Personal Situations and Basic Human Needs
Through years, every individual faces different experiences that challenge strict personal morals and principles and put under consideration the rules, which we have formulated for ourselves and promised never to break. Every situation is extremely specific, but if the conditions put us in the position of making a decision, in the position of whether a conflict with somebody else or an internal personality conflict, it is crucial to stick to the established values and principles.
Every individual is a subject to the basic human needs that touch the most important aspects of personality, emotions, and spiritual and personal development. Human needs often represent the major reasons for our actions, and there are cases, in which it is challenging to bind our principles with the internal drives. There is a special division among basic human needs into the needs of personality and the needs of spirit. The needs of personality include the following:
Variety (the need for surprises and challenges);
Love and connection (the need to experience this type of attachment);
Significance (the need to have special meaning) (Habitsforwellbeing.com).
Two basic needs of spirit, in turn, include:
Growth (the need for constant development emotionally, spiritually and intellectually);
Contribution (the need to care about others) (Habitsforwellbeing.com).
In such a way, we can say that in different situations we unconsciously follow one of those human needs, in order to fulfill some of the main personality and spirit drives. Those needs drive us when we find ourselves in the middle of a conflict or in challenging situations. Personality and spirit needs serve as the incentives for making decisions in many cases, whether in private or in public life. Some individuals may find it hard to explain the reasons of their actions and during conflict, when the emotions are overwhelming, they cannot think rationally. Still, deep understanding of one’s needs and acknowledgment of individual’s principles and moralities can serve as useful means to resolve a conflict and to find an effective way of communication.
Individual’s personality is full of mysteries and everyone is different. We should learn to accept others as they are and we should learn to live in consistency with our personal beliefs and values, as well as in harmony with personality needs. Differences among people and variation in the principles they hold leads to conflicts. At this point, it is essential to maintain tolerance and to be able to support your point of view and your objectives in a peaceful way that will help to come to consensus and reach positive outcomes.
The paragraphs below will briefly describe a couple of stories from my personal life that have significantly shaken my principles and moralities and that had a huge impact on who I am and where I am now. In addition, those stories will represent how human needs drive us and how they can influence our decisions in conflict situations.
The first story concerns private life and individual’s desire to care about somebody and to build a family. When I was a child, my family has travelled a lot and it was a big challenge for me to switch so many places of living and to adapt to a new territory occasionally. After another resettlement, when I was 19, I have met a young man, who seemed to be a perfect match for me. Everything went great and I fell deeply in love with him. My parents did not support these relationships, but despite their opinion, we continued to see each other. Then we decided to get married, but my parents were strictly against this decision. Nevertheless, we got married and we started our ‘adult’ life in the attempts to build a family that would be full of honesty, mutual support and love.
At this point, it would be useful to turn to the basic human needs and to my personal principles and values. First, I believe in the sanctity of marriage and in loyalty, because once individuals make a promise to each other to be together, they should keep this promise. Second, every person has a need for love and connection and the need for some certainty. Moreover, the need for contribution also plays a significant role in the life of every individual. Thus, those needs often drive us when making a decision, with whom to spend the rest of our lives.
Therefore, I told my fiancé that I will never be able to forgive an affair, and I was very strict about this decision. For the first time after marriage, everything went perfect, we gave birth to our lovely son and we lived happily. However, after several years, I started to suspect that my husband is cheating on me, and I turned out to be right. I should say that even at that moment, when I found out about this, I still had a great feeling of love for him, but this love was then with big sorrow and disappointment. I know that some people stick to the point of view that if you really love a person, you can forgive even an affair. However, it was not my case: I simply could not forgive him, because my principle of loyalty in relationships was very strong. Without any doubt, I am grateful that I had a chance to experience such a big love, when I was young, even though it did not last forever. My point is that there are different factors that drive us to these or those actions, and individuals’ needs are one of the strongest means of moving forward in life. My marriage was my step into the future: I became a mom and a wife, I became more mature, I would say. Things have changed radically in my life and all I did was following those changes with the hope for the future and with joy of present times.
There is one more point that I would like to withdraw from this story. One of the paragraphs above mentions that every person has his or her own rules and it is important to have tolerance to each other and to the principles and moralities that we hold. I did not manage to go over my rule of loyalty to each other and could not forgive the act of cheating, even with great love in my heart. High level of tolerance and of respect implies effective communication and avoidance of conflict situations. Those principles are essential not only in personal life, but also in business communication and negotiation, because there can occur the situations, in which the parties involved will hold radically different views, and it will be necessary to find common ground in a calm way in order to reach consensus and to have positive results.
One more situation from my life that I would like to discuss is sort of a continuation of the first story. After the divorce, I thought that I would never be able to get married again, because I had a prejudice that marriage is one in your lifetime and it would be very hard to trust another person after somebody had cheated on you. Still, personality needs can be stronger on the unconscious level, and the need to be with another person might lead us to change our presuppositions. Therefore, time passed, I met a man, and we got married. Still, the situation is completely different from my first marriage, because I have a son, and my new husband is not the biological father to him. I love both of them deeply and often it is hard for me to stand between them, as they face various types of conflicts occasionally. My son is a teenager, and it is always hard to deal with a teenager, even for me. Thus, what to say about a man who did not raise him for half of his life and who wishes him all the best, but cannot reach his mind. It is very hard for them to find common ground, and sometimes I find myself in challenging situations, when I should decide, who is right. From one perspective, I am a mother, who should be on the side of her child, no matter what. At the same time, I am a wife, who should support her husband and show his authority as a man in the family. Without any doubt, sometimes there are situations when I clearly see that one of them is wrong, and, in this case, I express my opinion and try to explain it to my family, trying to be objective. However, there are occasions when I simply do not know what the right decision is and I cannot take any side, because each of my decisions would hurt either my son or my husband. In such a way, I would say, that in some cases, our need for contribution might lead us to complicated situations that put us before difficult choices.
I would like to describe one more side of my life that also represents basic personality needs and shows that no matter what, we can reach the heights that we establish and always strive for the best. I realize that I am not a young girl anymore, and, due to my life situation, I did not manage to earn my Bachelor degree right after high school. Though I had a well-paid job and could afford a decent living for my son and me for the last years, I have recently realized that I want to finish school and get my degree, not only for myself, but also for my son, in order to set a good example for him and for his future. Therefore, I have returned to school in order to achieve higher education. As listed before, every human has a need for certainty and growth. I would say that those needs partially explain my decision to go back to studies. I do not want to stand in one place; I want to move forward, to improve my skills, to develop my personality and to develop emotionally and intellectually. Following our needs can serve a good role in our lives and can bring us to the horizons that we could not have imagined before.
The stories described above show that our personal beliefs and values have a significant influence on the decision making process and have an impact on our relationships with other people and, consequently, on other people themselves. Without any doubt, I could have chosen alternative decisions and stay with a husband who cheated on me, or not finish school. However, I would have not fulfilled my needs and would not have been in harmony with my inner personality and with my principles, which, in turn, would gradually ruin my inner strength and confidence. Every person has rules, which he prefers to stick to no matter what, and everyone should be aware that acknowledgment of your own personality and of the reasons of your decisions can play a good role in your life, in your behaviors, in your achievements and thus, in your relationships with others.
We all have to strive for the best continuously and be consistent with our moral principles even under very stressful conditions. Strength of spirit, tolerance to other people and strive for growth and development, together with love and respect to others can serve a good role for our lives and for our relationships in our private lives and outside of it. Everyone has personal stories and experiences that have taught certain lessons and have significantly influenced personalities and behaviors. We should learn to draw conclusions and apply the lessons from personal situations to our professional lives, and we should use them in conflict situations and in the situations, when it is important to negotiate, to evaluate all possible alternatives and to find a way for consensus.
Works Cited
"6 Core Human Needs by Anthony Robbins." Habits for Wellbeing. Web. 24 Mar. 2016. <http://www.habitsforwellbeing.com/6-core-human-needs-by-anthony-robbins/>.
