When I was younger a neighbor’s house burned down. They had three children and one of them, a twelve year old, passed away in the incident. Afterwards there was a funeral attended by the whole neighborhood. People were sad, and very shaken. The sister, who burned incense that had led to the fire, was particularly shaken. I did not know the family intimately, but tragedies like this tend to involve the whole neighborhood, so I also felt a little bit guilty about not having interacted with the boy, Alvin more.
The situation was challenging for a number or reasons. The first is obvious, the death of Alvin. It was also challenging for those who had been close to him and loved him. Second, I did not know whether or not I should fake a certain emotion or just asked how I felt: nervous and awkward. More-over, and I felt sort of guilty about this at the time, it was challenging because I was not entirely sure how to act, I felt a general sadness at the loss of Alvin, but since I did not know him very well I think I was more upset that those around me were upset.
In relating death to Social Learning theory, I see that this (the funeral) was an event, which had certain socially acquired cues of how to act. Since this was my first time at a funeral, I did not know how to act and had to instead follow the cues of those around me, trying hard to not break any of the protocols that were in place to govern how the event was to be conducted.
An understanding of the stages of human development opens a window to understanding to not just viewing but having some sense of understanding in watching someone grow and develop around me.
I have thought often of one of my cousins whom I have seen grow up and in thinking about it have preferred to apply Erikson’s model of human development. Maybe it’s because he’s a humanist, and that is a very nice perspective to apply to a loved one. Certainly kinder than applying the Freudian one.
Knowing my cousin when he was just a baby, it is easy to see that he went through a stage of either trusting or mistrusting people. He did not have complex thoughts formed about those around him; he merely knew that he liked (preferred), some people to others.
I remember the toilet training. Remember it more vividly than I would like to. In this state it is the will power and self-control that are being fought by the body’s natural drives. I remember that he went through shame or elation at the proper executing of a trip to the bathroom and this seems to make a case for Erickson’s model. He tried very hard to go on the toilet like a good boy, sometimes he failed, but now he has a high success rate.
As my cousin is now in pre-school, I am not able to follow the model to the end of the model, but I can hope that he finds integrity and not despair. It is I think easier to look at another person and apply a model to them that it is to use it to understand the self.
