The video, Tools and Techniques for Family Therapy, shows the counsellor using a technique where he asks a person to say something that the other person has not heard before (Edwards, 2009). While I think this technique is a valuable one, and one that I wish to use in my own work as a counsellor, there are various elements of it that I would do differently.
The concept of asking family members to tell each other something they have never said before is an interesting one, and not one that I have previously heard of. According to the counsellor, the person is allowed to say anything at all, as long as it is new and the person they are speaking to has not heard it before.
In the video, the counsellor asked the father to speak to his daughter and to tell her something that she has not heard before, he appeared to struggle. He was silent for a while and then finally spoke. The counsellor then asked the daughter whether what her father said was something she had heard before. She answered that it ‘sort of’ was. At this point the counsellor asked the father to try again. I found this part uncomfortable to watch. The father looked uncomfortable and was clearly having trouble with the task, especially when asked to have another go at it. I believe that for family therapy to be productive, it is important that all family members feel as comfortable as possible at all times. Obviously, if members are going to be honest during therapy sessions then there will inevitably be times when they feel uncomfortable. However, as a counsellor, I do not like to add extra pressure or unnecessary discomfort to people during therapy as this can be counter-productive.
The seating arrangement was interesting. I liked that the counsellor was sitting among the family rather than being apart from them. This placed him in a position which was not authoritative but, rather, part of the team. He seemed to be a tool present to help the family communicate with one another rather than as a teacher figure, which I believe is important. However, I was uncomfortable with where the daughter was positioned. She seemed to be sitting apart from the rest of the family and from the counsellor. It is possible that being seated in this position could make her feel singled out or even ganged up upon. Of course, as the video was a snippet of a longer session, it is difficult to know whether the family was seated in that way for a specific reason, or if perhaps they chose to sit that way. Also, as the session was being filmed, this probably affected the viability of certain seating arrangements.
Despite the moments of unnecessary tension among the family members, I like the concept of asking people to say something to one another that the other person has not heard before. The task is likely to encourage people to think in a way that they haven’t previously, as it did me when I saw the technique being practiced. Family members, as with people in any kind of relationship, can fall into the trap of repeating things to each other on a regular basis, whether those things are positive or negative. After a while, the statements being made can lose their meaning both for the speaker and the receiver. Additionally, certain phrases can prompt anger and resent from the person hearing them, simply because they have heard them so many times. Therefore, asking a person to say something to the other that they haven’t heard before can be enlightening and fresh for both parties. I would certainly like to use this technique in my own practice as a counsellor.
Although I would like to use this technique in my own work, there are elements of it that I would do differently. I would ask a person to say something to the other that they haven’t heard before. However, I would judge the situation on how difficult the person is finding it to carry out the task. If they are struggling, I might narrow down the scope of the task by giving an example of the topic that what they are saying should be based upon. Alternatively, I might lead by example by trying to say something that the people in the room have not heard me say before. While doing this exercise, I would encourage the family members positively and try to make them feel comfortable. If someone is clearly struggling then I would offer assistance in one of the ways I have mentioned. However, I agree with the counsellor on the video in that silence is not a bad thing. I don’t believe in rushing people, especially when they are taking time to think about something. However, silence can become uncomfortable for family members in a therapy situation and so it is the role of the counsellor to intervene when the discomfort is creeping in.
Overall, the technique explored in the video is an interesting one that could breed positive results. However, I would use it in a way which made the family members feel less uncomfortable in the therapy setting.
References
Edwards, J. (2009) Tools and Techniques for Family Therapy Video. YouTube. Retrieved
from http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=62HTYRM14rs
