Peer Response: Misconceptions About Gamers Critical Thinking Examples

The essay under discussion here, “Misconceptions about Gamers” is a nicely written piece explaining the basic misconceptions and the misgivings that the society has about the members of the Computer Gaming community.
Following is a review of the essay discussed in a comprehensive manner and to the best understanding of the subject which the essay attempts to describe.
- Does the intro paragraph catch the reader’s attention? Does the writer use any of the techniques we discussed in class? Make at least one specific suggestion that will give the writer a direction or an option for improving the way of the introduction?
- The essay has an easy flow in the beginning slowly preparing the reader for what is to come. It has a distinct approach that puts the idea into the mind of the reader as to what the central topic of discussion in the rest of essay will be. The writer applies an eloquent lose English style of writing that depicts a rich pool of ideas that is about to be revealed onto the reader. However the writer misses the opportunity to directly connect the reader to the exact community of gamers, which in a general sense, leaves the reader wondering as to whom the term is being referred to, for the word “gamer” is not literally a very recognizable word especially when the discussion has not already mentioned the direct activity of computer games. The writer must prepare the reader for this.
- Is there a clear thesis statement in the introduction? If it’s difficult to locate or you think it could use revision, please note and explain the issue.
- The second and the third line of the introduction directly introduce the idea of a social stigma that a gamer has to face and how the essay carries information that can prove all the speculations of the society unfit to a very large extent. However there lies a certain issue, and in sense the issue is that a sharp and clear line that would address the issue at hand is missing. None the less, the writer is still able to impact upon the senses of the reader the central idea of the discussion that is about to follow.
- Does the writer suggest who the audience will be by the end of the intro? Write down who you think will be interested in and informed by this paper.
- Though the writer does not specifically point at a particular group of people, nor does the writer reveals his membership in either of the community, the discussion very much aims at both the gaming as well as the non-gaming groups. The essay aims at breaking the stigma that a gamer faces from the society, as well as describing the non-gaming and would be gamers of the benefits that computer gaming has to offer
- Is the writer’s expository purpose clear by the end of the intro? (Do you have a sense of what the writer will explain in this paper and why it is important/ interesting?) If not, is the purpose clear by the end of the whole paper? Make any suggestions about how the writer could clarify the purpose in the draft.
- The expository purpose of the writer is quite clear from the introduction itself and it does arouse the reader’s curiosity to know what argument the writer has to offer to the reader to prove the central idea of the paper. The writer is direct and crisp in approach to the topic and the introduction offers a fair chance to the reader to understand the argument.
- Does each paragraph have a clear topic sentence? Make note of any paragraph that does not have a clear topic sentence.
- The writer fails to explain how a computer game is actually able to remove the habit of procrastination or slacking (Paragraph 3). The writer argues that repetitive trying makes the gamer resilient. However, repetition has very less relevance when it comes to a person’s habit of procrastination. On the other hand though, it is proved that a gamer is a very determined person
- Does the topic sentence give an overview of everything that will be covered in the paragraph? Make note of any paragraphs that do not do this.
- The topic sentences in all the paragraphs address the point of discussion very clearly and prepare the reader for the arguments that are to follow for or against the topic under scrutiny. The writer does a good job in introducing the dilemma before the argument and reasons that may be able to prove the writer’s argument to be correct.
- Does the topic sentence clearly support and develop the thesis statement? Make note of any paragraphs that do not do this.
- Yes, the topic sentences systematically and fluidly approach all the topics one by one, clearly demarcating the topic of discussion of the writer in that particular paragraph.
- Are there enough specific examples to support the topic sentence? Where could the writer use an additional example? Make suggestions, noting which paragraph you are referring to, and explaining why an additional example might help.
- There are very few specific examples in the essay, except for Alan Buczynski’s Iron Bonding quotation (Paragraph 4) where the writer uses a direct quote of the author mentioned to justify his argument
- Does the writer make the examples as specific and vibrant as possible? Note places where the writer could make an example more specific and lively to illustrate his/her point. Note any words or descriptions that could be more descriptive and specific.
- The writer could make the examples more vibrant than they are. As the examples quoted in Paragraph 3 and 4 can have more specificity and quotations or references that are livelier.
- Can you figure out why the body paragraphs are organized as they are? Is there a reason for their order? Does each paragraph follow logically from the one before?
- The paragraphs follow a logical pattern that the writer wishes to follow, as is enumerated in the Paragraph 1 while the topic is being introduced. The writer follows the same sequence and hence is able to harmonize the idea into the mind of the reader
- Are there transitions in the topic sentences to suggest the organization of the body paragraphs?
- The topic sentences do hint at an organized approach throughout the essay except for the last paragraph where the topic sentence suddenly propounds an idea against the arguments of stereotypic persons, which gives an impression of a hurried conclusion.
- Is this overall organization of the draft effective? How so/Why not?
- Yes, the overall organization of the draft is very much effective, in both boosting the morale of a gamer as well as providing a firm argument towards the social stigmas that gamers have to face.
- Is there a clear organizational pattern to the supporting examples in each body paragraph? (Are they in an order that is reasonable, rather than random?) Make suggestions if organization is unclear, or reorganization is needed.
- The examples, though not specific, are organized in an ordered fashion and support the topic sentence
- Are there transitions between the supporting examples in each body paragraph? If a transition is needed, let the writer know which sentences need transitions between them.
- The transitions are fair, in the texts and though nearly each paragraph has one example, transition is not required.
- Does the conclusion emphasize the thesis? Is the thesis merely restated, or does the writer provide a fresh emphasis that is more engaging than mere repetition?
A. The writer provides a fresh emphasis from a completely different point of view in the conclusion but is able to strike accord with the thesis.
- Does the conclusion summarize the main supporting topics for the reader? Is this an effective summary, or does it sound too repetitive and obvious?
- The conclusion though supports the thesis, it could have been molded and written in a fashion as to allow the flow in of all the facts and arguments the writer provides in the paragraphs preceding it.
- Does the conclusion leave the reader with a strong, fresh impression of the subject’s importance or does it seem to be too much repetition of what was already said?
- The conclusion is able to put a fresh impression of the subject’s importance.
- What do you think is strongest about this essay?
- It narrates how the common belief of how a computer gamer’s general demeanor and attitude towards life is, which is supported by the fat that that the society propounds a notion where it does not find any fruitful outcome in the activity of gaming on a computer. The essay systematically negates most of the beliefs of the society through examples that are ethically applicable in real life, enumerating the virtues that a gamer imbibes by playing games on the computer. The paper is a very motivational one in perspective of a gamer and challenges the stereotypic notions of the society very clearly. It propounds a different point of view for the things and people surrounding us.
- What is the main thing the writer should focus on as he/she revises this essay?
- The writer should focus on using livelier examples. The writer may use references from other works to establish a point. The writer has a very broad and open perspective which makes this paper a good read, but to make the argument sound more realistic, a bit of rework may be done at a few places. Paragraphs 3 and the conclusion can be redrafted and written again in a better way