The thesis of the article:
Women need to have the commercials that support them in their natural beauty as fantastic, and yet contradicting in themselves in order to balance the average advertisements that exploit women. The opening of the article caught my attention, and I realized from the first statement that the paper had to do with women, and how they value their beauty. The first paragraph explains how women value their self-image as well as their natural beauty, yet they still need to use make-ups to become more appealing. The statistics provided in the first paragraph about women and how they view themselves indicated that this paper had to compare the personal view against how other people view women. Later in the paper, you used the example that indicated a woman disliked her hair, but people considered her hair as the most attractive part of her body.
While using several examples and researches from different people such as Jean Kilbourne, Jennifer L. Pozner, Macklemore, and Bahadur’s articles, these authors compare different aspects of advertising in relation to women in the society. The examples of Uniliver that owns Dove and its partnership with Slimfast, all work in unison to prove the thesis. Every reader can easily connect the literature to the American culture where women use make-ups to appear more beautiful. You have used proper citation in throughout the paper, and the paraphrasing used is also appealing.
In my recommendations, I think you spent more time in analyzing previous literature instead on focusing on proving the thesis with current information. Additionally, the beginning of the essay was very good and evaluated American women. However, you diverted your focus to literary works that you ignored the subjects of your essay. Instead, you could have given much emphasis on the ads, the companies, and the women’s reactions.
