Aristotle’s Nicomachean Ethics book VIII briefly discussed interesting insights about the three different kinds of friendship, and from what I understand, these are as follows: friendship out of utility, friendship out of pleasure and perfect friendship. Now here is how I explain each kind based from Aristotle’s work. Let’s begin with the first kind – friendship out of utility. The author described this as loving someone because you are just after what is good for yourself (p.144) that’s why you don’t care what the other person might think or feel, so long as you are getting what you want. This made me realize that friendships based on utility do not last simply because the people involved are only after what they need from each other, and when both their needs change, they get out of this relationship and look for another one whom they can utilize to gain another benefit. One particular example that Aristotle gave is the friendship that exist between old people or the elderly (p.144). Because of their age, they no longer seek friendship or companionship for the sake of pleasure but only to gain advantage from it. For the second kind, which is friendship out of pleasure, I noticed that it holds the same principle when it comes to making friends. The only difference is that, this kind of friendship is grounded on what is pleasant for the parties involved, not because of the benefits they can get (p.144). But, just like the first kind, friendship based on pleasure can be easily dissolved and this can happen when one person no longer feels good about the other. He gets out of the relationship and will eventually find another one who can gratify him temporarily. This is the reason why Aristotle’s example on this involves the young people (p.145) because they are more vulnerable when it comes to their feelings and they always mistakenly identify pleasure with love, that’s why they can easily fall in love and quickly fall out of it too (p.145). As a young person myself, I noticed that this is indeed the reason why many relationships, even those that last for years, fail – simply because either one or both of them no longer find it pleasant to continue being together.
On the other hand, I found perfect friendship different from the first two kinds. It neither grows out of good feelings nor getting benefits from the other person. As Aristotle mentioned, this is the kind of friendship where people involved wishes good to each other for his/her sake (p.145). In my own understanding, a person has an unconditional love towards the other person and vice versa, and this is the reason why their friendship lasts long. Their goodness in themselves and towards the other, regardless of the person’s qualification, can be both useful and pleasurable at the same time. It is therefore necessary for both parties to spend time and become familiar with each other (p.146) in order to attain perfect friendship, and one example that I can think of is the relationship between husband and wife. For me, they have a perfect kind of friendship because both of them have devoted time and effort to know each other deeply, thus making them love each other unconditionally.
After reading Aristotle’s three kinds of friendship, I now understand that each and every person has different opinions and views about friendship. Some may see it as something beneficial or pleasurable while others value friendship regardless of the benefits or pleasure that it brings. The friendship bond between two people can possibly last long but it solely depends on the motives and reasons of the two people involved.
Works Cited:
Aristotle. The Nicomachean Ethics. Oxford World’s Classics. Trans. David Ross. New York:
Oxford UP, 2009.
