The three critical comments (things the writer can work on to improve the essay) and one positive comment (something the writer does well).
Critical comment one - The writer of the article does not have a good flow of thought. When writing an essay, it is important to have a logical flow of thought to introduce a concept. The flow should be in a chronological order instead of patching words up to fill a page. This can be seen from the first page where the writer introduces the concept of entertainment but the follow up and flow of ideas in the sentences and paragraphs do not flow smoothly as expected.
Critical comment two - The writer has poor choice of vocabulary. Evident from the essay the choice of vocabulary of the writer is extremely poor. The writer writes some words like “rough history”, “important tribal value”, and “rarity.” These choices of words really do not add to show that the writer is proficient in the art of writing. Choosing the correct vocabulary is particularly important in ensuring that the message contained in the essay is delivered smoothly to the targeted readers.
Critical comment three - The writer has poor sentence structure. In order to deliver quality and well written essay the writer should have learnt about the subject and the predicate of the sentences. The writer for example joins two sentences using a comma but forgets to include a subordinating conjunction. The writer also includes very long paragraphs. Using short paragraphs can improve on that aspect of writing. Ideally a paragraph should have at least four sentences and a maximum of seven at most.
Positive comment - The writer is able to merge a variety of topics to communicate to the readers’ important aspects of entertainment. The writer has accomplished the art of synthesis to support the original thesis. This particular ability is important in writing as it helps the target audience connect with the topic of discussion. It helps the audience draw similarities to their daily lives and in turn relate to the story being narrated. This helps the reader understand and appreciate the literally work.
How does the essay address the prompt by commenting on American mythmaking/ creating/ preserving folklore?
American folklore is made of folk traditions that have grown and changed over time from the North American region since the 16th century. While the folklore of the American people contains much in the ways of the Native American traditions, it cannot and should not in any way be confused with tribal beliefs of the native communities. The essay captures and comments on that particular aspect when it talks about native dances, the efforts to preserve a monument crafted by Hillaire and also when the issue of lack of literally works that document the American folklore.
What is the thesis statement or argument for the paper?
The thesis statement of the paper is centered on preservation of the American folklore. The essay brings an intimate discussion about the folklore and the various ways it has been preserved or not in the American context. The essay uses various publications to bring this topic home.
How does the paper use examples to support the thesis? What are some examples?
The essay uses various example to explain the thesis statement. Some of the examples used include how Twitter, Facebook and other forms of the digital media have helped erode the American Folklore and substituted it with heinous opinions of bloggers and digital publishers on the websites, the use of films like “Star Wars”, “the terminator” and other to advance the mythological folklore of the American culture.
What audience is the writer specifically trying to convince?
The targeted audience is the American society. The essay is mainly addressed to specifically the American people and any other people who would be interested in the knowledge of American folklore.
How is the paper written for an academic audience that may have different beliefs/views? Give some examples.
The essay is written for an academic audience in that it uses mostly academic research publications to explore the thesis statement. The write includes direct quotations from primary sources and follows up with some analysis of the same.
Does the writer include paraphrases and/or direct quotes from their secondary sources? Do they analyze source these sources after using them?
Does the writer include paraphrases and/or direct quotes from their primary sources? Do they introduce/contextualize these sources before using them? Do they analyze these sources after using them?
Does the writer use in-text (parenthetical) citations correctly to cite the sources they use? Use the Writer’s Resource to check.
The writer does not use in-text citations correctly. Some of the in-text citations are not understood. For example, when the writer cites “(109)”, this can be differentiated where the exact citation is referenced from.
Does their essay have a works cited page?
The essay has a cited work page.
Is the works cited in MLA format? Are the citations correct?
The writer does not use correct MLA formatting, the essay does not have a title does not include a name at the headers and as such the formatting is wrong and the citations are given in two formats APA and MLA which is not correct.
Work Cited
Dorson, Richard M. American Folklore. Chicago: Univ. of Chicago Press, 1959. Print.
