Peer Reviewer:
Write three critical comments (things the writer can work on to improve the essay) and one positive comment (something the writer does well).
Critical – The flow of the paper is a bit dull and does not keep my interest.
Critical – I cannot connect the thesis with the content.
Critical – Grammatical errors are distracting me from understanding the message that the writer was hoping to deliver.
Positive – I like the choice of subject matter involving the current racial controversies that have run rampant in the United States.
What controversial portrayal is the writer discussing specifically? How does the writer explain how that controversy has affected the portrayal they are discussing/their topic?
The controversial portrayal the writer appears to be discussing is the problem of race relationship in America that have continued to exist since Dr. Martin Luther King Jr.’s movement back in the 60’s. The writer mentions recent shootings of young black men by white officers, as well as the Beyoncé performance to explain the controversy. I am not too clear, but I think that the writer was trying to say that the portrayal of the controversy puts Dr. King in an unfavorable light, even though he has done a lot of great things to unify the racial divide that has existed for so long in America. This is an area of the paper that I felt a bit lost on.
What is the thesis statement or argument for the paper?
The thesis statement for the paper seems to be that black people in America have gathered together numerous times under controversial movements against racial inequality, and despite all the work that has been done, problems continue to exist.
How does the paper use examples to support the thesis? What are some examples?
The paper uses examples of the some essays by Martin Luther King, as well as the number of organized movements and groups that have existed in the fight towards racial equality. The writer mentions the Civil Rights Movement, the Black Panthers, the Beyoncé Super bowl performance, and the shootings of Trayvon Martin and Michael Brown.
What audience is the writer specifically trying to convince? (If they’re using 2nd person instead of defining an audience, offer an audience/group that might fit with their paper/thesis)
It appears that the audience that the writer wished to convince is the professor and students in class or an academic audience. There is also a chance that the paper is directed towards the younger generation of multi-race citizens- white, black, latino, asian, etcMaybe the essay is to convince young people to change their views against one another that may be based on racial divide.
How is the paper written for an academic audience that may have different beliefs/views? Give some examples.
If the paper is to be presented to an academic audience that may have different beliefs/views the writer is able to offer them various arguments as to why African Americans are frustrated with the way society continues to keep them disenfranchised. The examples using Trayvon Martin and Michael Brown’s shootings were a good example of the extreme unjust actions that black people are continuing to face. These examples provide a solid framework for convincing the audience that the controversies of racial inequality are a very real concern.
What are some counterargument examples the writer uses?
Although I was having difficulty accurately analyzing the paper, which appeared to be a bit loosely done without a train of thought that was easy to follow, my assumption for the counter argument presented by the writer is that people do not understand the challenges of the black people based on the things they have seen so far. Evidently the Black Panthers, the Beyoncé performance, and the Black Lives Matter events have driven some people away from the messages of Dr. Martin Luther King. Therefore, these new uprisings are not appealing to certain portions of the population.
Does the writer include paraphrases and/or direct quotes from their secondary sources? Do they analyze source these sources after using them?
Does the writer include paraphrases and/or direct quotes from their primary sources? Do they introduce/contextualize these sources before using them? Do they analyze these sources after using them?
It seems that one quote was used from one of the sources that the writer used, but it appears to be a secondary source, although I am not too clear on this. Unfortunately there was no reference page to see the sources used, nor was there a ways to process whether or not the writer contextualized the source(s) before using them or after using them.
Does the writer use in-text (parenthetical) citations correctly to cite the sources they use? Use the Writer’s Resource to check.
It appears that if this paper is an MLA formatted paper, then the writer has provided an accurate in-text citation of the source that was used.
Does their essay have a works cited page?
No works cited page.
Is the works cited in MLA format? Are the citations correct? (If it’s correct formatting, explain why. If it is incorrect formatting, explain why. Don’t answer only “no” or “I don’t know.”) Use the Writer’s Resource to check this.
There was no works cited page provided in the paper, so I cannot point out what was right or wrong with the formatting style.
Is their MLA format correct (such as heading, page numbers, double spacing, etc.)? Use your Writer’s Resource to check this. (If it is not correct, explain why it is not correct, don’t answer only “no” or “I don’t know”).
The heading for the title appeared to be in MLA format, but there were no page numbers in the top left corner of the paper or a surname. In addition to those things missing, there was no works cited page for the paper.
