It’s Time
I enjoyed this story for its suspense and the sense of the unknown. I particularly liked your use of first person narrative in the present tense. This choice enables readers to become as close as possible to the protagonist and to witness events as they happen in real time.
I think you could do with putting in some elements of physical description into the characters. At the end of the story, I still had no idea what anyone’s face looked like. I think this is important in a story, like this one, where sympathy for the characters is vital. You wouldn’t have to write too much – just one or two details per character. This will enable the reader to have an even clearer image in their head of what is going on in the story.
I enjoyed the details about the kidnapping and about the murder itself. However, I think it might help to actually give away why this man is being killed. It is not clear, really, as all the reader gets as clues is the questions the man is answering. He does not get answers from the kidnappers, and I think it would help if he did. What might work especially well is if the reason for his kidnap is that he has actually done something bad to them, rather than it just being a mistake. Or, if it is a mistake, make that obvious so that readers can sympathise even more deeply with him.
Overall, I think this is a good story with some great drama. Improvements can be made to strengthen it even more, but it is off to a good start.
Curse or Blessing
I like the concept of this story, that history essentially repeats itself but with the protagonist on the other side of the fence. There are a few elements that I think could do with improvements.
The structure that you have chosen is a tricky one. You have started in the present and then had a flashback, and then reverted back to the present again. This is a very common technique, but not one that works well. Wherever possible, it is infinitely better to start at the beginning of the story and work forwards, chronologically. In this instance, you would start when Alex is seeing the first woman, and work forwards, rather than flashing forwards and backwards.
I like the dialogue you have used for the plane scene. However, I don’t feel that you use dialogue enough. For example, the scene with Alex and his first girlfriend when he finds her in the other man’s room would work well with dialogue and action, rather than just reporting on the events. At the moment, it reads like an anecdote rather than a dramatic scene.
The first girlfriend is described as the woman and the girl etc., but I think it would be better to refer to her by name. Also give a few details of her physical appearance and her mannerisms. Perhaps even what the two of them are studying at university; this is all relevant in allowing readers to get to know the characters on a deeper level. Any little snippets of information can tell readers a great deal.
Overall, I like the idea behind this story, and I like its characters. Rethinking a few details regarding structure and style would strengthen the piece no end.
