Introduction
The social penetration theory was developed by Dalmas Taylor and Irwin Altman in1973.This theory proposes that when relationships between people develop, communication shifts from moderately shallow, less intimate levels, and finally into more intimate relationships. The process occurs as people continue to disclose themselves and get closer and closer.
The theorist further broke the process of developing a relationship into a number of steps. The first step is known as the orientation stage. During this stage, people try to play safe with simple and small talk. Exploratory affective level is the level where people start to reveal themselves. People begin to express their attitudes concerning moderate and general topics such as politics and sports. However, what is discussed might not be the truth since people still do not want to lay themselves bare. The affective stage is where people start sharing or talking about their private and personal life. At this stage, intimacy starts to develop; but is expressed superficially (Littlejohn 16). The stable stage is the stage where personal things are freely shared and emotional reactions are noticed. Depenetration represents the stage where a relation ship starts to break down. At this stage, costs exceed benefits in the relationship and withdrawal takes place.
Jacqueline and I met six years a go when I was a fresh man .Jacqueline was my course mate and we ended up in the same discussion group. During the first days our conversation and talk was only confined to general talk. Nothing went beyond course work, sports, politics, and fashion. However, with time, we started to notice that we clicked on many issues .Our perceptions and attitudes towards life were somehow similar. We started sharing and discussing more personal and private issues. For example, at times we would discuss about our past relationships and love affairs. During this time, intimacy and feelings were only expresses by simple acts like kissing and holding hands as we walked in the campus. One year a go, we became very intimate. I knew every bit of her. I knew what her preferences were and tastes in life. I was conversant with her emotional reactions at different circumstances. Now, we are drifting far and far away from each other. We graduated six moths a go and we all were employed in different parts of the country. We were miles and miles away from each other. According to the social penetration theory, I would describe this stage as the depenetration stage (Littlejohn 26). We all pursue different things without necessarily having to involve each other. This has created a major gap between us. There is a withdrawal of openness and disclosure. The relationship is at its roughest road and a break up is obvious.
The two theorists developed a mathematical formula for predicting a relationship’s cost and benefits. A healthy relationship is characterized by more benefits than costs. Benefits and costs determine the outcome of a relationship. When costs exceed benefits, then withdrawal and break up is apparent. During the last stage of my relationship with Jacqueline, costs began exceeding benefits. We expect more emotional attention and attachment from each other but this has become very hard since we are pre occupied by other things in life. Now, my job, career, and family members take the first place. She might also be going through what I am going through. The emotional cost of the relationship exceeds the benefits and the out come is obvious-break up.
References
Littlejohn, Stephen W, and Karen A. Foss., Theories of Human Communication, Long Grove, Ill: Waveland Press, 2011. Print.
