I gasped for fresh air as I was unloaded with the rest of my fellow captives. Months of putrid stench made the fresh air seem almost unbreathable in its goodness. My joints ached and standing seemed a chore. This was no the young body I had left Africa with; then again, I was not the same woman who had left Africa. Months on a slave boat witnessing unspeakable horrors had changed me. I still was unsure what was to come, but it had to be an improvement upon the past couple months of my life. I hadn’t a clue what was coming, but I knew what had been.
In my home country, my people had been captured during a skirmish over land. Our captors could have kept us for slaves themselves, but instead sold us to the pale men (Anderson, 2016). Other women on the ship told me they had been kidnapped; one women was heavy with child and mourning the separation from her husband ("African Slave Trade, 1788", 2016). These men, with their pale skin and long hair, seemed alien to me. It was frightening to have them herd us on board their ship like sheep. I could see them stripping down the males and putting metal objects on them in order to confine them. I hoped I would be able to maintain modesty. I wondered what their purpose for us was.
When it became the women’s turn to board we were stripped naked too; the pale men jeered at our bodies. Their looks needed no translation. Many of us, including myself, were fondled by the men before being put into our quarters on the ship. In further degradation, we were packed so tightly our naked bodies would either have to touch while lying beside each other, or we would have to sit between each other’s legs ("The Middle Passage and Slave Ships", 2016). There was nothing between us and the wood, and much of our skin rubbed raw as the ship rocked. The only reprieve we had was the lack of metal put on us, like the men had on them. Children were put in with us women, as if we were to care for them; somehow many women summoned the will to offer the children what comfort they could. Many children died along the way, their bodies being so weak to begin with.
I spent weeks in the belly of the ship with no sunshine or fresh air. The stench of hundreds of sweaty bodies was indescribably putrid (Equiano, 1789). I felt ill from the smell and was slowly losing the will to live. I began to refuse the little food and water we were given. At most we were given 24 ounces of water each day and were fed twice, mostly a diet of rice and horse beans ("The Middle Passage and Slave Ships", 2016). Even this small amount of sustenance seemed too much for me to eat. The pale men tried to force feed me, to no avail. Then they whipped me until I complied (Equiano, 1789). These pale men were vicious not only to us but to each other, since I also witnessed them whip another pale man to death (Equiano, 1789). I could not help but wonder how the pale men managed to run their villages if they could not get along with each other.
Occasionally we were allowed to go to the top of the ship. This was both an exciting time, and a time of dread, at least for the women. We got fresh air while our quarters were cleaned out; we also were hosed of like cattle (Equiano, 1789). Our nakedness was on display for the pale men to see, and they often took what they wanted. I am still haunted by the screams of the women they chose as they begged the men to stop. It was no use. They saw us as nothing more than a product to be used at their convenience. During these times I would try to make myself scarce, looking down and covering my breasts with my arms in the hopes I would not garner the pale man’s attention. I was lucky. I saw many of the other women become with child during the voyage. In order to maintain some kind of fitness, the pale men would force us to run or dance at their pleasure ("The Middle Passage and Slave Ships", 2016). While they wanted us to exercise, they also sought to humiliate. They enjoyed making us move and shake in a way that exposed our private areas more.
Many of us tried to organize revolts against the pale men, but they always failed ("The Middle Passage and Slave Ships", 2016). They ended with more of us in metal and with lash marks on our backs. It seemed unfair, since there were so m
any more of us than them. But we were undernourished, oftentimes chained together and our bodies were too used to being sedentary. Our bodily weakness was too much to overcome. Many tried to jump ship, hoping for death. These were either thwarted or brought out of the water and whipped as an example for the rest of us ("The Middle Passage and Slave Ships", 2016), There would be no easy escape from this nightmare.
The only ones of us to escape did so through death. I remember hearing the groans of those approaching death as they echoed through the ship (Equiano, 1789). Various sicknesses swarmed through our ranks; some caused the sick to cough up blood while other covered their skin in unbearable rashes and caused a fever ("Aboard a Slave Ship, 1829", 2016). Several times each week I could hear the splash of another body going overboard, seeking its final resting place on the ocean floor. Oftentimes I was jealous, wishing my body would give in. Alas, that was not my fate.
About six weeks into the journey there were subtle changes. We were suddenly being fed more and given more water. Coconut butter was rubbed into our skin. I could not help but wonder if the pale man was planning on eating us (Equiano, 1789). Was this extra food simply a way to fatten us up? In about two weeks I found out the reason. Upon exiting the ship my joy quickly turned to dismay as I realized I was being auctioned like livestock and was to be a slave.
I was purchased by the Berkeley family and went to work on their tobacco farm (Southern Life and Slavery, 2016). I had never experienced slavery based solely upon color. The Berkeley family made it clear that myself, and their other “black” slaves, were nowhere near their equal. It was assumed that we were inferior in mind and spirit. In my country we were enslaved due to war, not because of color. I had never been judged because of the color of my skin before. I wondered how long the pale men would hold on to this prejudice towards those of us with darker skin.
As I learned more of the native language, I began to understand more about this land I had been stolen away to. The pale men spoke of their country in terms of the North and the South. From what I gather, I was in the South and the South believed in slavery. Those in the North did not believe in slavery. This country I had been brought to was undoubtedly divided; divisions such as this have a way of coming to a head. The two sides could not be polarized forever.
As for me, I dream of freedom for my children and grandchildren. I hope that they will not toil their lives way as a possession of another man. Reality is that my boys will most likely end up sold to different masters and we will all not see each other again. As long as the North and South have differing ideals on slavery, there is still hope. If the Norths ideals ever take over the country, slaves have a chance to experience freedom. Unfortunately, I foresee this freedom as being tempered by the prejudice of the pale men. I see a long battle for equality for the slaves.
References
Aboard a Slave Ship, 1829. (2016). Eyewitnesstohistory.com. Retrieved 3 June 2016, from http://www.eyewitnesstohistory.com/slaveship.htm
African Slave Trade, 1788. (2016). Eyewitnesstohistory.com. Retrieved 3 June 2016, from http://www.eyewitnesstohistory.com/slavetrade.htm
Anderson, B. (2016). Why were African merchants willing to sell slaves to Europeans? (1st ed., p. 1). University of North Carolina. Retrieved from http://africa.unc.edu/outreach/ASA/slavery_and_trade.pdf
Equiano, O. (1789). Olaudah Equiano - life on board. Liverpoolmuseums.org.uk. Retrieved 3 June 2016, from http://www.liverpoolmuseums.org.uk/ism/slavery/middle_passage/olaudah_equiano. aspx
Southern Life and Slavery. (2016) (1st ed., pp. 3-4). Retrieved from http://media2.proquest.com/documents/D8889+Southern+Life+Slavery+brochure.pd f
The Middle Passage and Slave Ships. (2016). Public.gettysburg.edu. Retrieved 3 June 2016, from http://public.gettysburg.edu/~tshannon/hist106web/site2/middlepassage.htm
