Marriage Contract
Economically, one would expect things to be as fair as possible. Therein, we are both to work if that is possible. It is, of course, an understanding that one may fall ill or become unable to work at some point in time. Should this happen, the other will bear the full brunt of economic hardship in marriage. Ownership of goods such as the home, or any such parcels in the home will be equal, as all things should be in marriage. Unless specifically bought for the other as a gift, or purchased with the intent of ownership, i.e. “this is my television, car, fishing rod, makeup kit, etc.” things should be shared equally. Management of property can be left up to each party, though if one shows a proclivity towards being better at it, that individual should take the lead. This is true also in managing and saving money. Family finances can be difficult and some have a tendency to spend frivolously without thinking about saving; if one partner is better at saving and paying bills before spending on idealistic purchases, that is the partner who should take charge of the finances, and I expect them to head the family finances for most of the marriage. Should we both be of sound financial mind, spending and saving money, credit card usage, and paying bills should not be difficult. Whoever is taking charge of the finances should take charge of the checkbook, though I believe both partners should be informed about the finances, regardless of who is spending money and paying bills. Concerning needs versus wants, needs come before wants and needs are the essentials. For example, the family will need food and shelter, therefore, groceries will need to be purchased and rent will need to be paid. Moreover, electricity, water, and other such utilities will need to come before wants, such as new cell phones, computers, or other such things the family does not need.
Whether or not to have children is a difficult question to answer. It is a long conversation to have at length with a partner. Birth control is a viable option until a final decision is made; it is absolutely unacceptable to bring a child into the world until one is sure of what they are doing, or that they can be financially responsible for another life. Adoption is also a wonderful option, as so many children are without loving homes. Whether to have a child naturally or to adopt are both options I personally would be open to, if in the future I were to even be a parent. Public schooling has become frightening, as it seems you hear of frequent violent occurrences on public campuses. Private school is expensive, but the education would be worth it for a child. These are details that would, once more, need to be discussed prior to the child’s conception or adoption. Personally, I do not feel qualified to home-school a child, but if my partner did, perhaps it would be an option. Concerning caring for a child, this should be a team effort on all fronts. Parents should give equal time when bathing, helping with homework, calling out if a child is sick, reading to them, tucking them in at night, and simply spending time with them. It is not a job that I believe one parent should do everything.
Marriage is a representation of many things. One of those things is marrying your best friend. However, this does not mean that other relationships have to disappear. My partner and I can still have time for friends we had prior to knowing each other, as well as prior to getting married. It is healthy to know people outside of a marriage, and spend time with them. It is also healthy to have separate hobbies, as it gives two people something to talk about at the end of the day. Should one attempt these hobbies and find interest in them that is wonderful but I do not consider it to be the standard, or mandatory. Friends of the opposite sex can be precarious. They can be trouble, but this is often concerning the individual’s motives or the state of the marriage. I believe if the marriage is solid and there is clear communication between my partner and I, friends of the opposite sex are acceptable. Clear communication would allow for my partner to tell me if an individual attempted any behavior that would make me uncomfortable, thus allowing us to discuss whether they should continue being friends with that person, and vice versa. Boundaries would have already been set. Same sex friends can be equally precarious, especially when it comes to going out with friends. Oftentimes we are encouraged by our friends, despite vows to our significant others, to do things we should not do. I feel the same way about this as I do about friends of the opposite sex. With clear communication and a solid marriage, going out with friends should not be an issue.
Getting married is no reason to forego careers we have worked hard to achieve. I would expect us to push one another to work harder toward our goals. While it is understandable that a move may be essential after moving, depending on our prior locations. I expect us to remain as close to both of our occupational locations as possible; however, because marriage is a joining of lives, not an instance wherein one gives up everything to make the other happy. I am, however, sensitive to new opportunities. For instance, if one of us received a promotion or a new job that required moving out of town or to a new state further into our marriage, which would be different. It would be exciting and I would be more open to it because it would mean my partner’s career was flourishing and I would want to help nurture that. Assuming my career was stagnating, it would be an easy decision to make. If my own career was also blossoming, I would hope I was with a company that could transfer me, or attempt to find an equally good job at our new location.
Couples time, even after being married, is important in order to remain close. In order to stay together and remain in love, one must never stop courting their partner. Date nights are important for this. I expect to have at least one a month when possible in order to reconnect as a couple. Work can cause a relationship to become crazy, as can the business of everyday life. It is important to reconnect as often as possible and while I would like more than once a month, I am realistic about the chaos life can bring. Should children be a part of marriage, it may not be something that can happen every month until they are older. Vacations would ideally take place once a year, depending on the amount of stress traveling puts on the family. A few shared hobbies would allow for some reconnection without leaving the house or planning for a date night, which is quite ideal in many situations. I would like to have at least two or three shared hobbies in a marriage in order to continue strengthening my connection with my partner, and also keeping lines of communication open in order to maintain a strong bond in marriage to preserve the best chances possible for marital bliss.
In doing this assignment, I learned many things about myself and what I am looking for in marriage, as well as a partner. I am not aware of how willing I am to compromise, but I am also aware of the things I absolutely need from somebody else to make a marriage work. I will move out of town for my partner should they receive a promotion in a different town or state, but I am unwilling to negotiate on date nights as often as possible. Prior to this assignment, I was unaware I was willing to move for anybody at all. I also did not know I had so many thoughts and opinions about family finances but, as I began to consider the many aspects of running a home from a financial point of view, it is very important. It is perhaps one of the most crucial aspects of running a home and it was easy to realize that the most financially savvy partner should head the household in that regard. However, I did not know I would want both partners informed of all of the finances, regardless of who was paying the bills. I do not know how my future partner will feel about this, especially if they are the one handling the money, but I feel as though it is fair, especially since I noted needs should come before wants, and money should be spent responsibly. The contract gave me many things to think about and I gained insight into what I want in a future with somebody.
