We face with problems in conversation every day. Either we serve wrongly the information, or other person is not able to decode it correctly. Recently, by facing with the problem of communication, I have concluded that the quality of the communication process depends in many ways on understanding the specifics of communication, and especially an understanding of the impact of relational environment. These two principles are inseparable. The result of the communication process depends on understanding the specifics of interpersonal communications. As proof, here is an example from my own experience.
The situation occurred when I was in the 9th grade, while my younger sister was going to the 8th grade. That year, appeared a new student in her class, a girl who moved with her parents to our town. I knew all my sister’s friends, as she often invited them to our home, but I haven’t noticed before this Muslim girl. The first time I saw her was when she came home with my sister. She was dressed in a weird way, but, nevertheless, it suited her. It was quite hot, my sister was wearing a T-shirt and shorts, while the girl was wrapped up from head to toe, she wore a long skirt, a blouse with long sleeves and a scarf that covered her hair. I come over to say hello, embraced my sister and wanted to shake girl’s hands in greeting , to which she responded by ignoring. Then played a joke about her clothes and a scarf, but she did not react. The next time I met her at our house. I had to give my sister some money, so I went to her room. My sister had just gone to the restroom, and when the girl saw me she began to scream and pushed me out of the room. She was beautiful, I liked her, but I could not make out what was the problem and why she was reacting so strange to me. At school, I decided to find her and apologize for what happened, but as soon as I approached her and spoke to her, she lowered her eyes and silently walked away. The next time I met her in the school cafeteria, she was sitting alone, so I sat down next to her. When I did, she moved over to another table. I followed her, but she did not stop, then I grabbed her arm, she screamed and pushed me away. I told her that I like her, and I would like to ask her out on a date, but she turned me down, saying that it was impossible. Later, I found out that this girl was from a very strict devout Muslim family. After the death of her father, her family moved to live with her uncle.
All my attempts to make contact was a failure, because I did not consider relational environment. After analyzing my behavior, now I understand where I made a mistake. First of all, I didn’t take into account the cultural specificities of the country of the girl and religious backgrounds of her faith. The first time I saw her, I made a joke about her clothes, not knowing that their faith command the Muslim women to cover their bodies and hair up. I had offended by scoffing at her customs, without even realizing it. I wanted to shake hands, not knowing that their culture did not allow women to communicate with a man, furthermore, to touch him. The next time I made a mistake was while entering my sister’s room. In Muslim culture, is unaccepted for women to remain alone with a strange man, especially when her head is not covered (when I came in, the girl was without a headscarf). When I met her at the school to apologize, I stared at her, and then there was an eye contact, but she looked away. I violated the customary foundations of this girl, by showing myself as a rough man, as it was forbidden for strangers to have an eye contact or stare at women. When I sat down beside her in the cafeteria, I was very close to her, within 18 inches, so I invaded her intimate space, without realizing that this pushed the girl away. Then, when I went to her and grabbed her arm, so there was a tactile contact, which further aggravated the situation. Not only Muslim culture, but other cultures do not allow a strange man to touch a woman or girl. When I asked this girl out on a date, I did not realize that in their culture does not exist such thing, so I have not correctly interpreted its refusal.
After analyzing all this, we can draw the following conclusions. Information (encoded), which I was trying to convey was wrongly interpreted. The reason was that I did not take into account the history of sexual, cultural, religious and personal characteristics of the individual of this girl. My good attitude and intentions, found no response, because they were taken for bad intentions and ill-treatment. The channel through which I passed my information did not match the one that used the girl to decode it. Therefore, my joke at the beginning, she took for the offense and rudeness. In my conversation with the girl there were two noises: physiological (for the second time, when I talked to her, she had a severe headache) and psychological (the girl experienced the death of his father and moving to a new place). Because of a strong shock, her father’s death and moving, she could not assimilate to a new town, the state of her health deteriorated and she had constant migraine so she became more irritable, which I also did not realize by simply not knowing this information. While communicating with the girl, I have been guided by my own principles, which allowed me: to invade the private space of the unfamiliar people, to have a long eye and tactile contact. All of these items are contrary to the generally accepted ways of communication in the community of this girl. Muslim women are prohibited from all sorts of visual and tactile contact with unfamiliar men (sometimes even with familiar), they should always guard a personal space. Moreover, the Muslim woman should not be left alone with a man, it is considered unacceptable. (Boundless, 2016).
This example served as a good lesson for me. Now, when I meet someone and want to know a person better, I consider all the features of his personality. At present, I have many Muslim friends, and friends of other religions, who taught me the customs of communication of their culture, and I share with them my culture legacy. I respect people’s beliefs, even if they are alien to me and try better to figure out a person, for our communication become enjoyable for both sides.
References
Boundless (2016). “Noise as a Barrier to Communication”. Boundless.com. Retrieved 21 February from https://www.boundless.com/management/textbooks/boundless-management-textbook/communication-11/barriers-to-effective-communication-84/noise-as-a-barrier-to-communication-405-1507/
