Gender identity is one of the fundamental characteristics that a person acquires and which will influence her choices and opportunities in life. Gender is not only a trait that one has, but also, gender is performed every day, according to certain theorists (Wood, 2011). One is expected to behave according to his or her gender, and to adhere to the norms and values associated with that gender. To “do” gender from this point of view means to behave as a woman and as a man respectively, simply because others expect one to do so. While I did not give a second thought to the problem of gender as a child, I started to feel the pressure to conform to my feminine gender as I matured. As a woman in a patriarchal society, I feel a powerful conflict between my early socialization and the influence of feminism which pushes the women towards equality.
Family Origin
I grew up as an only child in a military family of Irish Catholic background. As such, my father was very authoritative and exercised his traditional role as head of the family. Although my mother started working as soon as I started kindergarten, she nevertheless occupied the role of primary caretaker. She earned less than my father and worked for fewer hours, so she could be at home earlier than my father and could prepare the meals, clean the house and help me with my homework before my father arrived. It was clear for everyone in the family that my father’s career was more important than my mother’s. We followed my father from one military base to another, and my mother could not advance in her career for this reason. However, I never heard my mother expressing high career goals, although she may have had them as a young woman. As an only child, my parents tried to offer me everything they could, so I was rather spoiled, even though I also learned the value of hard work from them. Also, because I lived in a traditional catholic family, I was influenced by religious beliefs and the roles that men and women occupied in the Catholic faith.
Socialization and Culture
Socialization in particular gender roles is an important aspect of the American culture. Culture is defined in different ways by theorists. However, modern definitions of culture refer generally to the “total socially acquired life-way or life-style of a group of people. It consists of the patterned, repetitive ways of thinking, feeling and acting that are characteristic of the members of a particular society or a segment of a society” ( Brumann, 2005 p.49). As an only child and a girl, I identified with my mother, and even before starting school, I was helping her with different chores. I always perceived my mother as a kind, wise and supportive person. I believed that my father was the strongest and bravest person in the world, although he was cold and distant. Therefore, I learned to associate particular traits with femininity and masculinity, and even now, I believe them to be necessary qualities for ideal men and women.
However, many other socialization agents influenced me as I developed my gender identity, such as my group of friends, the media and the school. Because we moved a lot in my early childhood, I had many different friends, but I preferred to play with girls, rather than boys. Wood showed that “female peer groups reinforce feminine identity in most girls” (p.197). From my friends and their families, and also from TV, I learned to ‘act’ my gender, choosing dresses and skirts over trousers whenever possible and pink over blue. I learned to behave the way that the American culture expected girls to behave, by avoiding conflict, being preoccupied with my aspect and allowing boys to act as protectors or ‘heroes’, while waiting to be ‘saved’.
Women as Victims of Oppression
In the American society, women are victims of oppression, although this type of oppression is subtle and many women remain blind to it. I also was unable to notice the many ways in which I was oppressed as I matured until I could analyze these problems objectively, and understand what oppression actually means. Oppression represents the limitation of the freedom to act which is imposed on a group of people by others who are in a position of power (Radford Curry, 1995). For example, as a woman, I do not have the same freedom to walk on the street after nightfall as a man does. The violence against women, which is often sexualized, is a way in which men oppress women in the American society, because they force women to remain in safe spaces after dark, or cause them to seek a male protector. Furthermore, the fact that women do not earn as much as men and they are not encouraged to pursue a highly paid career is another way in which women are oppressed.
Women are often encouraged to choose careers which do not occupy the time that they are supposed to dedicate to their families, but these careers rarely situate them in positions of authority, or allow them to earn a lot of money. For example, my background is in healthcare and cosmetology, and my choices also reflect my strong socialization as a woman. Healthcare is a domain in which women are encouraged to enter, because they are perceived as nurturing and caring. Furthermore, cosmetology is also a typically feminine field of interest, because women are taught since young to care for their aspect. Encouraging girls and women to choose certain careers preserves well-paid and high authority jobs for men, and maintains the masculine dominance in the society.
Experiences with Discrimination
Discrimination affects people differently in the society, based on their characteristics. To discriminate against someone means treating a person differently du to particular features that more highly situated individuals do not share (Lippert-Rasmussen, 2014). In many Western Societies, including the United States of America, women have been historically discriminated both at home and in the public sphere. For example, as a young girl, I was discouraged from going on my father’s steps, because a military life was too dangerous for a woman. Also in my adolescence, I was supervised more closely than a boy would have been, I was not allowed to stay out as long as boys were, and I was discouraged from having relationships. The society and my group of friends put great pressure on me to preserve my reputation as a ‘good girl’, while encouraging boys to become sexually active. Finally, the school curriculum discriminates against women because throughout my school years, I have read much more about males’ accomplishments, and I had very few female role models to look up to. It was very frustrating for me to notice how many female scientists and historical figures were left outside the textbook, or their accomplishments were very briefly mentioned. Women suffer from constant discrimination in the society which tries to minimize their public roles, and to direct their attention towards the domestic sphere.
Conclusion
While I am the product of strong socialization towards traditionally feminine roles that situate them in a subordinate position as compared the men, I still understand how different socialization agents influenced me throughout my development, and I am aware of the barriers that I may meet from now on in my career and personal life. Although feminist ideas cause me to challenge the patriarchal values in my life, I value the same characteristics that I was educated to appreciate as a child in men and women, and I am still strongly compelled to choose family life over a career. This is a very stressful and confusing problem for me, and I am still struggling to reach a balance from this point of view.
References
Brumann, C. (2005). Writing for culture: why a successful concept should not be discarded. In A. Muller (ed.). Concepts of Culture: Art, Politics and Society. Alberta, Canada: University of Calgary Press.
Lippert-Rasmussen, K. (2014). Born free and equal?: a philosophical inquiry into the nature of discrimination. New York: Oxford University Press.
Radford Curry, B. (1995). Racism and sexism: twenty-first-century challenges for feminists. In L. Bell and D. Blumenfeld (eds.). Overcoming Racism and Sexism. Lanham, MD: Rowman & Littlefield Publishers.
Wood, J. (2011). Gendered lives: communication, gender and culture. Boston, MA: Wadsworth.
