Alternate Ending (Grafting a new version of the ending)
Jim drew a package from his overcoat pocket and threw it upon the table.
"Don't make any mistake, Dell," he said, "about me. How dare you cut of one of the most precious things about my life?"
White fingers and nimble tore at the string and paper. A painful wail as she saw what was in the package. How painfully wrong she had been.
For there lay The Combs--the set of combs, side and back, that Della had worshipped long in a Broadway window. Beautiful combs, pure tortoise shell, with jewelled rims--just the shade to wear in the beautiful vanished hair. They were expensive combs, she knew, and her heart had simply craved and yearned over them without the least hope of possession. And now, they were hers, but the tresses that should have adorned the coveted adornments were gone.
The look in Jim’s eyes was as if he were hearing of Della’s death. She no longer was the Della he loved, the one whose hair was one of his favorite things in life.
Despite the fact that she loved the combs, she knew things were no longer ok. If only he had told her, once, just once about how much he loved her hair. But she hugged them to her bosom, and at length she was able to look up with dim eyes and a smile and say: "My hair grows so fast, Jim!"
And them Della leaped up like a little singed cat and cried, "Oh no, please, please don’t” ; as Jim turned around to walk out the front door.
Jim had not yet seen his beautiful present and Della would not get the chance to show him as he slowly stepped out the door.
Della ran after him and grabbed him by the shoulders and said, "You musn’t leave like this, please I beg you to come in and see your gift and understand that my hair will grow back."
Instead of obeying, Jim stumbled down the stairs and left the building.
Dell stood there speechless with tears welling up in her eyes. If only it was the magi who had brought the presents and not the angels of death.
The magi, as you know, were wise men--wonderfully wise men--who brought gifts to the Babe in the manger. They invented the art of giving Christmas presents. However, on occasion it was the angels of death who interfered and mesmerized the people to select the wrong gifts, which resulted in a sad and tragic ending.
Analysis and Critique
In the original ending the ending begins as Della steps out to ask the Mrs. Sofronie about how much she could get paid for selling her hair. The irony of this story is all about the sacrifice she makes of the one thing he loves so dearly, but it was made for her to show him how much she loved him. It seems the author made quite a drastic decision in having Della cut off her hair, why could it not have been a piece of important jewelry like a wedding ring? It seems as though this was a highly exaggerated decision to add to the writing.
As the story continues and she makes the purchase of the watch for Jim, the story tends to feel rather uneventful. The transition from the jewelry store to his arrival back home is not exciting in the least bit. For all the drama the hair cut was establishing, the remaining portions of the story seemed to be a bit drab. Even Jim’s response was rather mild and boring. It would have been nice to see a bit more tension and a display of emotion by both Della and Jim about the bad decision she made in cutting off her hair.
Overall, the story and how it ends was not as exciting as I thought it would be when the story begins. The author seemed to do an excellent job of mysteriously creating a climax; however it fails to deliver the impact as the story comes to a close.
When I selected the ending I selected, it was to keep the excitement of the very dramatic choice Della makes continue. Rather than it going as it does in the original story, I created a shocking response by Jim that no one would have expected. Instead of ending it with an open ended hopeless feeling, I thought it would be better to create an unexpected end.
It would have been more shocking to have Jim respond the way he does in the alternate ending. The reader’s reaction would be more in line with the dramatic beginning. The scene after he sees Della being tumultuous seems a better fit than the original ending. Della’s reaction as Jim leaves is much more impressionable with the alternate ending I selected. At least from my perspective this was what seemed most appropriate based on what I felt was missing from the original ending.
What I gathered from the author’s writing style is that he has a very serious tone as he writes, but brings with his stories dramatic ideas like the one he creates in Della’s decision to cut her hair off and sell it for money. I did my best to keep that serious tone throughout the portions I grafted. The author seems to have a sort of dismissiveness that one can sense while reading the story, which I did my best to mimic. Even as the story climaxes it is difficult to know in the original version when that even happens. When I re-wrote the end I decided to create a climax when Jim finally sees Della with her haircut.
He seems to keep a formality in the style of his writing that makes it difficult to sense any emotion. That was a big part of the feeling I had in the dull sense I got from his version of the ending.
What I liked about his writing style was the way the words and sentences flowed. The length of sentences varied and was easy to follow. There were never points in the reading process where I felt lost. Keeping up with the events in the story was quite easy because of this. I also enjoyed the somewhat conversational feel he had to the way the story is told. It almost feels as if you are sitting and listening to a friend talk about something that happened to him or her. I think this was a creative way to keep the attention of the reader.
If the author had decided to end it a bit differently, then I think that it would have been a very satisfying short story to enjoy. Unfortunately, I must still say that I was a bit dissatisfied and bored with the original ending and would have like to see more drama like my rewritten version had. I think that the use of the “magi” that is entirely separate yet close to the theme of the story was a wonderful way to select the title. This is one my favorite parts about what the author did. I like that I only notice the word “magi” one time within the actual story and not again till the very end where the “magi” are explained.
In conclusion, this was a short and simple read that was written with some interesting techniques. Rewriting the stories end was very helpful in learning to discern the nuances of an author’s writing style.
