Suicide note is a poem written by Janice Mirikitani. This poem reflects on the life of a young Asian American college student who later committed suicide by jumping through the dormitory window to end her suffering. The teenager left a suicide note written in poem form with her last words, thoughts and feelings at the time she committed suicide. The poem explains to the reader what triggered the girl to end her life and all the sufferings she had been through with her parents. The college girl was so desperate and tired of her parents’ criticizing her and she could no longer deal with it especially with the thought that she was not good enough. Her main option to get rid of her misfortunes was to commit suicide.
Thesis
The suicide note is a symbolic expression of the writer’s perception of her life and her decision towards committing suicide. The writer uses ice, pine and birds as symbolism to explain her life and the decision she made. The poet also depicts the lack of options she had before deciding to commit suicide; she symbolically compares the choices she had to shaved ice.
Analysis of the Poem
This poem can be considered to have been of the free verse form. The poem is considered to be a free verse form due to a number of reasons presented in the poem. From the general overview, the poem is considered to follow no given set of rules. The poem seems to flow as it deems appropriate. While the poem portrays the picture of a person committing suicide, it is not stated in narrative manner. The poem is divided into verses and can be considered as being relatively shorter but no longer as narrative poems could be expected. The writer of the poem had little interest in beautifying the poem over the page. This indicates lack of a given structure of layout of the poem on the whole page. The poem is generally irregular in structure.
The content of the poem is based on symbolisms that denote regret, disappointment, seeking forgiveness and complains. For instance, the writer uses religious symbolism to articulate her actions in giving up her body to the dead; I make this ledge my altar to offer my penance (448). In the content of the poem the writer also metaphorically describes her cause to suicide as the action of the snow to wings. This indicated that she could not handle the weight of the snow that was on her wings which in this case it’s her life.
Dramatic situation
When she says, ‘If only I were a son’ in this indicative, the speaker wishes that she was a son instead of being a daughter to her parents. He compares the reaction of her parents if she was a boy to the reaction she gets for being a girl. She symbolically compares the strength of being a boy to the strength of currents in the bed of winds; virile and confidence (448).
One gets to deduce that the tone of the poem is a melancholy. The speaker is evidently at the brink of depression and extreme sadness. This is compounded by her failed effort to impress her parents and meet her expectations. In her attempt of trying she had ‘worked hard’ that she can’t count ‘how many notes written ink smeared like bird prints in snow.’ But despite all these the answer would always be ‘not good enough not smart enough.’ She also uses a simile to compare her strength to that of a sparrow while flying on a windy icy day. In this case, the icy windy day symbolically portrays the negative influences in her life. Additionally, she symbolically compares her failures to a glacier and disapproval a boot print; ‘each failure a glacier, each disapproval, a footprint (448).
Poem situation
The speaker left the suicide note to her parents to justify her actions. From the poem, it is clear that she is standing at the edge of the window waiting to jump from the window. This is indicated when she states that ‘I make this ledge my altar to offer penance’ (448). This indicates a resolved mind on suicide. To justify her deeds, she metaphorically compares her life to a sparrow flying on a snowing day. She also compares her strength to that of the sparrow flying through the snow; sillied and dizzied by the wind on the edge.
The writer also expresses the disappointments of her parents towards her as a reason for committing suicide. She symbolically compares herself to a sturdy pine which is not strong enough to handle disappointments. However, if she was a boy she symbolically compares herself to the ‘sunset threading through pine’ (448).
She also portrays her action as a sacrifice. Sacrifices symbolically denote an innocent act to offer satisfaction to a certain person. In this case the sacrifice will be offered to her since she feels she cannot handle the situation in her life. She metaphorically compares her bones to bird bones, fragile and weak; ‘they will bury my bird bones’ (448).
The writer also highlights that she does not have alternatives other that suicide to handle her current situation. She uses the metaphor of shaved ice to denote the lack of alternatives; ‘choices thin as shaved ice’ (448).
Analysis of poetic devices
The poem can be considered to be highly irregular. The stanzas used in the poem do not follow any particular order. This rule applies also for the sentences. Some sentences are longer while others are shorter with respect to the adjacent sentences or whole poem. In order to bring out the general melancholy tone of the poem, the speaker uses a slow rhythm to relay the message. The slow rhythm indicates thoughtfulness of the speaker as she jots down the note.
The poem should be observed to contain no rhyming words. Despite this, it contains repeating words at the end of the stanza ‘not good enough.’ These words should be considered to have been used to emphasize on the emotional aspect of the poem and the pushing factor for the suicide that is to take place.
Figurative languages are widely distributed in this poem. Chief among these is the extensive use of imagery to bring out the sense of sight from the speaker’s perspective. The statement ‘of my wide, male hands worthy of work and comfort’ brings out the sense of sight on her desire if she was a son to her parents. This imagery is a clear indicator of her view of men and her expectations of them. Imagery is also presented when she analyzes the weather and indicates that it seems not suited for a ‘sparrow’ like her to ‘fly.’ He considers her jumping off the ledge as flying like a sparrow and brings about a clear image of the weather as being snowy.
Similes are used exhaustively by the speaker in comparing certain aspects of her life and her situation. She compares her tears dropping like bitter cloth. This indicates how much pain she feels from inside considering her failure to impress her parents. When she looks over her hard work she states that ‘notes shredded drift like snow on my broken body.’ Here she indicates that all she had tried to note seem to be drifting over her eyes torn in smaller pieces like snow.
When the speaker writes that she considers herself as jumping over the ledge, she metaphorically indicates this as a sacrifice. The speaker regards her jumping over as a sacrificial moment in which she offers herself for redemption. She considers the edge as an altar where she punishes herself for all the disappointment she has caused her parents.
Questions
When regarding the general picture portrayed in this poem, the hanging question can be directed on the self-awareness of the speaker on the basis of education. Did the speaker have knowledge that education is a personal aspect in which one strives for him or herself? This question should indicate whether the outcome of the education or performance was for the benefit of the parents or the speaker. Secondly, did the speaker reach the pinnacle of education and analyze her previous performances to generally conclude that she has completely failed? While considering the poem, the arising question is whether education is to be considered as a determining factor of a person’s perfection or success.
Personal reaction
Considering this poem, the reaction emerging is directed to the speaker of the poem. The speaker of the poem, despite having studied to college, seems to be still tied down with closed ideology of pleasing her parents with aspects that are generally meant to please her. Her continuous blindness on the important aspect of life and basing them on simple failure or success in education has driven her beyond the point of return. She states ‘how many notes written so I have worked hard, not good enough’ to indicate that she has continuously worked hard simply to await the response of her parents whether it is good enough. This is so despite her clear awareness of the efforts she has put into her education.
Works cited
Kirszner, Laurie, G. and Mandell, Stephen. Portable Literature: Reading, Reacting, Writing.
New York: Cengage, 2012. Print.
