All over the world there are no two absolutely identical cultures. If the culture of Middle East allows the parents to give their daughters in marriages for an advantageous alliance for family’s business, the American society used to marry mostly for the reasons of the purest and eternal love. However, the statistic says that the percentage of the divorces has raised in five times in last fifty years. Something makes people doubt their eternal love and destroy the strongest feelings. And the main problem an American society faced is the right determination for the word “something”. This “something” is not one problem or issue, but the collective term, the whole complex of the processes the American families is experienced. And according to the plurality of the opinions, the main divorce-destroying factors need to be discussed.
First of all, the main cause of mass divorce problems is changing of the way a society thinks nowadays. The views have changed – things that were important 50 years ago mean nothing today. The values have become different – plenty of people prefer succeed in career rather than in relationships with their close people. Finally, the significance of the marriage has decreased – nowadays many people view marriage more like just compulsory union. Oddly enough, it was the women, who mainly made the society think differently. From the moment when the whole feminism movement emerged, women have committed themselves to double responsibility and work. “Most husbands still view child care and household chores as women’s work, even when those women are working full time. Stressed and restful, the majority of women nonetheless continue to work, many out of financial necessity” (Bennetts). As a result, women start being constantly angry because they are tired of working, housekeeping and being mothers. They, usually, expect husbands’ help and support, but males are too convinced these affairs only for females. The misunderstanding of the inequity issues and the segregation of duties lead to frequent quarrels between spouses.
In this case, why do women continue to get married instead of making successful career? The answer partly lies in the story of Debora Tannen: “My mother wanted for me the gifts of an ordinary life – a husband, children, a comfortable home. What I wanted was anything but. As a teenager, I whispered “Please God, don’t let me be ordinary.” This girl got married and then divorced. Later she understands, why it was important to her mother to give the daughter marry: “In her world, marriage ensured a woman’s financial stability. And an unmarried woman had to achieve this goal by going to work” (Tannen). Her mother was born in 1911 in Russia – in the country with cardinally different culture, moreover, she was the representative of the different generation, with more strict rules and faithful beliefs. In this case mother tried to impose her opinion, because she believed in the goodness of her intentions. Unfortunately, it ended with the divorce.
Since women have assumed a lot of responsibilities, their excessive emotionality became their enemy: “My wife gets tired. She gets frustrated. She gets angry. And she seems to want to take it out on me. Then logic starts moving backward in an ugly zigzag pattern” (Bartel). Sooner or later husband gets tired of the wife’s permanent cries, therefore the divorce is going to happen. The other way for men to avoid the stress is to find the solace in another woman, and this means cheating, that leads to divorce in turn.
Speaking about spouses’ sexual life, the importance of this issue should not be underestimated. In the modern society, it has become fashionable to popularize sex. Because of countless articles in men’s and women’s magazines about sex and a great number of TV talk-shows, the theme of sexual relationships between man and woman is not especially intimate anymore. The media do not afraid to speak about sex loudly anymore. It follows that nowadays everyone is free to speak about his sex life and to choose the sex partner very carefully; in case the partner is not appropriate, he can be easily replaced by another one. Of course, it guarantees the freedom of choice, but the number of cheating is increasing as well as the number of divorces.
In the same time there is another kind of marriages, when spouses cannot believe that one of them can cheat on another or betray any other way. They are so naive about marriage that cannot even imagine the argues can be. The newlyweds can form an image of the perfect marriage due to the media that idealize many aspects of the life. “Our culture is also to blame for perpetuating the myth of storybook romance, which is more likely to doom a marriage then strengthen it. He [Huston] has few kind words for Hollywood, which brings us unrealistic, unsustainable passion” (Patz). Therefore, people, whose opinion was formed by mass-media, are not aware of the real meaning of the marriage and the difficulties it can bring. They will always think the marriage is a fairytale. Until they face the routine. The main difficulty for such couple is to live through the destroying the illusory and to accept real married life.
The most prosaic as well as the most absurd cause of the divorce is “unbelievable” love of the newlyweds. Stephanie Coontz in her article states, that whether it is valued or not, love is rarely seen as the main ingredient for marital success, although different countries rises different views and cultures. In his research, Ted Huston shares Coontz’s view: “many newlyweds are far from blissfully in love couples whose marriages begin in romantic bliss are particularly divorce-prone because such intensity is too hard to maintain. Believe it or not, marriages that start out with less "Hollywood romance" usually have more promising futures” (Patz). Thereby the more the newlyweds in love – the sooner divorce will happen. And this is one of the main issues, when the couple should be careful.
Nowadays mankind has million ways and reasons for destroying the family that they have built. It can be an unplanned pregnancy at an early age, thus the forced and unwanted marriage; insistent parenting tips; disappointment in the marriage; alcohol or drug-addicted spouse. So the causes of the divorces are numerous: from the personal priorities of the spouses to the economic situation in the country. What is to say that the factors that may destroy the family can be internal and external. The marriage itself is not an easy thing to built, the spouses should work hard on their perfect relationships all the time, unfortunately, not everу couple is ready and strong enough to create a lasting marriage. For these and other reasons United States takes one of the first places all over the world on the number of the divorces. The statistic can get better if everyone realize the importance of the marriage. Before get married, couple should understand whether this alliance satisfies their social, physical or psychological needs or not. The abuse, any inequalities or violence must not be present in the marriage. When every person understands all of the beauties as well as all of the responsibility of the marriage, it will be easier for the lovers to live a long happy life until the death parts them.
Works Cited
Bartel, Eric. “My Problem with Her Anger”. 2004. Web. 2 Oct. 2014.
Bennetts, Leslie. “A Mother’s Day Kiss-Off”. 2007. Web. 2 Oct. 2014.
Coontz, Stephanie. “The Radical Idea of Marrying for Love”. 2005. Web. 2 Oct. 2014.
Patz, Aviva. “Will Your Marriage Last?”. 2012. Web. 2 Oct. 2014.
Tannen, Deborah. “Moms are people too”. 2007. Web. 2 Oct. 2014.
