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Pain
In this essay, I am going draw upon Harold Kushner’s discussion of how various people respond to pain. In doing so, I am going to contrast two different responses to pain that I have personally experienced.
Harold Kushner, a Jewish Rabbi, made waves when he authored his book, “When Bad things Happen to Good People.” Ultimately, it was Kushner’s goal to consider why bad things happened to seemingly good people, and to question why that happened (Butt, 2015). Kushner was responding to the death of his son, Aaron Zev Kushner, who was “born with a rare disease known as progeria (Butt, 2015).” This disease caused rapid aging and caused Kushner to “rethink everything he had been taught about God and God’s ways (Butt, 2015).” While Kushner discussed sickness specifically, a lot of his theories can also be extrapolated to consider different types of emotional pain as well.
I often wonder why bad things happen to seemingly good people. I am going to use two friends that I have seen go through the exact same situation, and consider how each of them responded.
Recently, two close friends each went through a divorce. The first, a pastor now located in Johnson City, Tennessee, had been with his ex-wife for an incredibly long time. This individual was one that you never thought was going to go through something like a divorce. It was obvious that he was going through an incredible amount of emotional turmoil. However, one of the best things that this individual did was reach out to his closest friends and family members. He found support systems through these people and was able to lean on them during the difficult time. He responded to the pain by seeking friendship, guidance, and assistance. Ultimately, this individual was able to come through the terrible reality of a divorce, move to a different city and start new. Since then, he has found new happiness, purpose, and meaning. I sincerely believe that a large portion of this is attributed to him reaching and dealing with the pain by seeking friendship.
Another friend who recently went through a divorce, however, had the very opposite reaction. While this was also a relationship that few ever saw ending, it also did. What was so incredibly different about this situation, however, was the way in which this other individual handled the divorce. Rather than seeking assistance and companionship from his peers and family, this individual completely withdrew from everyone. Those that were close with him would literally go months without hearing from him. As a result, this individual has not done nearly as well as the first friend did following the divorce. He is still incredibly unhappy, his career is going nowhere, and he is generally not very pleasant to be around.
I think the largest takeaway from learning about this and the examples provided is that pain and terrible things are going to happen to everyone throughout life. I believe that this is simply unavoidable. The key, however, is how each of us respond to that pain and adversity. If we choose to face it, embrace it, and learn from it, we are undoubtedly going to do better than if we run and cower from these issues. The mentality we have when thinking about these things is incredibly important.
In conclusion, I believe that there is always choice in regards to how we deal with pain. Many of the conclusions that Kushner makes I do not necessarily agree with, but I do believe that the question of why bad things happen to good people is one that deserves attention. Many times we can’t explain why some things happen the way they do, and this is absolutely difficult for us process.
References
Butt, K. (2015). The Wrong Way to Deal with the Problem of Pain and Suffering: A Brief
Critique of Harold Kushner’s Answer to Evil.
