After birth, most children are raised by two parents, a father and a mother. Both the parents have certain duties to fulfill when raising a child and both of them are expected to uphold their duties. A majority of parents who are raising their children in this modern era face numerous challenges because they do not assume equal responsibility. When one of the parents begins assuming more responsibility than the other, the shifting dynamics of modern life can lead to problems in raising a child. What many parents fail to realize is that when it comes to raising children, they both need to put in an equal amount of effort so that the children are exposed to both parents. Bearing most of weight of raising children can be burdensome for a parent and can have a negative impact on children, so both parents should assume equal responsibility in raising a child.
There always comes a time when either or both parents may imagine a life where they do not have to choose between spending enough time with their children and a meaningful career (Deutsch). A parent may often envision that while they are at work, their children are happy, healthy, safe and being raised in the care of someone who loves them as much as they do. At home, a parent hopes to spend many hours with the children every week to connect with and nurture them. However, a parent also wishes to have enough time for themselves and their favorite hobbies, while not having to do more than half of the housework. Moreover, a parent does not wish to bear all the burden of earning the family’s income. Most people are fully competent to raise a child when they become a parent, but they do not intend to become a manager or understudy to their spouse.
The above was a description of what it is like to assume equal parenting responsibilities in raising a child. This is referred to as sharing parenting responsibilities equally and a growing number of parents practice this. On the contrary to the traditional marriage, in which the father works while the mother, who may or may not have to balance a career, assumes most of the responsibility of doing housework and raising the children. Some people may consider the notion of assuming equal responsibility in raising a child as an extension of feminism, however, it just about what is fair. The sharing of the responsibility of caring for children between parents is about balancing their life, balancing the collective life of their family and equally sharing in the joys of raising children.
When assuming equal responsibility in raising a child, parents not only share equally in child-raising, but also in breadwinning and housework as well (Vachon and Vachon). This way they are able to equally contribute in raising their child and are able to spare an equal amount of time for themselves as well. Of course, parents who have been living the traditional married life cannot just begin sharing parenting responsibilities all of a sudden. Unfortunately, equal sharing of the responsibility of raising children is rarely encouraged and honored in today’s society. However, the honest truth is that for both parents, assuming equal responsibility in raising a child usually means establishing a balance in life, living more simply, and having the utmost respect for their partner.
Although initially, working toward sharing the responsibility of raising a child as well as breadwinning, housework and finding time for themselves may lead to small changes in happiness for both parents. However, when both parents become fully competent in all of these domains (Vachon and Vachon), raising a child becomes more fun, and the other one of the parents can always step in to relieve the other when it starts to feel like a burden. Assuming equal responsibility in raising a child allows both parents to lead life in balance and promotes teamwork between them.
Assuming equal responsibility in raising their children is the decisive point of equally shared parenting. However, it is unfortunate that many couples who have been previously practicing equality are thrown into inequality after the birth of their first child. Sharing the responsibility of raising children equally starts becoming difficult for both parents. No doubt, arriving at equality when it comes to raising children may require a lot of effort, but the rewards of equally shared parenting can be quite great.
Assuming equal responsibility in raising children gives both parents a way to forge deep and equal bonds with their children. Regardless of how big or small childcare issues may be, both parents are able to collaborate on them and are able to spend a similar amount of time with their children this way, whether on their own or collectively. Consequently, both parents are able to gain a better understanding of their children, both emotionally and practically, and both become experts at caring for them. This way, even if one of the parents is absent, the other parent is equally capable and competent to raise the children, rather than being an understudy who needs to be instructed or reminded about what to do.
Unlike a parent who bears more of the weight of raising a child than the other, parents who learn to share parenting regimes encounter less conflict. Within the culture where the responsibility of raising children is not equally shared, contentious attitude may begin to emerge among the parents. This may cause both parents to develop a “me versus you” mentality that may pit them apart, becoming intrinsic to the dynamic between the parents. On the other hand, when parents work together as a team to raise their children, they learn to cooperate and this prevents litigious engagement between the two. When one parent has to bear more weight of raising a child than the other, it exposes them to negative views towards the other parent, and sharing the parenting responsibilities abates such views, improving the relationships held by both parents with the child.
The conflict that arises as a result of bearing more childcare and parenting responsibilities than the other parent can detract a parent from the benefits of collectively raising their children with their partner and spouse. Parents who collectively raise their children and equally share the responsibilities that come with it experience fewer areas of dispute. For parents who are married and living together, developing strong bonds of affection and love with their children becomes easier, especially when they are involved in their daily activities together. This way, the parents are able to experience a strong connection with to their children, and the parenting arrangement begins to feel fulfilling and thus, satisfying. Parent satisfaction not only makes it easier for both the parents to successfully maintain the shared regime of parenting, but also helps the children adjust better with their parents and has a long-term influence on the stability of the family.
When it comes to the children, in comparison to children whose parents do not equally bear the responsibility of raising them, children who are raised by parents who assume equal responsibility are able to adjust better. Children living with and being raised by both parents equally tend to be more adjusted, as far as their behavior, emotions and relationships with both parents are concerned. It can be assumed that this positive influence on children is because they are able to maintain a continuous and equal relationship with both of their parents. It is also arguable that teamwork between parents also reduces stress on children. Overseeing the schedules of their children becomes more manageable for parents when they are both equally involved in the decisions regarding the everyday lives of their children and divide the responsibilities equally. When these routines prove to be successful and stable, this can have a beneficial impact on the children.
When both parents are living under one roof and are collectively contributing their resources to raising their children, this can also prove to be beneficial for the children. Access to and the availability of the financial resources of both the parents also reduces the fiscal stress upon children. The equal academic and social participation of both parents in the lives of their children also proves to be emotionally beneficial for the children. Moreover, when it comes to raising a child, both parents need to be involved with equal emotional stability for accurate child development. According to scholarly literature, equal exposure to both the father and the mother can improve the psychological state of children, which is only possible when the parents are assuming equal responsibility of raising the children.
The established view is that equally shared parenting helps stabilize children. In a family where one parent bears most of the, or at least more responsibility of raising the children than the other, this usually also means that the children are spending more time with that particular parent. Moreover, when the children have minimal exposure to the other parent, they may experience a strong sense of abandonment. Abating the effects of this sense of abandonment is necessary to promote the well being of the children, which can only be possible when both parents frequently and regularly contribute to raising their children, spending an equal amount of time with them. Children who are not equally raised by both parents are usually emotionally disconnected. This can have a negative impact on them and lead them to risqué and risky behaviors, and cause problems (Ablow).
As beneficial and necessary as it may be, equally shared parenting can have its challenges too. One thing that is absolutely required for equally shared parenting is that both parents need to let go of the need to release an equal amount of control of their children to their partner rather than trying to compensate for their partner or trying to playing the role of two parents as one. Equally shared parenting can only work if both parents are able to avoid enforcing their dictatorship and avoid evaluating their peer partner on their parenting skills. When it comes to assuming the equal responsibility of raising children, both parents need to learn to get out of the way so the other parent may step in and vice versa.
Moreover, a great deal of communication between both parents also becomes necessary when they decide to equally share the responsibility of raising their children in order for this parenting regime to succeed ("Planning For Shared Parenting"). Often, both parents have to be aware of the details plans for each day. Both parents also have to be aware of exactly when they will taking on the childcare responsibilities and who has bathed, eaten, napped, and more, during the time their partner was taking care of them. Both parents must also regularly communicate with each other regarding tasks they both need to do that are centered on their children.
Considering the stated burden that a parent may have to bear when bearing most or more of the weight of raising the children than the other parent, and the negative impact it can have on the children, disrupting the stability of the family, it is obvious that both parents should definitely assume equal responsibility in raising children. Overall, both parents have a rightful place in the family once they have children, and raising them together and sharing the responsibilities equally is simply taking this rightful place (Maynard). In fact, when parents work together as a team to raise their children, they earn their place in the family. Since neither of the parents feels the burden of bearing more of the weight of raising the children, both parents remain happy and the children get full involvement from both the parents. Thus, assuming equal responsibility in raising children is beneficial for both the parents and the children.
Works Cited
"Planning For Shared Parenting." Mass.gov. Commonwealth of Massachusetts. Web. 11 May 2013.
Ablow, Keith. "The psychological impact of single parenting." Fox News. FOX News Network, LLC, 22 Jul 2012. Web. 11 May 2013.
Deutsch, Francine M. Halving It All: How Equally Shared Parenting Works. 1st ed. Cambridge, MA: Harvard University Press, 2000. Print.
Maynard, Jeremy. "Shared Parenting is parental equal rights – Other states have it but not NYyet."Examiner.com. Clarity Digital Group LLC, 3 Apr 2013. Web. 11 May 2013.
Vachon, Marc, and Amy Vachon. Equally Shared Parenting: Rewriting the Rules for a New Generation of Parents. Reprint ed. Perigee Trade, 2011. Print.
