Introduction
I was a coward. I went to war. Tim O’Brien holds this claim, this thought, for over twenty years. Choosing not to tell it to anyone, for fear of embarrassment, not just his own, but his wife and children as well. Having felt as a secret hero, a “lone ranger”, thinking that in any case it ever became evil enough or it became good enough then he would simply react to a reservoir of courage built up over the years (O’Brien, 1990). But here he was, facing the reality of being drafted into a war he neither supported nor knew anything about.
O’Brien is then faced with a moral dilemma, to join a war he does not support by agreeing to the draft, or to run away into exile and risk being branded a coward and a traitor. What was clear to him was that blood was being spilled, not only the blood of an American citizen, but also the blood of the Vietnamese. What were the reasons for this war? Why was it happening? Who started it? What did it aim to achieve? All these questions rang in his head, but were not clear, to him and to a host of others not supporting the war (O’Brien, 1990). He had done something about it, but nothing blood-rousing, nothing that was worth being deemed as radical, just a few articles in the campus newspaper and all in all an intellectual activity in its entirety. Ultimately O’Brien decides to go to war, not because he was brave, but because he was a coward, he chose to kill and risk being killed, than to be branded an outcast by his own people, and live away from his hometown, labelled as a traitor and a coward therefore bringing shame to his family (O’Brien, 1990).
When O’Brien decides to run, it is the hardest option that he has to choose from but he does it anyway. He runs out of fear of the war, because it outweighs the fear of being in exile, the fear of leaving behind his life and his friends and family. He chooses to risk losing the respect of his parents, to risk being detained by his own country for treason, risking censure and ridicule rather than dying in a war he wanted no part of (O’Brien, 1990). In this situation O’Brien finds himself caught between, a rock and a hard place, growing up in a conservative little town, where the custom is paramount and he would be a ridicule of the town, and shame would descend upon his family name if he decided to run, but what other choice does he have since he does not want to die? He blamed all of them, for their blind, insensitive submission to all the propaganda about the war, the innocent patriotism that they portrayed, and their naivety, hurriedly sending off their sons away to a war in which none had all the facts, neither did they want any (O’Brien, 1990). He held all of them responsible for any decision he made due to the draft. And moreover they did not know anything about the history of Vietnam; he was too good for this war, but they did not want to see it. He would be damned if he chose not to risk dying for the sake of his country.
O’Brien faults the parents and their religious leaders, as he realizes the hypocrisy of their prayers. They pray to God in churches to grant them victory, offering their young nationalists to go forth in battle, asking God to be near them and protect them, when in reality, as noted by the stranger in the war prayer, they are asking God to strike their enemies, to tear their bodies apart and burn their homes and orphan their children (Twain, 1995). Their unsaid prayers were to cause untold calamity to the families in Vietnam, to burn their fields and villages and widow their wives with pointless grief and render their families helpless, hopeless and homeless. They asked God to increase the tears of their enemies, and to stain their white snow with the blood of their sons (Twain, 1995). But running away was such a risk, but he went through with it anyway, and after several miles due north he arrived at the Tip Top Lodge.
The man who opened the door saved his life, without speaking, without needless inquiries, he became the hero of his life. He took him in at such a precarious time, providing a silent companionship without asking for anything in return. He later describes him as the “perfect stranger” (O’Brien, 1990). The man had amazing self-control, never prying or putting O’Brien in a locus where he had to defend himself, he respected privacy and O’Brien appreciated that. But more importantly, O’Brien assumed the man understood the reasons for his running, his self-imposed exile from his own hometown. And, therefore, as his conscience led him, further north towards the border, the old man gave him the final push, in the boat past the dotted line of the Canadian border, and that is when he realized that he could not do it. He felt a sudden rigidity as the realities of his decision dawned on him (O’Brien, 1990). He could not abandon his country; he could not bring shame to his family and dishonour his father’s name. He was ashamed of being there, ashamed of running away in the first place, ashamed to be doing what was morally right.
And so O’Brien turned back, and the next day drove back home and headed to the war, for as much as he feared the war, as much as he did not understand its reasons and could not justify it, as much as he did not want to die let alone to kill, running away from the war demanded much more bravery, to bear the shame and the consequences of treason, the burden it would cast upon his family name in his hometown, it was easier to turn back and head for the war, not necessarily a wiser choice, but an easier one. To risk carrying only memories and photographs and love letters from loved ones in a far distant land, to risk carrying diseases and infections and lice and ringworms and leeches in foreign jungles, to constantly carry fear and guilt and hidden grief and shame and embarrassment and strive endlessly not to make them known, to carry tranquilizers and dope to suppress all the emotions, and a false sense of hope hidden in religion and superstitions, making numerous promises to whatever deity one believed in to avoid death (O’Brien, 1990). To risk carrying his own life into the battlefront, and the occasional carrying of a dead or wounded comrade, to risk death so as not to die of embarrassment, O’Brien realized all this was easier than treason, and to run away from the war. But what he believed, and still does, is that is that the lie told by parents desperate for glory to their children, “Dulce et decorum est Pro patria mori” is just that, a lie (Owen, 1917).
Another reason as to why O’Brien was opposed to the Vietnam War was for the massive loss of lives and a lot of bloodshed that would come as a consequence. These are the lives of innocent civilians who would be caught between the warring enemies. But despite of this fact, O’Brien had to join hands into the war because of the democratic allegiance that he owes the United States of America. In addition to his patriotism to America, he also could not withstand mocked by fellow countrymen as one who could not go to war, however much his reasons were valid, it could not justify his failure to go to war. In his mind he was well aware that going to war was a risky measure to take because he knew that it meant two things; he would either come back dead or alive. However, it is not getting killed that was his major concern, he was worried of greater impacts of war, for example, the social, economic and political impacts that war involving two countries mean to the citizens of the countries involved. Despite of not finding any positive impact of the war, O’Brien decides to join his fellow Americans in the war against Vietnam.
Works Cited
O’Brien, Tim. ‘On the rainy river.’ 1990. Web April 2014. Available at <http://mrschaffee.wikispaces.com/file/view/On+the+Rainy+River.pdf>
Owen, Wilfred. ‘Dulce et decorum Est.’ 1917.Web April 2014. Available at <http://www.grossmont.edu/bertdill/topics/DulceEt.pdf>
O’Brien, Tim. ‘The Things They Carried.’ 1990. Web April 2014. Available at <http://peopleandstories.files.wordpress.com/2010/05/the-things-they-carried.pdf>
Twain, Mark. ‘The War Prayer.’ 1995. Web April 2014. Available at <http://www.people.vcu.edu/~toggel/prayer.pdf>
