In a moody August weather last 2008, certain events that had happened during the past few weeks brought a sad feeling to an otherwise breezy Sunday morning. The lonesome state and fact of not having to go somewhere made the situation even worse. Random thoughts came rushing all at once as I lay upon my bed refusing to get up with the troubles on my head.
At that time, I was asking myself, “Why did I feel so confined and so programmed?” Yet, when I dream about life, my life, I dream about the adventures, the mysteries and the surprises that it can offer, not to mention the prospect of a possible love interest. These were what movies usually say and have, right? But, as certain as I was that these will or might eventually happen, it didn’t seem to be happen right that moment. I was kind of wishing that it did, and it had frustrated me.
The sudden outburst of emotions became the start of a heated and poetic discussion between the heart and the brain about many ironies of life. As a result, I was able to make a poem for all that had caused me much emotional tension during the past days. The composition was named “Around the Corner”.
This was a first and not exactly a primary interest for me. I realized that the brain can process so many things when it is filled with extreme emotions though only happening inside. It was meant to be a poem at first, but seeing as it was hard to make the lines rhyme with each other, as normal poems would, it was decided that a free verse might be advantageous, even if I have not composed any kind of poem then.
It certainly felt right at the beginning. At first read, the poem seemed to be “well-made” and well-constructed as if everything that needed to be said was included. I remember feeling proud about myself in having composed some lines that rhyme and some that just seem to complement each other. Talk about high standards. Of course, I surely did not want to let anybody else look into the poem. It was, as they would say, only for personal consumption. I was satisfied that this piece of writing can remind me of the big adventures I dream of.
Looking back and reading on it again, I came to see that there were many things that had been overlooked on the original piece. Maybe it was the emotions at that time or my lack of experience and fact that it was the first emotional poem that was made. The whole piece, after four years of collecting knowledge and practice, became raw and plain. Call me stubborn, but though I’ve written it in pencil and can easily rewrite it again, I chose not to. It was after all like a historical treasure to me, I reminder of what I was then and what I can do now.
There were errors that might be classified as simple and technical, on relating to the structure of the piece. First and probably the most basic is that it still had some embarrassing spelling errors and sentence-verb agreement such as (written on the original text) “some kind of tail awaits me”, which was supposed to be “some kind of tale awaits me” as in fairy tales, and “a new life fills me”, wherein the verb is a little off and does not really feel right on the sentence. The latter might be the next concern for the poem as it has many words that look like fillers on the poem. There are too much verbs, adjectives and “and’s”. Overall, though it became a complete poem, it was wordy. Also, though the piece was meant to be a free verse and generally may not have a rhyme, a pattern or a certain number of syllables (i.e. meter), some lines on the poem.
Another area of concern, aside from the structure, is the general content of the poem or what the piece is trying to convey. An example of this is the meaning of each verse. When I read it now, I feel confused on what certain lines are trying to say. The first two stanzas alone didn’t feel like it has the smoothness and continuity that should be present on a piece of writing if it is meant to narrate a story. “That I don’t bother a single thing of the way somebody feels about me” seems to express the view of a person towards (and involving) another person. Yet, the next stanza describes not about another person but the personality of the narrator – “who thinks before she acts, who wonders what the future holds”. Also, sentences sometimes appear to be simple and use words that can easily be understood by readers. While poems can sometimes be advantageous when it covers more areas and allows the use of imagination, the way it was written seems boring and generally lacks the grip it must have on audience. This time, I felt that simplicity did not work for what the piece is trying to tell – adventure.
All of these made the text lack the required emotion that must accompany the story. As such, it cannot produce its desired effect to its reader. During the four years that it remained out of sight, because that faithful incident that led to this writing don’t want to be remembered, the texts indeed became more and more distant, which makes it harder to understand now than before. It is as if I was not the one who wrote it because I cannot understand it anymore. In summary, the poem seemed to be weak and very ordinary – there was nothing special about it.
Given the chance that I could and would revise the poem, I might revise it very much. The first would be changing the spelling errors that were mentioned. When looking at it now, I still laugh whenever I read that part regarding the “tail” and wonder why, in so many of my trying to read it again when I was making the poem, I did not notice that mistake. Second would be to try and make the stanzas connect with each other so as to be able to tell the story. It would probably be done by placing some of the stanzas on another part of the poem or by adding a few that may connect to the first. For instance, the second verse may be placed after the part of “Everyone thinks I’m happy” because it tells about the person’s characteristics. In replacement, another stanza might be added next to the first one discussing further about the person’s views towards another person. The last two stanzas would then be the conclusion.
Furthermore, I realized that the words were only included in the poem so that they may somehow rhyme with the previous line. Though it’s a free verse with no same patterns or same syllables in each line, during that time, I really wanted it to rhyme. When things rhyme, they are already considered poems. But this is not true as I see now, it should also be important that the words used must fit the story being told.
At present, I am fighting with myself whether to revise the texts or not. I admit it is really tempting to someone who have learned the aspects of creative writing and improved in diction, although fairly. While the dream is still there, I also feel that revising it is like erasing a part of my “childhood”, which is part of what I am today. I may laugh about it, as well as others, but at least it gives entertainment. Moreover, after four years, I think it still a good reminder that I have many dreams to attain and adventures to do. In the end, I probably would just write another version – more like a 2nd edition to the poem, just to ease the troubled soul in me.
Works Cited
“Approaching Poetry”.Learning Space.The Open University, n.d. Web. 23 November 2012.
Hess, Gary R. “Analyzing Poetry Tips. Poem of Quotes, n.d. Web. 22 November 2012.
