The Things They Carried Essay Example

Choices are always difficult. Whatever decision you make at some point in your life you will regret it. However, the burden of consciousness, shame and regret that you carry wherever you go if you do not follow your instinct is much more difficult. These types of decisions are always made alone, without discussing them with family, without making them public. Just as is the case with everyone else, I too encountered a difficult choice, one of many crossroads and the decisions that I made were at the times easy, but the burden of embarrassment is still present at nights when I cannot fall asleep, wresting with my consciousness.
It happened when I was still a child, but I still cannot forgive myself. During my childhood my days always began with my best friend, Sam. We were inseparable, sharing everything and united in our effort to make the best from our childhood. However, there was one group of boys who harassed us in school and did everything to embarrass us, to take away our pocket money, to pick on us. It was difficult, but the fact that I had someone to share my trouble with made it easier. We used to sit and make fun of them, to imitate them and imagine the sweet sense of revenge knowing that it would never happen because they were bigger and stronger. Nevertheless, it made us feel good about ourselves. As the time passed, the harassments become worse and worse and I just wanted this to stop.
One day they ambushed me when I was alone and asked about Sam and his new bicycle that he had recently got for his birthday. They wanted to know where did Sam rode his bicycle and when. I assumed that they wanted to steal it and said that I did not know. After several punches and threats I said everything. I knew that Sam liked that bike more than anything; I knew that we rode it together, that Sam would have given me that bike if I wanted it, that Sam loved me more than the bike, but I was coward. The following day, I did not go outside, or to school, I was sick, sick of myself, covered with shame and anticipation.
In the afternoon, someone rung at the door. It was Sam covered with bruises and dirt and a crying face. They took the bike. I preformed an Oskar wining role, saying that I do not know how they found him, how they knew the secret place where we rode the bike. Sam trusted me. But the following days, on our way to school the boys caught up on us and asked me to take a ride on their new bike because, after all, I was the one to thank for taking that bike. I got the courage to look at Sam's eyes and I saw myself in the same way as I thought about me those days. The feeling of disappointment, the shattered friendship, the sense of astonishment and bewilderment covered me. I behaved like a coward. Just as Tim O’Brien says, "I survived, but it is not a happy ending" (47).That friendship was over the day I did not stand up and defend our friendship.
This experience shaped me for the rest of my life. After losing my best friend I started to appreciate people and the given trust. Good friends are rare to find and one should do anything to nurture that friendship. It is not an easy task, but it is worth the sacrifice. I took a standpoint never to take the easy way out, but to fight for things and people that I care about. The physical pain comes and goes, but the emotional pain and scars stay forever and follow us like a faithful dog. Works cited:
O’Brien, Tim. "On the Rainy River". The Things They Carried.