Communication is the key that people communicate with each other, which is also a very important way how do parents educate their children. From the moment when the parents holding the cute little baby who was just born till the moment of the parents saying “goodbye” to the “baby”, the parents play a significant role in the baby’s” life of being caring, supporting, loving and most importantly—educating the “baby” through communication. Recently, I have been through an awful depression which I had had got out days ago. During that time, I called my parents numerous times seeking for help, unfortunately, they did not seem to be understanding, and their responses were not acceptable to me. Why? It is because that the ways they expressing their feelings for the whole depression situation give me the wrong signals, which make me think that they are blaming me for being vulnerable. But now I know that they are just using the wrong methods to educate and help me. By studying interpersonal communication, I learned that there actually are talk-blockers that can affect the conversations between teens and their parents, which can give both sides the wrong information. In this paper, I will be focusing on what should parents do to avoid the three talk-blockers—nonverbal sounds, sarcasm and anger.
Non verbal sounds
Nonverbal sounds are a way that people express their feelings. However, if parents do not use it correctly, it can become a major talk-blocker for a conversation between parents and teens (Knapp and Vangelisti, 2009). Using non verbal sounds when talking to the teens usually has positive and negative sides. The parents should therefore consider the sounds they intend to use and the possible impact. The parents need to be aware that the youths are a special group that requires special form of communication. Such group of people does not even understand what their interests are. Effective communication with the use through use of non verbal sounds can be used to facilitate communication. Additionally, it is important in bridging the age gap between the two categories of people (Nisbett, Valins & Weiner, 1972). It gives both parties a sense of direction during conversation. The parties are also able to express their feelings without using verbal means.
Non verbal communication has a number of positive impacts in the communication process and between the parties involved. In the first place, it allows for communication even between the dumb and the deaf. This means that a parent can communicate to such teens without necessarily talking which enhances effective communication. Secondly, non verbal communication provides room for communication in places where talking is prohibited. Given the moody nature of the teens, they may not feel like talking. In such situations, parents should understand them and use alternative means of communication without interfering with their moods.
Third, it enables communication of confidential information that a parent or teen may not be ready to communicate in the presence of third parties. As a result, communicate can take place without others understanding it which is preferred by most teens. Fourth, when the communicating parties are far apart and can not hear each other, then non verbal sounds would be appropriate (Nisbett et. al., 1972) This is true when they are able to see each other.
When time is inadequate, non verbal sounds may be used since in most cases, it is short and brief to the point. In addition, it helps save time and communicates when there is language barrier. According to Hamacheck (1982), non verbal sounds should be used in certain situations to supplement verbal communications and also to pass messages.
Negative sides of using nonverbal sounds
Non verbal sounds are a good means of communication since it involves an action which is presumed to speak louder than words. However, it may result into a long conversation since it is entertaining. In particular, the teens tend to use it as a way of entertaining which may cause delay in communication. Secondly, it is not possible to discuss the details of the message being passed. It is difficult to understand the sounds unless the parent or the teen has learnt them thus the need for repetitions.
In other situations, the sounds may not be very influential as compared to other forms of communication. For example, when a parent sighs, the teen may not know exactly what that means. But if the parent could have expressed her emotions through talking, the teen would be able to know the parent’s feeling. It may not be able to create personal impression especially upon the teen or the parent. This therefore calls for the need of using a method of communication that is capable of creating a personal impression. Finally, the use of non verbal sounds may not be effective when communicating to a large number of people.
Sarcasm
Sarcasm can be defined as an indirect way of communication used deliberately with the aim of achieving certain dramatic impact on the listener (Knapp et. al., 2009). It is considered to be intentional and conscious action. Sarcasm involves certain stimuli which include exaggerations, how the speaker and the audience relate, the level of severity of the criticism and the place where such criticism is made (Hamacheck, 1982). It is a method used to pass critical information that targets a given victim. In most cases, it is used as a form of jokes or for kidding purposes.
Sarcasm is an element of social conversation and interaction. It is meant for purposes of expressing humor (Jones & Nisbett, 1972). In other cases, it enables a parent and a teen to make an initial acquaintance. It is also used as a form of comedy when age mates or a particular group come together. In such groups, sarcasm involves saying what contrary to what has just been said. It should be noted that sarcasm can be annoying and may be harmful in some cases.
Sarcasm is an easy means of conveying an emotion or thought. The parent or teen becomes dramatic since he/ she may use interesting words to convey information. Normally it is followed by some negative opinions which include scorn, contempt, ridicule and disapproval. In most cases, sarcasm results into condemnation (Knapp et. al., 2009). When a parent uses sarcastic remark, the teen begins to decode the message for easy understanding. In most cases, the teens like using sarcasm while parents do not like. The immediate interpretation of sarcasm by a parent is disrespect by the teens. Whenever teens use sarcasm, the parents do not feel well. On the other hand, parents also do use sarcasm that is old-fashioned. Thus, sarcasm may result into misunderstanding and hence a great talk blocker (Jones et. al., 1072). This is because both the teen and the parent fail to understand the sarcastic language from each other. To enhance talk, both parties should take sarcasm positively and should be able to understand the real intention.
Sarcasm is usually annoying and may be very hurting whenever used and therefore, necessary care is needed when using it. Some argue that it is used to say the opposite of what they mean (Hamacheck, 1982). Thus it is meant for fun when talking. Others argue that sarcasm should not be meant for fun. Sarcasm may negatively affect communication between parents and the teens. As such, it represents a great frustration and confusion. When it is used for fun, one may be unable to determine the level of seriousness the speaker about the message being conveyed.
Anger
Anger is a strong feeling that is developed to show how unpleasant or hostile a person is. It is normal for the parents or the teenager to have such a feeling against each other during communication (Knapp et. al., 2009). Teenagers occasionally grow angry towards their parents. At the same time, parents also do become angry with their teens. In either case, each group expresses their anger in different ways. Some means of expressing anger may further cause more problems while others may not. This means that the ways of expressing anger differs from person to person.
Some people may find it difficult to control their anger. They allow anger to build up within them until they reach a level which they can not control. Such people usually over express their anger even in very small issues. Other people do not allow anger to build up. Instead, they respond to situations as they come. This is considered to be an appropriate way of dealing with anger. Parents should therefore help teenagers avoid accumulating anger.
Anger is not a good thing when it occurs in the conversation of a parent and a teenager. But it is inevitable given that the two have different views and opinions. It is more likely to weaken the relationship between the teenager and the parent. It may continue for a very long time that it results into hatred for one another (Times Magazine, 2004). In addition, it may cause such behaviors as excessive harshness and criticism, fights, nagging and yelling in order to force compliance.
Teens can also feel annoyed, disappointed, unwanted, blamed or not loved by the parent and thus feel like he/ she does not belong to the family (Knapp et. al., 2009). Anger may also lead to disobedience by the teenager to the parent by taking some unreasonable actions. However anger between a parent and a teenager leaves the matter under argument unresolved and therefore will never be improved (Knapp et. al., 2009). Anger can however be avoided and changed into a good friendly conversation between the parent and a teenager. This can only come about if the parent and the teenager are willing to discuss on how to communicate with one another trying to look out for suitable tactic for a better communication for both of the parties. They should try to come up with a joint solution for their communication.
A parent should try to recognize and congratulate the teenager for any achievement made rather than always giving unconstructive criticism. After doing all this teenagers will know themselves when they have done a wrong or right thing. Parents have to remind the teenagers of virtues and vices (Knapp et. Al., 2009). When one is wrong he should set the first example by saying sorry and regretting for what he or she did. This will lead to a very good, smooth conversation and understanding each other without any anger.
Decisions made out of anger are usually so rapid that one may not come up with reasonable solution. This is because anger hinders a person from applying wisdom in thinking and actions taken. Thus, teens or parents can later regret things said and done. It can also cause poor health to the teenagers and even lead abhorrence and later leading to distress. In addition anger tends to lead someone in doing something that is helpful at that short period of time thus loosing vision of the long term objectives of well being (Knapp et. Al., 2009). For example a teenager can say something to hurt the parent or revenge on them. This is a short term decision that makes one feel good for whatever he has done but later they can hurt and even interfere with other peoples relationships.
Anger can also lead to physical problems such as a troubled sleep, fatigue, hypertension can cause heart problems, ulcers the stiffness in the joints, mental and physical difficulties Anger can be lead one to cross shoulders with the most and closest friends often the ones we love. On the other hand it can create most important changes to our environment and the world around us.
Despite the level a Parent’s anger, he has to try and stay calm control. This can be achieved when a parent pays more attention to what the teenager is doing. The parent should avoid concentrating on the wrong things but should instead look at the positive side too (Knapp et. al., 2009). Parents should stop using punishment as the only main method of controlling bad behavior. Instead a teenager should be awarded for the good behavior and achievement to keep this growing thus emphasizing on the good deeds .teenagers can also be appreciated for any good behavior exhibited.
A parent should totally avoid verbal punishment like calling the adolescent names, shouting at them and excessive criticism. They should be positive and emphasize more on the teens’ success and good deeds. Excessive negative thoughts should be avoided because when a teenager is harassed he will surely develop anger, bitterness and a destructive behavior. Another way of keeping out of anger is by mostly ignoring some slight mistakes made by the teenagers. There are several different ways of ignoring a bad or annoying behavior from a teenager. For instance if a teenager is doing something that a parent has asked him to do he should be ignored in case he is complaining the whole day because he has done what he was asked to do.
Parents should however avoid random discipline but rather be fair to them. They should avoid setting rules for the teenagers because if this type of punishment is often and frequently used then they may feel unfairly treated. In addition, they feel like others have taken responsibility for what has happened to them thus developing anger (Hamacheck, 1982). Another important thing is to avoid getting into a power struggle with a teenager if a parent tell adolescent to something and he refuses then he should not try to threaten or involve in exchanging words thus reduce the development of anger. A young person needs advice and counseling frequently.
Conclusion
Talk-blockers can affect the relationship between a teenager and the parent if not looked in well. The key barriers discussed in this paper are sarcasm, non verbal sounds and anger. These factors have both positive and negative effects and should therefore be resolved in time. These issues make a sour relationship between the parents and teens and may negatively affect communication. Thus, more listening and spending time together can help solve the problem. Parents should love and should also grant teenagers privacy that they deserve. Finally, appropriate communication should be enhanced to ensure cordial relations between parents and teenagers.
References
Knapp, M. L., & Vangelisti, A. L. (2009). Interpersonal Communication and Human
Relationships.
Jones, E.E. & Nisbett, R.E., (1972). “Actor and the Observer: Divergent Perceptions of the
Causes of Behavior.” General Learning Press, 1972.
Hamacheck, D.E. (1982). Encounter with Others: Interpersonal Relationship and You. New
York: Holt,
R. E. Nisbett, S. Valins, & B. Weiner (1972.), Attribution: Perceiving the Causes of Behavior.
Morristown,NJ: General Learning Press, 1972.
Times Magazine (2004, May). “Secrets of the Brain: Research in Revolutionizing our View of
the Adolescents”
