Organization and Structure
The organization and structure are good on a basic level. The introduction advises the reader what the causes of juvenile delinquency are. Each section of the paper then has a heading that correlates with the four causes of juvenile delinquency, which makes sense. The thesis seems to be factual, not an opinion. The paper then goes on to support the facts stated in the thesis statement. The thesis statement is actually in two sentences. The two sentences could be combined into one sentence to make it easier for readers to follow.
Thesis: The causes of juvenile delinquency can be summarized by four aspects of a child’s life. These aspects are family life, peer life, mental health, and child individuality.
Suggestion for Thesis Statement: The four causes of juvenile delinquency are family life, peer life, mental health, and child individuality.
In the closing paragraph, the two thesis sentences appear exactly as they appeared in the introduction paragraph. Could the thesis have been restated differently just for variety but keeping the meaning?
Usability
The headings in the paper helped the reader to know what to expect in each section. The headings mirrored the causes listed in the thesis statement which was perfect to help the reader.
Paragraphs
Paragraphs are in a logical order, which helps the reader understand the paper. Most paragraphs began with a sentence that helped prepare the reader for what the paragraph was going to say. One good paragraph opener in the paper is:
“While outside factors are a big contributor to the causes of juvenile delinquency, a child’s mental health may also determine the likely hood of them straying down the wrong path.”
Transitions
The paragraphs flow well for the most part. Ideas that are hinted at or ideas that begin in one paragraph are further expanded in the next paragraph. This is a great way to make the paper flow, to link ideas together, and to transition from one paragraph or idea to another paragraph or idea. One good transition example from the paper begins in the paragraph describing the Juvenile Intervention and Prevention Program (JIPP). The last sentence in this paragraph reads:
“The fundamental blocks of the JIPP program concentrate on building self-esteem (resistance), teaching communication and job skills (empowerment), enforcing positive role models (leadership), and educating the parents (counseling). The next paragraph begins with “The first block mentioned was self-esteem” so this is an example of a great transition.
Tone and Style
The tone and style of the paper is professional and appropriate for a research paper. Everything is in third person. No slang is used. The tone is informative and not overly formal. The style is in appropriate APA format except I do not see a References page.
Clarity
Overall, the paper makes sense. The causes of juvenile detention are defined and explained. Some sentences did not make sense or go on to explain themselves further. One example is in the second to last paragraph of the paper. The sentence begins “The number of day suspension has decreased by 50%, and the number of incidents per suspension has decreased by more than 90%.” Readers are not informed what earns a student day suspension. Readers do not know what the definition of incidents per suspension is either.
Originality
The paper appears to be original work and sources are quoted and discussed properly. For example, when discussing negative reinforcement, the quote “Schools that rely on involuntary transfer, suspension, expulsion, and other punitive strategies also tend to have the worst rates of behavior problems” (Sander 291) is followed up by a discussion statement that “This is because not every child responds to negative enforcement positively.”
Sources
No references or works cited page was provided even though sources were referred to in the body of the paper.
Citations
Sources were properly cited using either the author name and year or the author name and date.
Grammar and Punctuation
Some sentences could have used a comma.
Careless Errors
I highlighted where there were typos. I also highlighted where the wrong word was used. I included a text box with the proper word.
References
Angeli, E., Wagner, J., Lawrick, E., Moore, K., Anderson, M., Soderlund, L., Brizee, A., Keck,
R. (2010, December). Reference list: Author/Authors. Retrieved from http://owl.english.purdue.edu/owl/resource/560/06/.
