This is an article that talks about the six worst behaviors people can have that drive other people away from them. In this essay, I will discuss and then apply these toxic behaviors to my leadership skills and then brainstorm possible solutions for my problem areas so that I can create a more acceptable and enjoyable work experience as a leader.
Many of us can relate to behaving badly and causing destruction at one time or another during our lifetimes since humans are fallible and imperfect. However, it is of vital importance to be able to recognize and correct these behaviors if you want to be a successful and happy leader that doesn’t force everyone away.
The first toxic behavior to address and overcome is taking everything personally. We’ve all known someone who acts as if everything is about them. The reality is that how people see you is all about them and not about you. People will determine what they think about you using their own experiences, scars and perceptions as filters, which is out of your control. If you really think about it, the only opinion of you that matters is your own.
I am sure I have been guilty of worrying about what people thought of me as if they were thinking about me all the time, but this tendency isn’t the norm for me generally. I think I was much more selfish when I was younger than I am now because I have seen how ugly this trait is in other people and I don’t enjoy being around them at all. However, I have to be with them regularly and need to brainstorm solutions for dealing with them not only for them, but also for the times I catch myself doing this, too.
Some suggestions include how to receive feedback without taking it personally by first and always taking deep breaths, a tried-and-proven tactic that really works. Control emotions enough to consider if this person has something that might be useful for you. Do the soul-searching needed to honestly sort through it. Once calm, you can choose to talk it out with a trusted friend for a different perspective (Edberg).
As a leader managing someone who takes everything personally, I would try to make them feel accepted and comfortable by acknowledging their perspective and by being empathetic and putting myself in their shoes. I would try to explain my intention by revealing my thought process so they could see my perspective was not all about them all the time. I would set the scene for the future interactions by explaining what to expect from me during our next situation (Shakiba).
The second toxic behavior to be addressed is obsessing about negative thoughts. This behavior truly repels people away because nobody wants to be around someone who is consistently negative about everything under the sun. People who dwell on negative things now or from the past, or those who have a “chip on their shoulder” by obsessing that life will only be bad, completely miss the opportunity to learn what good can be drawn out from bad experiences.
I am aware that I am one of these people at times, and I am working on changing this behavior in myself by re-stating negative thoughts when I get them into a positive statement. As a leader, I would try to speak positively and avoid saying no whenever possible. I won’t get involved in any arguments by setting a high standard for myself and my employees. I will do my best to really listen to them and offer empowerment.
The next behavior that drives others away is to treat yourself as a constant victim who is powerless over their own destiny. In reality, we have so much more control than we realize, but we will not achieve forward movement until we stop believing we are puppets of fate. I would like to believe I am not behaving this way much because I have learned to know better by now. As a leader, I would try to guide employees with the victim mentality by listening actively while helping them take responsibility for their part in it all (Battino).
Cruelty is also a toxic behavior that not only hurts others, but hurts you, too, when you use it. A total lack of empathy is so common today in my experience, and so damaging. I feel I can speak on this as an expert since I have a reputation of being overly sensitive and empathetic to those I interact with. This comes naturally to me, but I rarely see this trait in others. As a manager, I would strive to be caring in the way I treat my employees. I have always found this to be so much more effective than being mean to them.
Excessive reactivity is behaving without control of your emotions before you act on them, and it is so horrible of a behavior that it requires professional outside assistance to overcome most of the time. Anyone who explodes over every tiny little thing or reacts with anger at all times does not possess emotional intelligence and can make all of those who deal with them want to run away and never look back.
I admit to being an emotional person myself, although I don’t believe I have little control over emotions. I have learned to think before I speak, thus giving me a moment to get over my emotional response and be able to make an intelligent response instead. This took years of practice to perfect and is not done easily.
I think that as a leader, I want to show I have a heart, but not be immature about my emotions. There are times when you just can’t let them show because they’re inappropriate in a professional business setting, and there are also many times when some sense of emotion is necessary.
The last behavior that makes people want to avoid you is to need constant validation of your successfulness through outer appearances instead of inner self-esteem. Constantly stressing over how things are supposed to look by always needing to be the winner over your peers drains all those around you. I am quite the opposite of this kind of person as I am more of a Type B personality whereas Type A’s are the over-achievers in life. Achievements are of course important, but this article states that it is more about the journey itself than the certain milestones that have been met at times.
I live with someone like this who needs to show me how great they are continuously by constantly pointing it out to me looking for recognition over and over. I see it as an insecurity issue, and it really turns me off. It’s like being around a constant braggart. As a leader, I hope to let my actions speak for themselves by walking the walk and not just talking the talk.
In the end, the most important thing to maintain is your relationships with people in your professional and personal life, and the last thing you want to do is to drive them away from you. I recommend this article to everyone because we can all benefit from its insights. The author refers to herself as Kathy, and there isn’t any more information than that to credit her with. But I think she wrote a fine article and am glad I read it.
Works Cited
Battino, Cindy. “Making Good Managers Great Managers: How can you manage an employee with a victim mentality?” Modern DC Business. n.p. 12 September 2013. Web. 11 June 2013.
Business Management Daily. Business Management Daily. 8 May 2016. Web. 10 June 2016.
Edberg, Henrik. “How to Not Take Things So Personally: 6 Helpful Habits.” The Positivity Blog. Web. 10 June 2016.
