Divorce is common in most advanced countries around the world. And in most cases, when there is a divorce, children are caught in various disadvantages and challenges that come with the break up. The purpose of this paper is to critically analyze and review the advantages and disadvantages of divorce on children.
Many people believe that the most ideal home within which a child can grow is one in which there are two parents – a father and a mother. However, there have been several studies that have shown that divorce has certain advantages. Evidence show that in most marriages that end up in divorces are often negative and there is so much conflict and negativity surrounding the relationship. This is because there are two completely dissatisfied people in the marriage and in most situations, they are unable to cooperate and they often use their energy in destructive conflicts. This causes major upset and sometimes creates major problems and issues for the children. The children go through a lot of stress looking at their screaming parents go through a lot. Rye et al posit that children sense the negativity of every encounter their parents are going through and as such, in a period of a bad relationship, it might be better off for the couple to break up in order to give the children time to reflect and accept the realities of the situation around them (236).
Secondly, divorce brings peace to both couples and enable them to create space and have a decent and a positive life for themselves. This means that they all stay away from their failing relationship and they start new lives that allow them to achieve the best of their potentials and as such, the children a likely to be happier and better off in the presence of such parents. This way there is a chance for each parent to have a turn with the child and with the child seeing the parent happy and successful, they are able to interact well and have the best of time with each other. This promotes a healthier development of the child and enables the children to grow.
Evidence also suggests that most women are able to develop themselves better when they get divorced. Most ladies are willing and able to learn new things and start new experiences that leads to better processes and better career progressions. This means that the mothers are happier and in the process, they are able to get the children to have a higher quality of life in the long-run. This also goes to prepare a happier and a healthier lifestyle for these children and in the future, they are more likely than not to have a better future. This is because where parents are more educated and more prepared for the job markets, they are able to finance their activities in a better way. Thus, unlike a mother trying to please a husband with her energies, the mother is able to have a better and a more enlightened life. The mother is able to get a better use of her energy and in most cases, get a more appropriate lifestyle than they would have had when they were single and were living with their spouses.
Another controversial point is that most marriages are difficult to keep together this day and in line with that, it is almost certain that the world is not going to change and the spate of divorces will continue. This is a position of realism whereby it is stated that divorces are going to be part of society just like slavery ended with abolishing and outsourcing became common after the era of Reagan and Margaret Thatcher, the promotion of women’s rights will lead to more divorces and it will become an acceptable part of society. Therefore, it is natural to state that when parents grow up in a properly managed divorce, they are able to learn respect and about the new family system which has become the norm rather than the exception. Therefore, through this, divorce is a good thing and grows in society.
On the other hand, there are many complications and negativity that comes with divorce. This is because divorce creates an abnormal and unacceptable system of life of children. As stated in numerous forms of research, children do better and flourish more in settings where they are able to have their father and mother together. Therefore, in a setting where there is a divorce, children are most likely to have a negative developmental process.
Studies show that the father of children has an essential and a natural tendency towards acting as the disciplinarian and in most situations, where there is disorder, it is the father who has to demand change. In line with this, when there is a divorce, a child is most likely to lose a father figure because most fathers lose custody. Thus, children are most likely to grow up without discipline and they are statistically more likely to disobey and override the instructions of their mothers and become problematic. Mothers are most likely to involve fathers when there is a major problem and at that time, there is a challenge and it is more difficult for the father to intervene.
There is also a risk that a child who grew in a divorced home is likely to be estranged and have difficulties in relating to one or both parents. This is because the child loses the kind of friendship and connection that is necessary to have a healthy and reasonable relationship with both parents. This is because both parents need to be together to experience the child appropriately and socialize the child well. However, in divorce, there is tension between the children and both parents. And when they get together, it is not possible for them to interact and build the kinds of bonds children of proper relationships can get together within.
Children from divorced families go through major problems and challenges with their own development because they get to experience a lot of trauma and psychological stress. Beginning from the early stages of the divorce, children are most likely to see so much fighting and strife and insults that will traumatize them for the rest of their lives. This includes major screaming and violence and problems which could scar the child. The entire process leads to major psychological damages that are problematic and prevents the child from having a balanced life. In most cases, children tend to feel they are responsible for the problem and stress of their parents, this is because they tend to have a feeling that their parents are suffering because of them and they feel their parents are not going to be so stressed out if they were not around. This makes the children go through major problems that forces them to think they are unwanted and they tend to get psychological problems and challenges. The problem leads to psychological scars that have long-term effects on their lives.
Divorces lead to broken homes which are a recipe for social problems. This is because there are challenges which relate to the society and the community and these children. This is because no single parent can really control the social development of children. Hence, in cases whereby the divorce occurs, children are opened to vulnerability and this causes major problems and issues.
There is also a problem with children in trying to develop and gain acceptance into the new families of their parents. This is because in most cases, parents of children in a divorced home try to move on and set up new families of their own. This includes marrying and dating other partners. The presence of children from other marriages causes a strain on the relationship and this in turn causes more stress for children with long-term implications. Where the parents are in new families and in new homes, their children come in and interrupt and due to the problems and challenges of welcoming another person’s child in a home provides major challenges and problems the children in their quest to develop. This make children feel further unwanted. In the long-run, the children grow up to have problems and challenges knowing the kind of circumstances and feelings they went through as they grew up.
Children from broken homes do not get the kind of assistance they need in their school work and education. This is because economically, most parents grow up hating children from broken relationships and tend to treat the children as a necessary evil. The parents therefore treat children like a normal tax returns and they feel they will not have to spend more than they need to. Thus, they argue on the basis to cut down on spending and usually, fathers find ways of economizing. This has two impacts. First of all, it causes mothers to spend more on their children and therefore increase their stress. Secondly, the mothers might have to settle for a lower quality education and opportunities for the children. This leads to lower quality of life.
Finally, divorce also leads to some negative tendencies in children like growing some negative lifestyles including jealousy and negativity. This is because many children, particularly girls always want the new relationships their parents enter to collapse so their parents can get back together. Therefore, through this, the children are most likely to grow up with negative habits that they carry on to their adult years.
In conclusion, divorce has some advantages on the development and growth of children as well as some disadvantages. In terms of advantages, children grow up in a relatively more peaceful setting and they have a better lifestyle in a settled environment. Divorces sometimes causes women to improve their personal development and they get richer. On the other hand, divorce leads to abnormal development of children. There is a loss of discipline usually needed from fathers. Divorce leads to psychological stress and due to the fact that parents lose social control, children are likely to have a troubled adulthood. There are challenges integrating into the complex families created after divorces and there are economic challenges that causes parents to be stressed. Finally, divorces lead to bad habits relating to the hope to destroy new relationships of their parents. This leads to negative habits that are taken into adulthood.
Works Cited
Emery, Robert. Cultural Sociology of Divorce: An Encyclopedia. Thousand Oakes, CA: SAGE Publication, 2015. Print.
Howe III, William and Elizabeth Potter Scully. "Redesigning the Family Law System to Promote Healthy Families." Family Court Review 53 (3) (2015): 361-370. Web.
McLanahan, Sara, Laura Tach and Daniel Schneider. "The Causal Effects of Father Absence." Annual Review of Sociology (2013): 399-427. Web.
Nowinski, Joseph. The Divorced Child: Strengthening Your Family through the First Three Years. New York: Macmillan, 2011. Print.
Rye, Mark, et al. "Evaluation of an Intervention Designed to Help Divorced Parents Forgive Their Ex-Spouse." Journal of Divorce and Marriage 53(3) (2012): 231-245. Print.
