This story is entertaining and interesting. The use of dialogue is excellent, but work needs to be done on tightening the story and making it relevant to a central theme.
I enjoyed reading Tale of the Tall Tailed Cat. In particular, I found the dialogue effective; for the most part it moved the story forwards as well as introducing readers to the characters. I particularly liked the protagonist and the way that his relationship with his parents was demonstrated. Furthermore, many people are nervous of writing dialogue, but you are clearly not, which is great. Incidentally, I am assuming the narrator is male, though there are not many clues either way. It might be a good idea to give some information to the reader to make it clear straight away as to whether the protagonist is male or female. Secondly, I liked the scene where the cat was introduced. It was unexpected and I thought the pain experienced by the protagonist was described very well.
There are several areas I think could use some improvement. Firstly, regarding the overall story, more time should be dedicated to the cat scene. I suggest adding more description of the cat when it is introduced and to delay the moment when the cat turns. This will slow down the pace and build more tension. As this is the climax of the story, more time should be taken on it. Furthermore, it would be good if there was more of an obvious link between what happens with the cat and the protagonist’s relationship with his parents. At the moment, the story is a little inconsequential. Basically, something should have changed between the beginning of the story and the end of it. This change can be something as small as a character’s state of mind, or his opinion on something. If a change has taken place, it is not clear to the reader, so this needs some work.
While I really like your use of dialogue, it needs some tightening up. When a character has spoken, it is best to follow the dialogue with a simple “she said.” If you try to use words other than “said” it is distracting to the reader. Additionally, if the content of the dialogue is clear enough then no other word would be needed to demonstrate the way in which the character is speaking. If you go through the story and change these to simple “he said” etc. the story will automatically be strengthened.
Similarly, grammar needs a bit of work in this story. I suggest reading through it very carefully and correcting typos. Reading the work out loud can be a really good way of doing this as it makes you notice what is actually there rather than what you believe is there. Also, be careful of using too many adjectives. The rule with adjectives is to only use ones that are necessary and do not ‘bog down’ the work with too many. For example, on page one, there is the line: “ with my bare frail flat feet.” I suggest changing this to the more simple wording: “with my bare feet.” The other adjectives do not add anything and, in fact, serve to distract the reader from the important words.
Overall, this story is entertaining and gripping to read. Tightening up the language and grammar will improve it dramatically. Furthermore, lengthening the scene with the cat and connecting it to the larger theme will turn this story into a real gem.
