report of a 25-Year Study”. Psychoanalytic Psychology, Vol 24(3), p.353-370.US: Educational Publishing Foundation 0736-9735/04/$12.00 DOI: 10.1037/0736-973 5.21.3.353 <http://www.fellowshipoftheparks.com/Documents%5CUnexpected_Legacy_of_Divorce.pdf>
